Post # 1
So, my fiance told me today that his brother’s girlfriend doesn’t want his brother to be in our wedding, since he’ll be walking down the aisle with another girl, be announced and make an entrance with another girl. These girls are of course my very closet friends. I have 4 maids, my fiance had 4 groomsman (2 are his brothers). She told him she’s jealous and she doesn’t like it and if she’s not a bridesmaid, he can’t be in the wedding.
I’m not close to his gf. I asked my bm’s to be my bm’s 9 months ago (when I got engaged). The dresses are ordered. AND, the gf didn’t say a word of this directly to me. It all came via my fiance from his brother.
My finace just flat out told his brother if he doesn’t want to be in the wedding, he’s free to just drop out. He said he just wouldn’t be in it…. Which would be fine, until my future mother in law got involved and she’s freaking out. My fiance is her first child to get married. She had been upset enough when he didn’t ask his brother’s to be his best men. But now she’s going crazy with the phone calls and pretty much pleading with us to just make her other son’s gf a bridesmaid.
I’m not comfortable with this for the reason’s mentioned above, but mainly because if she’s already jealous of my friends, all I can see is conflict ahead. Not to mention hurting the feelings of other friends who I’m close with, who I did not ask to be my maids.
Thoughts? Would you just suck it up and invite her to be a maid? Should I? I’m feeling like I’m being selfish for not doing it… but I think she’s being really selfish for even presenting me with this issue.
Post # 3
Do not let her be a bridesmaid, she isn’t close to you and isn’t your friend. If anyone is being selfish it’s the brother because he is letting a jealous girl stop him from standing up in his brothers wedding. Stand your ground and stick with the lovely ladies you already asked.
Post # 4
@alyssaC: Agreed. If Future Mother-In-Law is upset, she needs to have a talk to her son (the groomsman) and his gf, not you two. You stay out of it. Your fiance should do the talking with his mother and brother. He should tell his brother that he’ll spend maybe 60 seconds walking arm in arm with this girl, that’s it.
Oh, and just about every wedding I’ve been to has been like that: BMs and GMs nearly always get paired with someone who’s not their partner. It’s totally normal. Maybe bro’s gf doesn’t understand that’s how (nearly) all weddings work.
But you just stay out of it and stand your ground. You’ve picked your BMs. If FI’s brother doesn’t want to be a Groomsmen, it’s nothing to do with you.
EDIT: Fiance should also tell his mom, “I’m not the one being unreasonable, my brother is. Almost always at weddings BMs and GMs are paired with people who aren’t their partners. If you really want Tom to be a Groomsmen, it’s up to him.”
Post # 5
Don’t let her be a bridesmaid. This is your wedding and your wedding party should be your closest friends. This girl sounds needlessly jealous and like a lot of drama. Don’t let your Future Mother-In-Law pressure you about your bridal party. If your FI’s brother wants to listen to his gf, that’s his choice. I feel like your Future Mother-In-Law should be talking to Future Brother-In-Law about his choice. Your Fiance already gave his brother an out – so it’s the brother’s decision on whether to be in the wedding or not.
Post # 6
Future Mother-In-Law is directing her guilt in the wrong direction. (Or maybe she’s nagging the brother too and you just don’t know it?) Either way, there’s no reason you should give in on this one. Your Fiance needs to be assertive here.
Future Mother-In-Law: Girlfriend really wants to be a bridesmaid.
Fiance: Sorry, she is not a bridesmaid. We would love to have brother as a groomsman, but that’s his choice. We’re not going to change our wedding to make Girlfriend happy.
Future Mother-In-Law: But brother won’t be a groomsman then!
Fiance: We would love to have brother as a groomsman, but that’s his choice. We’re not going to change our wedding to make Girlfriend happy.
Future Mother-In-Law: Why don’t you just change things up for GF?
Fiance: We will not discuss this again. Girlfriend is not a bridesmaid.
Post # 7
@jinx628: that is incredibly immature how old is this girl 16? Don’t ask her you will regret it.
Post # 8
+1 to everybody above. The girlfriend is being really immature and the brother must have no cahones! I had to let my partner be a groomsman & partnered to a girl I didn’t particularly get along with – they even danced together at the ‘first dance’ but I was there for the bride & groom. It’s about them & not how I feel, so if they wanted these people on their bridal party who am I to complain?
Post # 9
Thanks everyone for confirming what I was thinking! This is just ridiculous.
Post # 10
uhhmmm NO she should not be a bm at all!!! This is not her wedding or her day at all. You would just be feeding her unhealthy jealousy issues. If the BIL doesn’t want to be in the wedding and is willing to sacrifice standing up for his brother that is his issue not yours. Please don’t add any more stress to your day than needed.
Post # 11
I agree that Future Mother-In-Law is directing her frustration, anger , and desperation in the wrong direction. She needs to talk to her other son and tell him to grow a pair. Do not make the little drama queen a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I hope your Fiance will have a firm chat with his mom to get htis going in the right direction.
I hope Future Brother-In-Law doesn’t marry this girl – she is a trainwreck!
Post # 12
I’m always shocked at the entitlement of people. Stick to your guns. I fail to see how your MILs life will be ruined if her son isn’t a groomsman at her other sons wedding.
Post # 13
@jinx628: Could you compromise and have everyone announced/walk-in individually instead of in pairs? I agree with PPs, don’t make her a Bridesmaid or Best Man, it’s just asking for trouble.
Post # 14
@lovelynners: This was what I thought.
Seriously, just exiting the ceremony and walking into the reception with someone and she’s afraid her boyfriend would bail? That’s nuts.