(Closed) Groomsman :-( What do we do?

posted 9 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
2765 posts
Sugar bee

Oh no!! 🙁

Is it possible to put the whole decision aside for a few weeks, to put the focus on your friend and your Fiance… and then deal with it then, when you and your Fiance have more closure on what happened?

Post # 4
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Oh my gosh.. I’m so sorry :'(

I don’t agree with having someone "step in" in his place. But I agree with your mother, that your wedding should not turn into a memorial for your friend. You’re wedding should be the happiest day of your life, and I know sometimes we are reminded of the ones that we wish were there, but you need to focus on starting your new life with your new hubby. I do not know the best way to honour him, but I wish you luck… and I cannot express to you how sorry I am for your and your FI’s loss. **hugs**

Post # 5
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I am so sorry for your loss…Please know that I understand what you and your Fiance are going through. I lost one of my BMs on Feb. 26th — she had been an important part of my life for the last 16 years. Honestly I was not sure how I was going to forward without her standing next me. Still four months later, I still do not how I am going to make it through the day which is in less than a month.

We decided to move forward with our wedding and while the whole wedding is not going to be a memorial for her, we have incorporated her into our wedding… listing her in the program, I have her picture in a charm for my bouquet,etc….

What gets me through this process is thinking how mad she would be if I postponed or cancelled my wedding because she is no longer physically with me. She is in my heart forever.

I have other things we are doing to honoring her and others in our lives that have passed on. If you would like details send me a message and I can share.



Post # 6
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

How awful!!!  So sorry to hear about your dear friend.  While your mom is right, it would be impossible to celebrate the day without recognizing the absence and the meaning your friend had for you.  You need to find a happy medium where you and your fiance feel you are respecting your friend without dwelling too much.

I lost 2 of my grandparents in the last year and a half, so we’re going to acknowledge them in the program.  Also we have had 3 of our 6 groomsmen get deployed to active military duty.  We’re not having anyone stand up in their places.  While they are very much alive, they cannot be at the wedding, and we are honoring their service by setting a place for them at the table (not all at the same table) and on that place having a picture of them and some info about their service.  Good luck!

Post # 7
32 posts

I will very rarely tell other people what to do with their wedding, but I’m going to give you this very strong advice. Do not replace him in your wedding party, especially this close to the big day. So many reasons… he is not replaceable, and by putting someone else in his place, you’re implying that he is. Another big one is, think about the person who will be doing the replacing! How is he going to feel knowing that he’s standing up there because another man died! That’s an awkward position to put him in!!

Having uneven wedding parties is not that big of a deal. Especially not in this situation.

Post # 8
33 posts

I am sorry for your loss, and I have no good advice for your other questions.. but I would not replace him. It is ok if you do not have the same number of groomsmen as bridesmaids.

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