(Closed) Grooms parents to pay for….??

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t think you should bring it up to them if your Fiance says he thinks it’s a bad idea. You say it’s fine that they didn’t offer money, so try to be ok with that.

Post # 4
Member
12973 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If they want to contribute, they will offer.  Other than that, don’t ask them for money.

Post # 5
Member
2711 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Um you don’t.  It would be very rude to bing it up.  They aren’t under any obligation to help pay for your wedding.  If they want to help, they will offer.  If your Fiance thinks it’s a bad idea, then it probably is.  I would just let it go and plan the wedding you and your Fiance can afford.

Post # 6
Member
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Do not bring it up yourself!  It will not turn out ok.  Just let it go or talk to your Fiance again about him bringing it up.  Honestly, if they don’t have the money for it, then you should really leave it at that.  If they DO have the money and are just acting like they don’t because they don’t want to contribute, well.. nothings going to change that. 

Post # 7
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Sorry don’t think there’s a non rude way to mention it.

Once they start trying to invite people, that’s when you bring it up. “Oh if you’d like to invite all your neighbors and everyone you’ve met for the past 50 years, we really can’t afford it. If you wanted to chip in to cover their food bills, you can.”

Post # 8
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If they can’t afford it they can’t afford it.  If they want to contribute, they will offer. My parents are paying for the wedding and do not expect a dime from anyone else.  FI’s parents have offered to pay for the rehersal dinner as well as the flowers.  I would never be comfortable asking anyone, even my own parents for money. 

Post # 9
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

How can I casually bring this up without appearing rude to his parents?

You can’t. If they want to contribute, they’ll tell you. It’s great that your parents are helping cover the costs but a wedding is the sole responsibility of the couple, not their families. 

Post # 10
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

except normally the grooms parents pay for the rehearsal dinner, alcohol, officiant fee and whatever else

@Janaic88:  I don’t think that is true anymore. Times have changed and a lot of brides and grooms pay for everything themselves. My husband and I paid for almost our entire wedding. His family did not contribute, we did not ask, and we were fine with that. I don’t think you can be upset because you aren’t entitled to any money from anyone except yourself.

Post # 11
Member
4676 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

In this day and time you can’t expect parents to contribute.  You wanted a wedding and unless they offer you have to expect to pay for it.  I wouldn’t ask, if they offer money or to pay for this or that then great.  

Post # 12
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I know for sure that the groom’s parents pay for the rehearsal dinner. But if their financial situtation is not good, I think you need to have class and be understanding.  

 

Post # 13
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Since it’s his parents and he should have the right to make the choice if he wants to ask for their help or not. If they can’t afford it then they can’t. Clearly your Fi doesn’t want his parents to go into debt or contribute when they simply don’t have the funds to do so. Once you become an adult it’s your job to provide for yourself, it wonderful to have parents help out and give cash, but when they have no desire too you should accept their choice as gracefully as possible. You aren’t entitled to funds from his parents simply because yours are paying.

At the end of the day your Fi isn’t comfortable with doing that and as it’s his parents you should accept his choice. Work together on creating a budget with the money you guys do have. I suggest you let it go.

Post # 14
Member
5423 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

Grooms parents pay for whatever they want.  The rehearsal dinner and alcohol and all that is not how things are done anymore.  If they dont want to contribute, they wont.

Post # 15
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree with some of the replies saying that it is not true anymore.  My Fiance and I are paying for most of the wedding and my parents are contributing a little towards the reception.  His parents are not contributing anything and we will not ask. If they could or wanted to contribute they would have said so themselves.  

Post # 16
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Back in the day traditional both sides paid for certain aspects. These days that is not the case, nor is either side obligated to contribute anything. If you can’t afford to pay for a big wedding, then have a smaller wedding, or have a longer engagement. I hate people that expect hand-outs from their parents or future in-laws for their wedding. 

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