Post # 1
So I’m going to try my best and keep this short.
Basically, Fiance has a groomsman (we’ll call him Bob) that has not been a team player since the begining. At first, Bob gave Fiance a hard time because we asked him (along with all GM) to pay for their own suit. There were a couple other instances Bob was annoying but they’re not as big of a deal, but over time they did add up and now we feel really sick of him.
We are getting married this Saturday and we’re having our rehearsal and rehearsal dinner on Friday. We’re trying to get final numbers for rehearsal dinner on Friday so Fiance texted all his groomsmen to see exactly how many would be attending (some are flying from out of town and some have work).
Basically, Bob told Fiance that since we chose to have our wedding far away (most of our friends live in LA and wedding is in OC) we should allow his girlfriend to come along to the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. The reason why I don’t want her there is because of several reasons
1. They’re not from out of town.
2. They’ve only been dating for 2 months. Bob changes girlfriends often. He’s probably had 10+ girlfriends in the last 6 years I’ve known him and he’s always going out on dates with different girls. If they were married or in a commited relationship, I would be happy for her to join us.
3. No one knows this girl besides him. We were kind of hoping for only family and friends to be at the rehearsal dinner (which I think is normal?)
Anyways, Fiance is also sick of him and told me it’s up to me whether we let her come or not. I don’t know why this bugs me so much and whether this is a valid feeling to have. I don’t have anything against her, I have a problem with him. Especially since he didn’t ask if he could bring her, but rather implied that we SHOULD let her come since we are the ones who are choosing to get married in a different county.
What would you do? And if you think I should just get over it, please provide helpful reasons why. Just telling me it’s not a big deal is not going to really help at this point…
Post # 2
If a plus one of a wedding party member is invited to the wedding, I don’t understand why they wouldn’t be invited to the rehearsal dinner. Also, are they staying over on Friday night, or driving back and forth from LA twice?
I understand your desire to only have those closest to you at the rehearsal dinner, I kind of struggled with that, too, but I don’t think there is any way to avoid it. I’ve also made an effort to get to know some of the groomsman’s gf’s so that I don’t feel awkward having them see our slideshow and hearing childhood stories from family members haha.
Post # 3
It was rude of you to not invite her in the first place. They are together, it’s an out of town wedding for them, yeah she should get to come.
Post # 4
Is that common? I thought rehearsal dinner is for anyone who’s in the wedding and for family members
Post # 5
So i don’t really know the distance between LA and OC, so how far of a drive will it be for Bob? Will he need to stay overnight after the rehearsal? If so, you should let his girlfriend come. She would likely be driving with him anyway, and it would be really awkward if she had to just wait in the hotel room while he’s at the rehearsal.
Honestly, I would let her come either way because it wouldn’t be worth the drama for me. It’s just one person, and the groomsmen have probably spent a decent amount of money to be in your wedding. You likely won’t even notice her. I actually think it’s pretty common (at least in my area) to invite SOs of the wedding party to the rehearsal.
Post # 6
I’ve discovered on here it really depends who you ask. I always thought it was bridal party and dates, family, and out of towners. Some people eliminate family and out of towners, but I have never heard of not extending an invite to a plus one who will be included the following night at the wedding.
Post # 7
Nope. You’re wrong. He’s an adult, HE’S IN THE WEDDING PARTY, he gets a plus one. She isn’t going to ruin your wedding, you probably won’t even notice her. No need to be so dramatic
Post # 8
It never even crossed my mind NOT to invite the bridal party’s +1 to rehersal dinner… Especially if they are over nighting for the wedding. Whats she supposed to do, sit in a hotel room alone? We are inviting: everyone involved (parents, bridal party, groomsmen), their +1 dates, and anyone who is travelling from out of town for the rehersal dinner.
Just to add; we also have a groomsman who is like that; he’s flaky, dates tons of women. We told him our only rule for his date is not a random hook-up, one-time-stand thing. I understand wanting company (especially because we are getting married out of town) so if he wants to bring a short-term girlfriend and have some fun, so be it.
Post # 9
Our wedding is about 50 miles from LA. We’re not requiring anyone to stay in OC overnight, although I am renting an airbnb for my bridesmaids so that we can begin to get ready bright and early. I guess I’m just having a hard time with it because it’s not common amongst our social group to include plus ones unless it’s a commited relationship.
Fiance has been a groomsman before and I wasn’t invited to rehearsal dinner and so I thought that was normal.
Post # 10
SO’s and plus ones of wedding party members should be included in the rehearsal dinner. They too, are making a sacrifice for your wedding because they are left on their own much of the weekend when their SO’s are busy with your wedding.
Post # 11
I would assume you would let the wedding party bring their plus one/partners to the rehearsal dinner. If most of your friends are from out of town are the partners just supposed to sit at home?
It seems like you are looking for reasons to dislike this guy. Not being thrilled to buy an expensive suit for your wedding and asking if his Girlfriend who is coming to the wedding can attend the rehearsal are hardly awful things to do to you. “Not being a team player” regarding your wedding seems like a weird comment.
50 miles away means most people would have to stay over so it kind of is out of town.
Post # 12
Yes, invite her. Not worth the drama.
And technically, she should have been invited in the first place. I got ripped a new one here when I didn’t want to give my Maid/Matron of Honor a plus one for her new boyfriend that I hated. lol
Its the right thing to do. Like others have said he is sacrificing his time/money to be part of your wedding. He should be able to bring a date to the dinner.
Post # 13
You’re right. I am looking for reasons to dislike him. I didn’t like him from the beginning and warned Fiance about asking him to be a groomsman. They’ve had a couple fights throughout their friendship and I knew he would be the one to give us a hard time. I shared very little about him (trust me, he’s a headache), and although a part of me knows this isn’t a big deal I guess it bothers me more because I don’t like him and I didn’t want him there from the beginning. Fiance and I have been engaged for almost 18 months and this is his 4th girlfriend so honestly I’m not thrilled about having a girl at the rehearsal dinner that’s going to be gone in 6 weeks
Reading these comments is helping me realize how stupid the situation is, but I guess I have strong biases against him which are not helping me be rational at all 🙁
Post # 14
To my understanding the rehearsal dinner is family/wedding party and their partners.
I didn’t have one, granted, but this is what I’ve seen as the typical etiquette. And honestly, it’s probably easier for you at this point to just okay it than to deal with the headache of saying no and him throwing a fit.
Post # 15
50 miles between LA and OC is also like 2 hours, depending on traffic. I do think it’s a little lame of him to complain about it being “far away” because it’s not like it’s in San Diego or anything. Hell, most people outside of California think Disneyland is in LA.
However, assuming she’s his plus one for the wedding, she should also be his plus one for the rehearsal dinner. I’m not sure why you’re so concerned about the fact that they haven’t been dating for that long. Are you going to take a ton of pictures at the rehearsal dinner? This is hardly the part of your wedding you’re going to remember the most.