(Closed) Groomsman giving us a hard time

posted 3 years ago in Grooms/men
  • poll: Should I just let her come?

    Yes. It's not that big of a deal

    No. It's rude of him to expect that

  • Post # 2
    Member
    105 posts
    Blushing bee

    If a plus one of a wedding party member is invited to the wedding, I don’t understand why they wouldn’t be invited to the rehearsal dinner. Also, are they staying over on Friday night, or driving back and forth from LA twice?

    I understand your desire to only have those closest to you at the rehearsal dinner, I kind of struggled with that, too, but I don’t think there is any way to avoid it. I’ve also made an effort to get to know some of the groomsman’s gf’s so that I don’t feel awkward having them see our slideshow and hearing childhood stories from family members haha.

    Post # 3
    Member
    9443 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    It was rude of you to not invite her in the first place. They are together, it’s an out of town wedding for them, yeah she should get to come.

    Post # 5
    Member
    237 posts
    Helper bee

    So i don’t really know the distance between LA and OC, so how far of a drive will it be for Bob? Will he need to stay overnight after the rehearsal? If so, you should let his girlfriend come. She would likely be driving with him anyway, and it would be really awkward if she had to just wait in the hotel room while he’s at the rehearsal.

    Honestly, I would let her come either way because it wouldn’t be worth the drama for me. It’s just one person, and the groomsmen have probably spent a decent amount of money to be in your wedding. You likely won’t even notice her. I actually think it’s pretty common (at least in my area) to invite SOs of the wedding party to the rehearsal. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    105 posts
    Blushing bee

    View original reply
    namsayin :  I’ve discovered on here it really depends who you ask. I always thought it was bridal party and dates, family, and out of towners. Some people eliminate family and out of towners, but I have never heard of not extending an invite to a plus one who will be included the following night at the wedding.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1243 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    Nope. You’re wrong. He’s an adult, HE’S IN THE WEDDING PARTY, he gets a plus one. She isn’t going to ruin your wedding, you probably won’t even notice her. No need to be so dramatic

    Post # 8
    Member
    634 posts
    Busy bee

    It never even crossed my mind NOT to invite the bridal party’s +1 to rehersal dinner… Especially if they are over nighting for the wedding. Whats she supposed to do, sit in a hotel room alone? We are inviting: everyone involved (parents, bridal party, groomsmen), their +1 dates, and anyone who is travelling from out of town for the rehersal dinner.

    Just to add; we also have a groomsman who is like that; he’s flaky, dates tons of women. We told him our only rule for his date is not a random hook-up, one-time-stand thing. I understand wanting company (especially because we are getting married out of town) so if he wants to bring a short-term girlfriend and have some fun, so be it.

    Post # 10
    Member
    30391 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    SO’s and plus ones of wedding party members should be included in the rehearsal dinner. They too, are making a sacrifice for your wedding because they are left on their own much of the weekend when their SO’s are busy with your wedding.

    Post # 11
    Member
    5170 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2018

    I would assume you would let the wedding party bring their plus one/partners to the rehearsal dinner.  If most of your friends are from out of town are the partners just supposed to sit at home?

    It seems like you are looking for reasons to dislike this guy.  Not being thrilled to buy an expensive suit for your wedding and asking if his Girlfriend who is coming to the wedding can attend the rehearsal are hardly awful things to do to you.  “Not being a team player” regarding your wedding seems like a weird comment. 

    50 miles away means most people would have to stay over so it kind of is out of town. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    861 posts
    Busy bee

    Yes, invite her. Not worth the drama.

    And technically, she should have been invited in the first place. I got ripped a new one here when I didn’t want to give my Maid/Matron of Honor a plus one for her new boyfriend that I hated. lol

    Its the right thing to do. Like others have said he is sacrificing his time/money to be part of your wedding. He should be able to bring a date to the dinner. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    9758 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    To my understanding the rehearsal dinner is family/wedding party and their partners. 

    I didn’t have one, granted, but this is what I’ve seen as the typical etiquette. And honestly, it’s probably easier for you at this point to just okay it than to deal with the headache of saying no and him throwing a fit. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    427 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    50 miles between LA and OC is also like 2 hours, depending on traffic. I do think it’s a little lame of him to complain about it being “far away” because it’s not like it’s in San Diego or anything. Hell, most people outside of California think Disneyland is in LA. 

    However, assuming she’s his plus one for the wedding, she should also be his plus one for the rehearsal dinner. I’m not sure why you’re so concerned about the fact that they haven’t been dating for that long. Are you going to take a ton of pictures at the rehearsal dinner? This is hardly the part of your wedding you’re going to remember the most. 

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