(Closed) Grooms name first?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
14496 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Usually the ladies name goes first before the wedding and second after the wedding.  Invites go out before the wedding that is why you will usually see the brides name first.  I have actually never seen the grooms name first.

Post # 4
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’ve never seen the groom’s name listed first either, regardless of who is paying.

Post # 5
3574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

i have seen the groom’s name first and i always comment to my Fiance that he must be a real jerk and can never understand why the guy’s name would be first.  it always rubs me the wrong way!

Post # 6
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I chose to my my husbands name first before we were married, it just looked and felt right that way, I think our names sound better if his comes first. For example IMO “Jack and Jill” sounds better than “Jill and Jack”.

Post # 7
1192 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@MrsTVLover: I agree with you,

I think I have seen it once and I didnt particularly care for it that way. On our invites my name went first and my fiance wouldnt have had it any other way.



Post # 8
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I put the groom’s name first on everything (website, invites, stds, etc) because it’s traditional in my family/asian culture to do it that way. it didn’t seem to matter much to us personally.

Post # 10
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I listed Fiance name first on a few things until my stepmom told me my name was supposed to be first.  In instances where you are writing “Bride and Groom Hislastname”, she said it is because it is HIS last name and until you are married it belongs to him (ie until the marriage it is not Bride Hislastname).  Or it could just be that weddings are typically more about the bride.  Who knows… 

Post # 11
1696 posts
Bumble bee

Formal etiquette is that the hostess’s name goes first; and believe it or not the most old-fashioned stuffy argument is that her name appears ALONE at the start of the invitation.

Slightly more liberal persons like myself (for whom it is irrelevant anyway since I am single) allow a hostess to have her HUSBAND’s name on the invitation alongside hers; but it is a breach of formal protocol for the names of two or more people to appear together on the invitation if they are not married. If husband and wife are both named, the husband goes first in formal situations (which are assumed to be “public” events, and he goes first to “protect” her good name with his) and the wife goes first in informal situations (which are assumed to be intimate events where you are among friends and don’t need protecting). Hence, on a formal invitation you might write “Mr and Mrs Phipps”, but on an informal note you might write “Dear Thekla and Aloysius”.

So, if the wedding is not hosted by a relative (normally the mother) of one of the parties being married, then formal protocol says it should read:

“Miss Firstname Bride / requests the pleasure of the company of / <write in names of guest(s)> / to / Mr Firstname Groom … /

A gentleman on his own may host only bachelor events with an all-male guest list, so if the groom wants to host a wedding he is supposed to ask a close female friend or relative to act as his hostess. And in case you are wondering whether this happens nowadays, I hosted a wedding reception garden party just last weekend at the request of a single gentleman friend under just such circumstances.

If someone else other than the bride or groom is hosting, then they name the person to whom they are related first, and the other party second, like this:

“Mrs Nestor Phipps / requests the pleasure of the company of / <write in names of guest(s)> / to the wedding of their son / Roger Aloysius / with / Miss Thekla Smythe …”


” Mr and Mrs Thomas Smythe / request the pleasure of the company of / <write in names of guest(s)> / to the wedding of their daughter / Thekla Agnes / with / Mr Aloysius Phipps …”

The ordering of the names of the bride and groom reflect the closeness of their relationship to the hosts. The one who is related to the host(s) is named first and referred to without a title, and is given her surname only if it is different from that of the host(s). The one who is unrelated is named second and is given his or her title and surname.

Post # 12
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

I have never seen the grooms name first. I just always fallow the ladies first rule lol 

Post # 13
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

my husbands family is greek and their invitations have the grooms/family name listed first

Post # 14
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’ve never seen the groom’s name first on anything wedding-related.. especially the invitations.

Post # 15
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Tradition is one thing, but some people sound like they’d be really offended if the groom’s name was first. Why is that? I’d never actually thought about it until now, we just went with what sounds right.

Post # 16
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My fiancee’s name is going first on our invites and it is only our first names.  It doesn’t sound right the other way to me and I think it’s a strange thing to have a rule about!

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