(Closed) grooms parents want to stand up there with us

posted 8 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

ummm thats a hell to the no!!! that day is for you and your groom!!! you two are the focus jewish custom or not its your day and that is the most important part of the wedding day!!!

Post # 5
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

when she got married did everyone tell her what to do. i see where our coming from my future mother in law wants a say in everything, i finally had to politly tell her this is our wedding and this is what we envisioned!!! she had her dream weddign let me have mine!!

Post # 6
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Honestly, if this is the only thing they have asked for, I’d be inclined to give it to them.  It’s not like we are talking about Future In-Laws who are trying to control every detail.  You’ll be part of their family for a long time, and giving them this would be a nice gesture.

However, you are certanly not obligated to do it, if it really doesn’t fit with your vision of your wedding.

Post # 7
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011 - The Viceroy

Maybe they could stand for part of the ceremony and sit during your vows (or vice versa).

Post # 8
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@sugar610: DHs family is Jewish and they wanted to do this as well. I was NOT okay with this as both of his parents were already walking him down the aisle which I compromised on (and wasnt too happy with) so I made one compromise but that was not one I was willing to budge on. Our bridal party was pretty large (14 total) and then plus my husband and I and our officiant we already had 17 people up at the “altar”!! I just told her that since we were not having a Jewish ceremony we werent going to do that and that we already had so many people stnading up with us that it would feel too crowded. Thank goodness they accepted this!!! Have your Fiance talk to his parents! Good luck and I know exactly what you are going through!!

Post # 10
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

If it were me, I would let her have this one. It is only one thing and it would make her happy and you would stay in her good graces. Another option for you though is if you are doing a unity ceremony, you could have both mothers light the tapers and then go back to their seats. This would involve both of them and might be a good comromise.

Post # 11
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I see both sides of the story.  The Jewish ceremony is very much about joining two families together, hence the parents walking their children down the aisle, standing under the chuppah, etc.  I think it is a beautiful ceremony with so much symbolism. However, it is still YOUR wedding and your Fiance and you have decided not to have a Jewish ceremony.  Perhaps you can add a part of the ceremony where both sets of parents stand with you for a blessing or something else.  That way they participate but aren’t there for the whole thing.  Perhaps your Future Mother-In-Law could even help you plan that part in the Jewish tradition.  If she isn’t willing to compromise, then just do it your way.  Put your foot down with the drama or she will hijack the rest of your life with this behavior.

Post # 12
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I would let her have it. Especially if it’s just this that she’s asking for, and you don’t want to start off your marriage with your mil upset with you.

Our parents stood behind the bridal party, and not too close to the chupah. It was nice having them up there, but honestly I didn’t even notice them b/c I was too busy looking at my groom!

The topic ‘grooms parents want to stand up there with us’ is closed to new replies.

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