(Closed) Groom's name first?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would Emily Post roll over in her grave if I put his name first on the programs?
    Yes! You must stick to what etiquette says. : (13 votes)
    24 %
    No, do whatever you want. : (38 votes)
    69 %
    Other, and I'll explain below! : (4 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    9649 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    I always see the bride’s name first, it is traditional for the bride’s parents to pay so on invites their names would be first, followed by the bride’s. 


    Mr & Mrs Doe

    request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter

    Jane Marie


    John Martin

    the son of

    Mr & Mrs Smith.

    I think that could be partially why the bride’s name is first, but I could be wrong.

    Post # 4
    1815 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

    I had no idea there were rules about this! I put his name first on our save the dates, but mine first on the wedding website, without thinking about it. I don’t think it matters honestly, but if it bugs him I’d put him first as a sign of you willing to compromise on things in the relationship 😛

    Post # 5
    16213 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    The way I’d always understood it was what you mentioned — that the bride’s name came first in all of the pre-wedding and ceremony items, and then once the couple is married, the groom’s name comes first. I can’t imagine anyone would truly take offense to where his name is placed in the programs, though. Or, maybe you can tell him that his name will come first on all of your thank-you cards, etc after the wedding?

    Post # 6
    524 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2013 - Callanwolde Fine Arts Center

    I doubt most people will really notice the order of the names on the programs. Its probably worth making him happy instead of trying to conform to etiquitte that people don’t really know about.


    I completely get where you’re coming from on the initials thing. Our initials are A (mine) and T (his). There is absolutely no way that I am putting T&A on any of our wedding things.

    Post # 7
    1562 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @Gemstone:  really?  I always thought the husband’s name was supposed to be closest to his last name, for example Jane and John Doe.  Though it always confuses me when you ad Mr. and Mrs. to it because the Mr. comes first.  oy.

    Post # 8
    16213 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    @Lt.Columbo: You’re right — it’s conflicting because I’ve definitely heard that before, too. Maybe the key is to just pick a “system” and stick to it? I know that I personally was more concerned about consistency than exact etiquette.

    Post # 9
    9917 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @BeeEuphoric:  Keep your name first…because you’re the one expending all the effort!

    Post # 10
    16213 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    @peachacid:  Hahaha that’s a great logic to use, too. 🙂

    Post # 11
    5428 posts
    Bee Keeper

    It’s the bride’s day …. the groom just shows up…. so your name is first! Cool

    I hope you know I am kidding… LOL

    I go against etiquette sometimes and I will be putting my FI’s name first because it sounds better that way!

    Post # 12
    2287 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: Central Park

    I put his name and initial first on our STD because I liked the way it looked better. I dont think that this is a detail that really matters unless it matters to you. There is a difference between tradition and ettiquette.

    Post # 13
    701 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    When it comes to details like that, which only affect you and your fiance, my opinion is etiquette, schmetiquette. Do whatever makes you and your fiance happy!

    Post # 14
    237 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I just go by “ladies first” especially for programs, cocktail napkins, favors, etc. 

    Post # 15
    1828 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    so he feels “unimportant” because his name is 2nd…. but if you moved his name to 1st to appease him, you’d therefore become “unimportant”


    just tell him that you did what etiquitte states. i for one, don’t care who comes first until you end up in a situation like this where someone uses it as a ranking system.


    besides, you would rather have M&B than B&M anyway


    Post # 16
    2781 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I actually started thinking about this, we are planning on having our invites made up soon just so we don’t have to worry about it closer to when everything else will need attention. 

    I think for us, if it bothers him either way we may do half and half. Who cares as far as I’m concerned.

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