(Closed) Groomsmen are getting iffy about showing up… UGH!

posted 8 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 3
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

No, you need to know.  I think it is great that you are willing to pay for a night.  I hope they make it.

Post # 5
20 posts
  • Wedding: June 2012

It’s true you can’t force them to come but you need to force them to give you a final decision.   You have too much riding on this and you need people you can depend on, not just jerk you around.

Post # 6
1920 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think its fine to give a deadline. In fact i think its necessary in terms of a Destination Wedding. Did you give the Groomsmen an approximate of airline costs when they said yes?

Post # 7
46681 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It is totally reasonable to give them a deadline. Tell them you understand their situation but you need to know if they are coming or not before you make other financial commitments.

Post # 9
7295 posts
Busy Beekeeper

i know how you feel, eventually you just accept thats how it is with a Destination Wedding. i had one of my BMs back out last week and she already ordered her Bridesmaid or Best Man dress AND bought one plane ticket for $250. granted she was coming from New zealand and decided just now that she can’t afford the $2000 it would have cost for her round trip plus hotel. i can’t argue with that.  all i could afford was offer $100 towards her dress since it was costing her $100 more than the other BMs.  i did buy her Bridesmaid or Best Man gift though and almost ordered her flowers.  i am able to return the gift (was jewelry).  also another Bridesmaid or Best Man probably can’t come and we paid for her dress in full (FI’s niece).  but again, can’t afford to pay for her trip!  sux, but thats how it is. you will still have an amazing time with the people that DO make it!

Post # 10
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

It is not rude to give a deadline..  I think they probably didnt think about all the costs and are only now adding it up and realizing how much it will be. My Fiance agreed to be in a Destination Wedding and I asked him if he could afford it and he said “it just a wedding how much can it be” and after I broke down all the costs involved then he realized he wouldnt be able to do it so close to ours

Post # 12
47 posts
  • Wedding: May 2011

I know how you feel, and it’s extremely frustrating. My fiance and I only each asked a Maid/Matron of Honor and a Bridesmaid or Best Man because we figured a lot of friends wouldn’t go because we chose a destination wedding. Then all of them RSVP’d yes! We added a full bridal party bringing us each up to 5 attendants. That was back in September. Well, it’s now February and THREE of the groomsmen have bailed. All three of them repeatedly assured us that they were definitely coming and thrilled to be in the wedding. Then they dropped out. (via email, aughhh) (AFTER making me jump through hoops doing research and working up mock budgets for them, ugh) It definitely sucks and I feel terrible for my fiance. Honestly I think the most stressful part about planning your wedding is you find out who your real friends are… and sometimes that’s a bitter pill to swallow.

(Just wanted to add – I would have NO PROBLEM if any of these guys said no when asked. It’s waiting until now that I think is inexcusable. And dropping out via email, only after making US chase THEM to see what was going on because none of them were getting fitted for tuxes, etc.)

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