Post # 1
Hi there, I am a soon-to-be-groom looking for some advice. I have had my seven groomsmen set for quite a while, but one of them has recently gotten into heroine. My fiancee and I recently had to sign him out of the hospital after he overdosed. I’m obviously extremely concerned for his health. Moreover, friends who have battled addiction have advised me that it would not be good to have him in the wedding, let alone in the wedding party. He is also an alcoholic, and friends foresee disaster. Is his trouble with drugs just cause to ask him to not attend the wedding? It’s so tough because he’s a great friend and has been really looking forward to the wedding. I had never imagined asking anyone to ever leave my group of groomsmen, so this is very difficult for me. Thanks for any thoughts.
– A sad groom
Post # 2
This is a tough one. I wouldn’t necessarily kick him out of the wedding as someone who has battled addiction in the past, feeling like everyone is shutting you out is the worst. I would definitely have a serious chat to him beforehand, let him know he will be removed from the celebrations if he misbehaves and perhaps buddy him up with someone if there are other people there he is close to, who can keep an eye out for warning signs that he is high/gotten high/drunk/whatever. I’m sorry you have to deal with this and I hope your friend can beat it.
Post # 3
i’ll agree that this is very difficult, as it sounds like you value your friendship and your friend’s health, but it is also difficult to imagine having to be concerned about someone in your wedding party. As someone who worked in substance abuse for several years, and at a methadone clinic, if someone is seriously using heroin everyday it is rather unlikely that they can go a day without without being very sick. Perhaps your friend would be able to use only enough to get by and not many people would notice, but sometimes people can go a little overboard with celebrations (I can recall going over my limit at one or two weddings, and I’m not someone with substance abuse issues). I also recommend having a conversation with your friend and letting him know that you care about his health and wellbeing, but also perhaps let him know that you would like the day to be as stress-free for everyone as possible. Maybe he will think it is a better idea to attend but not be part of the wedding party, maybe not, but at least you can get your concerns out there. The hard thing about addiction is that it can really take over a person’s life, and despite their best intentions, it might not be controllable even if he really wants to at this point. I hope your friend gets the support he needs and that your wedding turns out to be wonderful!
Post # 4
Thanks so much for your insight. I really appreciate your taking the time to help. I’m hoping to speak with him tonight and let him know my concerns. I am also hoping and and praying for his recovery. He’s a great guy that I really care about. Your comments were very valuable.
Post # 5
acefoxleft: Hi…I just came across this after posting about my own friend’s addiction and what I should do. How did this work out for you?