Post # 1
I know this is soon to think about for my wedding, but my groom is really worried about this.
He has his brother and best friend and loves them both to death. He desn’t know who to choose as his best man, but is leaning towards his brother. But either way he is concerned that they are going to kidnap him for a wild bachelor party. He knows if he tries to talk to them that they won’t listen. I personally see that as silly, I know my friends would listen but apparently it is a “guy thing”. My FI is shy and I think that is part of the problem. His friend is from childhood and wild and cool and his brother is just still immature. I don’t know how to help him. He asked me what I would do and I couldn’t just tell him “Find new friends” because honestly his best friend generally knows limits, it is just with all these TV shows and movies kidnapping the groom he was worried that they would try to do it to be cool.
I trust my groom and don’t care what they plan, but I just want him to be happy.
My brother is going to be a groomsman, so I’m hoping he can calm the boys down, but I really don’t know
Post # 3
I think alot of times the groomsmen look forward to the bachelor parties more than the groom!
I can honestly say that my own mother & bridesmaid are CRAZY about my bachelorette.
Maybe your groom can begin planning his bachelor party? I mean he can pick & choose the things he feels comfortable doing.. and if he plans it himself, maybe his groomsmen are less likely to kidnap him for a surprise bachelor.
I am taking part in planning *most* of my bachlorette party as I don’t want it to be super lame, or over the top.
Post # 4
I don’t think you can ever go wrong or insult a friend by asking a brother, whereas the reverse may not be true.
As for the “kidnapping” worries, if the groom to be is really so unable to express his wishes in no uncertain terms to a young, immature brother and a “wild and crazy” childhood friend, I have to wonder how ready he is to cope with adulthood and other difficult situations. FI should not be so passive that he would allow himself to be taken somewhere against his will. If he’s afraid they will try something like this he’s got to make it very clear up front that he’ll leave.
Post # 5
How would they kidnap him? Short of literally grabbing him and tying him up they can’t, and if they trick him in to going somewhere he doesn’t want to go, he can leave at any time.
Post # 7
@jenilynevette: This is a good idea. He can find something to divert their attention. Maybe not plan per say but have ideas of what he would like.
@weddingmaven: Eh, I’m not so worried about him. He can talk to everyone else just fine and stands up for himself. His brother and friend are his weak point. I can’t believe that everyone that is an adult can talk to everyone in their life without awkwardness. I also can’t believe that everyone does everything that they should do.
His brother and friend were the only ones who supported him with his mother passed away (I didn’t know him yet) and when he dad spiriled into an awful period of depression that kept him away from his sons (middle school and elementry school at the time) and left them to basically raise themselves. They brought groceries home on bikes from the store because he dad never got food and they supervised themselves because there was rarely an adult home until after midnight.
I think all of us have weak points and none of us are perfect, it doesn’t mean we can’t be adults. It means that we are human and still growing. He does fine with all of his other friends and at work/school, just these two boys are hard to talk to because they don’t really listen. Hell, I have a hard time talking to them and I’m much more comfortable talking to people in general.
Post # 8
- Wedding: March 2015 - City Winery New York, NY
Would he consider having two best men? It isn’t “traditional” per se, but it is your wedding and both you and your groom should do what feels most comfortable and makes you both happy.
In regards to the bachelor party, I agree with the earlier poster who mentioned he start planning the party. He could even tell his groomsmen how important it is to him that they do a round of golf and a poker tournament at home that night…or insert whatever favorite hobby he has.
Post # 9
@LAB: He won’t do two men 🙁 I suggested that. I think he will choose his brother because he wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings.
Post # 10
I don’t see how the history makes it “awkward” and I don’t accept the idea that these two have some kind of power over FI to make him do things he doesn’t want to do. Your FI should be proactive and make it clear that he feels strongly on the subject before they bring it up. They won’t listen or take him seriously? Write them a letter that expresses gratitude and appreciation for the friendship, but that explains that he’s being serious. They are the ones who should feel awkward if they disregard him at that point.