(Closed) Grooms problem with the nerves

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
323 posts
Helper bee

I don’t necessarily think brides have it harder, in fact I think we have it a little easier because we don’t have to do speeches, & people expect the bride to be emotional and wouldn’t bat an eyelid at her shaky hands or any nervous slip-ups! If I was a guest at your wedding & you had shaky hands I would think it was sweet that you were nervous(you have every reason to be! nobody likes being started at by a huge group of people!)so don’t worry about ‘making a fool of yourself’, you’ll be surrounded by people who care about you and who are there to celebrate your marriage and the last thing they’ll be thinking about is your shaky hands! Don’t let one tiny part of your day stress you so much, on the wedding day all you’ll be thinking about is your lovely bride and celebrating with all your family & friends I promise!

Post # 3
9781 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

mickmanhere:  aw you’re sweet!! I think you have to combat your mind a bit- if you let yourself down the rabbit hole of anxiety it’s a wild ride with no end in sight. 

You need to tell yourself the moment the worrying starts “don’t be silly, I do public speaking, nothing scares me” literally just pump yourself up and do not indulge the worries- it’s like praying for what you don’t want. Because frankly the more you imagine the day going wrong, the more nervous and therefor likely your theory will be.

you also need to remember that you will be infront of literally the easiest audience on earth. They are all there to show their love and support to you and your bride. So long as you don’t moon the crowd or pee on the alter they are going to find any little “mistake” endearing. Including if your hands shake- who cares? They’ll find it sweet.

So start pumping yourself up with positive talk and DO NOT ENGAGE the worry train. It’ll be all good don’t worry! 

Post # 5
3783 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You will be fine! Remember it’s your family and friends who love who that will be watching, not a group of judgemental strangers. Even if you fumble with the candle (which I have seen happen by both bride and groom), it’s no biggie! Humor works well… Just laugh it off. A nervous groom is endearing. It shows how much he cares… Much better than being indifferent. At the end of the day you will be married and the details won’t matter. And your wife will be right next to you the whole time! Just focus on you and her. Best of luck! 

Post # 6
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Royal Park Hotel


mickmanhere:  Awww this is supposed to be the BEST TIME of your life.  It sucks it’s ruined by nerves.  I’m sorry.  My husband and I could NOT fit the rings on either of our fingers for the ceremony.  We both had to stop and jam them on ourselves.  No clue why as before and after the ceremony they slid right on and off with no problems.

Little hiccups happen and it only adds to the charm.  You won’t make a fool of yourself.

Post # 8
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

mickmanhere:  I am a pretty outgoing, social, ‘must make presentations in front of groups at work – no problem’ woman, and about 2 weeks before our wedding weekend, nerves struck me HARD.  I could not sleep, I could barely eat, and I felt sick to my stomache.  It was not about the marriage, or what ‘major’ thing could go wrong, but it was about being center stage all day.  Me and my groom, all eyes on us, all the time.  I was a mess, lol!

I thought as it got closer, I would feel better, but the week of, I slept so very little I turned into a zombie!  Gosh, as I type this, please know I am not trying to terrify you, but let you know that I think it is pretty normal.

People told me that once I saw my groom, and we were together, I would feel amazing – it would all go away – and NOTHING would get me down.  They were right, absolutely.  Seeing him at the end of aisle made everything around me go away, and the rest of the day was truly at out of body experience.

HOWEVER, our rehearsal day, and the morning of our marriage, my best friend also gave me a Xanax, and that was a life saver.   (I know, I know, sharing rx pills is bad)!!  But, it calmed me down, it gave me an opportunity to eat and sleep the day/night before, and morning of.  AND, as I shared my little ‘secret’ with my bridal party, I learned that 3/4 of them had to do the same thing!!  WEDDING JITTERS ARE NO JOKE 🙂 


Post # 10
2935 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

1. I promise the Xanax type stuff will just take the edge off; you won’t feel weird or anything, you’ll just feel like yourself when you aren’t anxious. I would suggest taking some now and over the next few days, as prescribed, because I think at this point you’ve got into a spiral of worry/anxiety and expecting that to stop on its own is unrealistic. If you can break the pattern now, it will improve the chances that you won’t be so frantic on the day.

2. Cut back on anything you drink that contains caffeine – coffee, tea, soft drinks – because the caffeine will exacerbate the anxiety. Drink more water, eat less sugar, eat more protein. It’s not a cure, but it will help.

3. Try this: http://www.relaxationresponse.org/steps/  Even if you just do the slow breathing when you have a quiet few minutes at work, it really makes a difference.

4. Tell yourself that it is normal and okay to be anxious about this, but instead of the word “worry” or “anxiety,” use the word “excited.” If you give the emotion a slight positive spin, that could help, too. Tell yourself, “It is normal to be excited about my wedding day! And I probably will do something imperfect, because people are imperfect, and you know what? If people laugh, that will be okay too. They won’t be laughing *at* me or thinking bad things about me, they will be laughing because life is funny.”

Post # 13
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

mickmanhere:  I did hear from my seamstress that lots of brides lose their appetite the week or two before the wedding and I don’t see why that can’t happen to a groom either! I am really nervous about everything too. I am one of those people that worries about every worst scenario. So here’s what Fiance and I have been doing- we have been talking about absolute worst things that could happen, how likely they are to happen. It does calm me down. The other thing I ground myself in is that the only thing that matters is us getting married. If for some reason something goes haywire and it doesn’t happen that day, then we’re just gonna go to city hall and get it done. Yeah that sounds really unromantic… But the point is there is really nothing to actually fear, except for the fact that we are facing a major life change together by being spiritually and legally bound together (and I do not believe in divorce as an option for myself). Now that is definitely something for me to be anxious about and I am just giving myself permission to feel that way. I know that when it’s over and we’re married I won’t be worried anymore ha! And again, at the end of the day, all that matters is that we get married, and if we get married then our wedding is a success and the rest is just extras that make the day even more special. Something at some point will go wrong, and it’ll be the story that people remember or the little thing that we triumphed over and didn’t let ruin our day. It happens at basically every wedding. I’m just gonna ride the wave and make the most of it, and I think you can too! Also I think you’ll be in the moment and everything will feel okay. You’ll have your Fiance right next to you when you are lighting the candle. It would be really cute if you two held hands while you lit the candle or something. I am pretty sure all your guests would love that and maybe it would make you feel more comfortable. 

Summary: You’ve got this!

Post # 14
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

mickmanhere:  I want to say one more thing. Obviosuly this depends on the person, I am not saying this can apply to everybody. But I have just learned that there is a certain amount of anxiety that affects me, and despite all the work I have done that’s the way I am. So I have accepted it and just decided I’m okay with it, I can make it through it, and I will just try to go about my life to the best of my abilities despite it. Even if it means my voice cracking when I am talking to people at work, which I find humiliating, but I have to live my life! And this attitude has helped me to at least stop worrying that I am anxious. There is no need to worry about the fact that I feel anxious. So I thought I’d share with you. Maybe taking on that attitude could help you a bit too!

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