Post # 1
So I just found out that for Valentine’s Day, my boyfriend bought me very hard to get tickets to one of my absolute favorite bands. This band hasn’t toured in over 10 years and this will be their absolute last concert ever (I never had a chance to go before either). It’s a pretty awesome expereice, however…
He didn’t think it through when he bought them and the concert is the same night as the rehearsal / rehearsal dinner of our friend’s wedding. He is one of 5 groomsmen in the wedding. If we go to the concert we would probably not be able to make any of the rehearsal unless it’s fairly early and even then we would miss the dinner afterwards.
My boyfriend and I aren’t big on traditional weddings personally, and plan on not having a birdal party when we get married. He feels it’s not a big deal to miss it since he is not the best man. However, I feel we should be there, and I don’t even know if I want to bring it up with the bride and groom. The wedding is VERY important to the bride, something she has been planning for years and I’m afraid she will be upset. The last thing I want to do is upset the bride, our friend, during her wedding.
I guess I just want to know what others thought. Should we pass up on our own once in a lifetime expereince to be there for the full rehearsal and dinner or would it be at all acceptable if we missed part or all of it?
Post # 3
@WeddingNaive: I personally think missing the rehersal to go to a concert is a little unsensitive. Although if you talked to the bride and groom about being there for the rehersal but missing the dinner i think that would be an appropiate compermise. Since he is in the wedding the rehersal is an improtant event to go to. Otherwise he will not know his timing/and where he is needed to be durring the wedding.
Post # 4
My wedding was very important to me, and I didn’t mind a bit that several people missed the rehearsal. I’d admit to the bride that you have made a scheduling mistake and won’t be able to attend; bonus points if your boyfriend lines up with another groomsman who will fill him in. It’s not realistic for a bride to expect every single member of the bridal party at the rehearsal.
Post # 5
Talk to the couple and see how they feel about it. They may be more understanding than you think. For me personally, I would only expect the bridal party to be there the day of, everything else is a bonus. You have a life too.
I know not every couple would feel like I would and might get upset if you miss the rehersal for a concert, so just bring it up and see if any compromise can be made.
Post # 6
We only have one attendant each, and my Maid/Matron of Honor is having to fly in from across the country. Due to her work schedule, she might not make it until late the night before the wedding and therefore would miss the totally casual combined bachelor/bacheloretty party (slash) rehersal dinner the night before. It’s not the same as a concert, but at the same time it still means she misses the event. I’m not sweating it. Life happens. As long as you let the couple know ASAP, I would hope they would understand. Also, have your groomsman talk to them a couple of nights before the wedding to make sure there isn’t something important he needs to know about the ceremony i.e. something more than just walking in, standing up, walking out.
Post # 7
Our rehersal lasted all of ten minutes. Everyone in my wedding party (not fgs) had been in a wedding before so they all knew the score. We matched people up, and told the FG’s what to do and then went to eat.
I’m sure if you explain the scheduling conflict she would be ok.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t be mad if one of our groomsman had to miss the rehearsal for a good reason (has to work, family emergency, no child care, etc). I would be annoyed if he wanted to skip because he bought concert tickets and was thoughtless about the date. Rehearsals aren’t THAT big of a deal, as long as half of each pair is there it isn’t the end of the world. But it’s the being thoughtless part that would piss me off. A commitment was already in place and then he went and made plans that conflict.
And I would not even ask someone whose wedding I was in to miss for that reason. I’d be embarrassed to ask because I think it’s rude and shows you are putting other things ahead of other commitments you already made.
Post # 9
Thanks everyone, I appreciate the feedback. And my boyfriend feels bad, he didn’t mean to be thoughtless. He’s just a typical guy and didn’t know that it’s traditional to have a rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding. I don’t think they have offically planned it yet so he was never given any info on it. I just told him that the rehearsal will most likely be that night and then he was like “oh crap, now what”. So that’s where we are, “now what?” But you all are helping a lot, thanks! 🙂