(Closed) Groomsman trouble

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Definitely a sucky situation! But the work relationship between your Future Father-In-Law and Groomsmen is between them, and you can’t afford to alienate either one by taking sides. I’d have a chat with both Future Father-In-Law and Groomsmen and let them know that you’re aware of the tension between them, but you’re not taking sides and you’d expect and appreciate them both laying any issues aside for your day. And set the example for both of them by refusing to discuss their situation with either of them.

 

Post # 4
Member
1609 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

What example are you proposing OP set?  That is OK not to show sympathy for family?  I agree with OP, common courtesy would be for the groom to wait for after the wedding to lay off Future Father-In-Law, and if not possible, then for HIM to show some sympathy.  I agree with OP, I think the Groomsmen should have gotten in front of this.  I think fiance should talk to Groomsmen and say, this is going to be awkward, and then listen to what Groomsmen says.

Post # 5
Member
46411 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@juanita.kelly.9:  It’s not the Groom who is terminating the Future Father-In-Law, it is one of the groomsmen.

@Taters143: 

For me, this is one of those situations that do not warrant involvement or taking sides. The Groomsmen may very well just be doing his job. ANd no, he probably couldn’t wait until after the wedding. Business is business. Yes the timing and the personal and social relationships make it difficult, but the firing is really no one else’s business. You can be supportive of Future Father-In-Law without taking sides.

 

Post # 6
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

It’s an unfortunate and awkward situation, but the Groomsmen was just doing his job and probably had no control over it.  Telling to the Groomsmen he has to step out of the wedding because of this will ruin your friendship with him, is it worth it to punish him like that for something that he had to do? I think it at least needs to be addressed, that although this is an uncomfortable situation business is business and personal is personal and just leave it at that.

Post # 7
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

It’s extremely unlikely that the Groomsmen made the decision to lay off your Future Father-In-Law himself. That’s not how layoffs work in most companies. The few times I had to lay people off, the decisions were made many levels above my head by a committee who had never met the employees involved. The Groomsmen is probably feeling guilty and isn’t sure what the right thing to do is.

That said, if your Future Father-In-Law thinks he can’t manage the discomfort of going through the ceremony with the Groomsmen in attendance, then obviously your loyalties have to lie with him. You can ask the Groomsmen to step down without blaming him for the situation; just acknowledge that it’s too uncomfortable for the parties involved.

 

Post # 8
Member
1609 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Sorry, yes I meant Groomsmen.  I would still feel awkward if it were me (say as a BM).  I agree, loyalties must be with Future Father-In-Law.

Post # 9
Member
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Was this a layoff, or is he being fired for cause?

Post # 10
Member
7738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If they are pursuing legal cases against each other then it sounds a much bigger deal than Groomsmen just doing his job.

Does your fiance still feel like he can be friends with this guy? If no, then just cut him. If yes, then everyone will need to be mature on the day, just as other cases when people who don’t like each other are at a wedding (e.g. divorced parents).

EDIT: I just noticed that this all happened today. Just wait a couple of days before doing anything, I suggest. Perhaps the legal cases won’t happen and it will sort out.

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