(Closed) Groomsmen drama :( (sorry, long)

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2606 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I know very little about Jehovah’s Witnesses, EXCEPT he wasn’t lying when he said he couldn’t go to the ceremony because of his religious beliefs or attend the parties.  My friend’s mother was a Jehovah’s Witness when my friend was growing up, and she said her mom wouldn’t even let her go to birthday parties, etc. as a kid.  It really sucks, but please tell your Fiance not to be discouraged; the fact that his friend declined has nothing to do with the friendship.

Post # 5
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Can “Joe” still go to the reception?  Since that won’t be in the church (like you I am unfamilar with this faith)? You can still have him be a groomsmen, just won’t be able to stand up in church.  Maybe he can just meet you at the reception site for photos and walking in with the bridesmaid-or however you are going to be announced. Talk to Joe to see if you can find a way to incorporate him in, would he consider being a groomsman.

Post # 6
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Wow, this is a sad situation. Is the other groomsman a JW? If not, I wouldn’t worry too much about him turning your Fiance down.

Is there anyone else he wants standing with him? If not, don’t worry.. we’re having an uneven number, too, and that’s ok! Good luck!

Post # 7
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with MsSassy.  Since he said a civil ceremony would be okay, would he still be able to attend the reception?  That way you could do pictures together and everything and he would just have to skip out on the actual ceremony part.

I don’t know too much about Jehovah’s Witnesses either (except I do remember the thing about b-day parties from elementary school)  Maybe another bee could chime in on this…?

Post # 8
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I feel so bad for your FI!  I am sorry this has happened.

I am not an expert on Jehovah’s Witnesses, but I work with a couple of ladies who are and have gone to school with a few.  The basic reasoning (as far as I understand it) behind the no birthdays, etc is that their faith says that they should celebrate only God and that celebrating holidays, birthdays, etc places us above God.  The Jehovah Witness faith is much more complex than that one thing, but it might help explain your FI’s friend’s declining of the invitation to be a groomsman.  Unless his other college friend is also a Jehovah’s Witness, that shouldn’t be an issue.

Post # 9
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

My sister is a Jehovah’s Witness.  As it has been explained to me.  They can ATTEND a church wedding but they will not read the prayers, hymns, sing, stand or kneel when it’s called for, and there is ABSOLUTELY no participation in the ceremony itself.  Most likely your FI’s friend won’t even be able to partake in the bachelor party but will DEFINATELY partake in the reception….

To Jehovah’s it is genuinely about their devotion to God.  It wont burn their ears off to hear the ceremony but they believe we all believe in false knowledge *reguardless of what religion you are* so they might even chuckle to themselves occasionally *my sister does this at weddings and funeral and other religious things – drives me crazy*

They celebrate weddings quite a bit though.. and anniversaries.  Just no birthdays and holidays.  They dont believe in superstition or rituals, so they will not partake in those either.

I honestly dont believe there is any way you will get this member into the bridal party without switching to a civil ceremony, but to be honest – it’s not worth it to do that if a religious ceremony is important to you.  My sister made it very clear – although she believes my religious is both silly and paganistic *I am Catholic – well, atleast I was at the time she told me that*, she would attend as my sister because she loves me… but that’s it.

Meanwhile – Both FH and I are agnostic *it’s been a lot of years* and our families consist of devout Catholics, Baptists, and Jehovahs and a buddist / agnostic or two… hope everyone’s not blown away when we have a Celtic Handfasting lol 

Post # 10
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I know JW’s are very strict, but there are several different sects lead by different individuals with varying opinions on issues like plural marriage, education, etc. It’s very hard to understand all the rules. It’s actually interesting to study – every time they were busted by the government a new leader would emerge and claim to have spoken to God and gotten a whole new set of religious rules that were very convenient for getting tax benefits.  

But if that is part of his belief system, it doesn’t matter what his religion says. And I like the idea of being an honorary groomsman, he can take part in the other events. My Fiance also took a very long time to ask his groomsman, almost 9 months into our engagement he hadn’t gotten around to it still. Things change, people drop out and are added I wouldn’t fixate too much on having an even number on each side.

Post # 13
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I really keep my fingers crossed for you…I hope the nonparticipation required will make it more possible for him… just say *well actually  you have no participation / role in the wedding ceremony, just to sit with us at the headtable… Jon just couldn’t imagine you NOT being there at all…*

Post # 14
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

That’s definitely unfortunate, but understandable. I have a friend here at work who is a JW, and the only things she celebrates are weddings and births. By weddings, I mean weddings in her own church, not others – and they can have a reception or attend a reception, so hopefully your Groomsmen will be able to do at least that. She won’t attend any other religious ceremony, so I think that might not work for your Groomsmen either.

Like you said, can he at least be around for pictures and whatnot? That would be a great way to still honor him, but he wouldn’t have to participate in the ceremony and go against his religious beliefs.

I hope this works out for your and your Fiance.

Post # 15
350 posts
Helper bee

My husband’s family has two Jehova’s witnesses.  They attended the reception but not the wedding (Catholic.)  You could just list him as “honorary groomsman” or something in the programs if he is not able to come – I wouldn’t press the groomsman too much on this, it can become a sensitive issue since it is due to his religion that he is not participating.

I know what you mean about the even sides – I was obsessed with having even sides and did have them.  BUT having seen our pictures with even sides and seen pictures of my friend’s wedding which were uneven…. IT SERIOUSLY DOES NOT MATTER!  They both look great! The important thing is to have people you care about on that day.

Post # 16
194 posts
Blushing bee

Awww…i feel so bad for him! Me and my Fiance got engaged last New Year’s eve, and FI’s best friend came to our party that evening! He was there when my Fiance proposed, so he was automatically asked to be the Best Man…well would’nt you know two weeks ago when my Fiance and the two groomsman went to get their measurements and pick out their tuxes, he didn’t show up! He called just 2 days ago to say that he wasn’t going to be able to be in the wedding!!! I feel sooo bad for my Fiance, he was crushed! As far as your Fiance goes, just reassure him that he will still have a good time with everyone, and it doesn’t matter who is in the wedding party, but who is there to support you in your marriage. I would see if he could attend the reception, as hello said, don’t press the groomsman issue. When it all boils down, your Fiance won’t care as much about who was in his wedding party that day, as much as he will that that was the day he married you and started your life together. Best of Luck!

The topic ‘Groomsmen drama :( (sorry, long)’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors