- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014
I hate to say it, but last night the great groomzilla reared its head.
For those who read my last post, you know how hard a time we’ve had finding my groom a suit to wear for the wedding. He’s an incredibly tough guy to fit, so the whole idea of dressing up and standing before 100 of our friends and family makes him very nervous. To make him more comfortable with the whole process, I’ve really gone out of my way to help him find a suit that would make him feel amazing and very James Bond on our wedding day. It took MONTHS, but I finally found him an AWESOME grey Ralph Lauren suit at Macy’s (and the best part? It was on sale for $400 off! Yay!). He LOVES it–and he’s going to have it tailored to fit him perfectly…so that worked out GREAT (thanks, Duncan, for all the help and advice on my previous thread). No joke–finding my fiancé’s attire was THE MOST stressful part of the whole wedding planning process so far!
We’ve now hit a total impasse trying to pick out vests and ties for the groomsmen. That’s right. The TIES. How could one small detail cause so much drama?
Well…I’ll tell you. The problem stems from the fact that we have a unique situation with our attendants. We have two girls (groom’s sisters) on his side, and I have two guys on my side. We both agreed that because we are not having a traditional wedding, we didn’t want them to switch sides. More importantly, while I would have no problem having his sisters on my side, my two guy friends barely know him. Yes, they’ve met him several times and like him very much, but they are my life-long friends and I’m the one they have a connection with. We both felt very strongly that if the attendants were going to stand with us, they should stand on the side of the person they are there to support.
So…consensus. Awesome. We moved on to deciding on the groomsman attire. Since we found the grey vested suit for him, my fiancé decided he wanted complimentary grey vested suits for the guys (though he wanted them in a slightly different shade of grey than his, so he could stand out). That sounded GREAT to me. Personally, I LOVE the look of grey vested suits. It’s so very Cary Grant or (Sean Connery) James Bond (and our wedding is in a 1920’s Spanish Villa, so vested grey suits would be perfect). Then, we had a chat about his sisters’ attire. He originally wanted them in the same (teal/peacock blue) dresses as my girls, but I explained that if he wanted to stand out from his bridal party (and he definitely does), it would be better for them to all match as closely as possible. I have been to SEVERAL weddings (and seen MANY photos online) that had a “best woman” or “groomswoman”–and it ALWAYS looked better when the girl’s dress matched the color of the guys’ suits (in our case, grey) rather than the color of the bridesmaids’ dresses. Again, I knew how much he wanted to stand out in his photos with his attendants, and that just would not happen if his sisters were wearing bright teal/peacock blue dresses. His sisters agreed with me, and after he gave them the green light, they ordered grey dresses.
So…we were on to the men. Last week I found a place nearby that rented grey vested suits that he liked and were in budget. It all seemed to be coming together. Since we were going with grey vested suits, I assumed that all that was left was to pick tie colors! I was SO wrong. Which brings me to last night. Since we’re meeting with the tuxedo shop on Sunday, we sat down to discuss the tie colors and that’s when everything hit the fan. For some reason, he thought that the guys on my side would be wearing vests to match the bridesmaids, and that his guys would be the only ones in grey vests. First, that’s a logistical impossibility. Even if I wanted to do that (which I REALLY don’t), Alfred Sung stopped making dupioni vests in our bridesmaid dress color over a year ago. I’ve looked, and only Jos. A. Bank had a vest color that was remotely close. I explained that and pointed out that we’d have to buy a bolt of the dress fabric and have vests custom made (which would cost like $80-100/vest–which is really out of budget). I also explained that all the similar shades at the tux rental place were more green-ish teal colors that totally clashed with the color we chose…and the turquoise shades they carried clashed too. I went on to explain that even if a matching vest was available, I wouldn’t want that. The matching vest and bridesmaid dress phenomenon is so high school prom. There’s a reason you never see celebrities on the red carpet wearing matching vests to their dates. Think about it.
Anyway, my groom completely freaked out over it. We’re talking complete meltdown. Now, that’s not at all his personality–so I knew he must just be exhausted (he’s had to work some pretty long hours lately) and not be communicating clearly. I asked him to clarify, and he explained that he never would have agreed to his sisters wearing grey. He then complained about how we should have just had them switch sides (and I reminded him that we specifically discussed NOT doing that, and it was HIS IDEA NOT TO!). He again totally wigged out. No joke–in five years of dating I’ve never seen him so upset over anything. And here I was–trying to make sure HE stood out in his own pictures…
It finally hit me that he probably just couldn’t visualize how bad the matchy-matchy thing would look–so I busted out the old laptop and showed him photos of “groomsmen faux-pas.” It got him laughing and I think he finally saw the point I was making. So…he finally admitted that he didn’t want his sisters to be the only ones that were dressed in a different way. I understand him not wanting them to feel excluded, but they’re matching his guys’ suits? How are they “different”? We talked some more and he said that he needs his groomsmen to look different than my guys…and he wants to look different on top of all of them. That seemed fine to me–but he offered ZERO suggestions on how to do that in a way that worked. Given that we’ve already chosen vested grey suits, the only thing I can think to do is have them wear different tie colors. The problem is, neither of us has any idea what to do with the ties. I spent the rest of last night and this morning scouring the internet to find three different color ties that not only complement each other, but also the bridesmaid dresses. The thing is, it’s proving FAR tougher than expected.
The only possible solution we’ve come to is this: for my guys, we’re thinking ties to match the bridesmaids. For my groom, we’re either going to get a champagne tie to match me, a black or charcoal tie. For his guys, he was thinking lighter grey ties. However, I worry that if his guys wear grey ties and he wears a black tie, they’ll be far too monochromatic. One of the reasons we liked the grey suits to begin with was that they looked great with bright colored ties…
So I need advice from some fashion-savvy bees! Does anyone have any suggestions on how to coordinate the groomsmen without being too “matchy matchy”? Any advice would be super helpful. Thanks!
For your reference, our wedding colors are peacock, aqua, celedon, and champagne. Here is an inspiration board with our colors, the suits we chose, and the dresses that the girls will be wearing (my girls in the blue, his in grey):