Post # 1
Member
1215 posts
Bumble bee
Our wedding will be small, and so will our wedding party. I am having my two sisters stand up, and my fiance has chosen a friend as his best man, but hasn’t decided on a groomsman. My brother in law really wants to be in the wedding, but he also isn’t my fiance’s favorite person. Just little things over the 4 years we’ve all known each other. My fiance helped him with his derby car, but when it came time to fix the tires on my mud truck, he couldn’t help. And he offered a hunting spot for my fiance and future step son, then at the last minute decided his cousin was going to hunt there instead. So my 8 year old step son was all geeked about hunting and then they didn’t have a spot. Stuff like that happens, not exactly all the time, but enough. My brother in law is a big talker and it annoys the crap out of my fiance. My sister would like her husband to walk down the aisle with her, and she wants her husband involved in all the wedding festivities. If it was my choice, I would just have my brother in law in the wedding to avoid hurt feelings. My fiance doesn’t see it that way, probably because his feelings have been hurt. We haven’t fought about it, because honestly, that’s a battle I’m not willing to fight. But I really don’t want to ruin my relationship with my sister. We’ve talked about having him as an usher, but I know that just wouldn’t be the same. Basically, my fiance is deciding between another friend and my brother in law. Should I nudge him toward my brother in law, or just let him decide?
Post # 2
Member
414 posts
Helper bee
- Wedding: September 2014 - Sunset Hills Country Club
aoppenhuizen: Trust me on this one, let him decide. Men figure things out differently than women do. At the end of it all, he will choose who he feels is best. If he doesn’t choose your BIL then your sister will have to gracefully accept it because it’s your day. She’s already had her day. You could put it to her like that. Tell her it’s not any hard feelings, but it’s you FI’s decision, and you’re going to respect his decision, regardless of who he chooses. Good luck!
Post # 3
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard
He should decide…on his own. The groomsmen are suppose to be the people closest to him that HE wants to have stand by his side. Let him decide.
Post # 4
Member
2232 posts
Buzzing bee
I would let him decide.
I don’t think it’s worth it for your husband to put up with a guy he doesn’t like just to spare the feelings of your sister and BIL. He should have people he actually likes as his groomsmen.
Your sister is a grown woman. If she can’t get past her husband not being a groomsman, she has issues. This is your fiance’s wedding, not hers. His comfort is what’s important, not hers. If she distances herself from you or starts trouble over this, then it probably would have happened sooner or later anyway, because silly reasoning like that isn’t a one time thing.
Post # 5
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
aoppenhuizen: Try thinking of it this way: what if you didn’t really like his sister, but he told you he wanted her in your bridal party? Would you agree or pick an awesome friend of yours to be a part of your day?
I personally don’t like one of my FI’s gm, but I won’t tell him to nix him. That’s his boy, and he wants him to stand up there with him on our day. Plus, you say you want to avoid hurting feelings… what about your FI’s feelings? If he’s not thrilled about your brother in law now, will he feel absolutely estatic then? (which is how I imagine the two of you on your wedding day 😀 )
Hope this helps!
Post # 6
Member
2460 posts
Buzzing bee
I’m not a fan of doing things just to avoid hurt feelings. Everyone’s an adult. Your fiance’s feelings definitely matter and you should just support him in whatever he decides. I think it’ll be pretty hard for your brother-in-law to not be involved in some aspects anyhow, since they’re family and it’s a small wedding.
Post # 7
Member
773 posts
Busy bee
aoppenhuizen: It’s really not your choice, and it’s not your sister’s choice either. Having your FI’s in-law in your wedding isn’t a “thing” the same way that many people consider having one’s sibling in a wedding. And it’s not really fair to your fiance to expect your family to dominate both sides of the bridal party; he should be able to choose the people who are most important to him to be up there for him. If it were your brother, that would be one thing, but definitely not a brother-in-law (unless they were genuinely close and he wanted him as a groomsman).
Post # 8
Member
45551 posts
Honey Beekeeper
aoppenhuizen: This is his decision. If it ruins your relationsip with your sister, there wasn’t much of a relationship there to start with.
Post # 9
Member
1215 posts
Bumble bee
Thanks guys! I felt like I was in a really tough spot, but you made me feel so much better. I’m sure my sister will be miffed but she’ll get over it. Monday night dinners at my parents house is about to get interesting again.
Post # 10
Member
1870 posts
Buzzing bee
He should pick his friend.
Post # 11
Member
2431 posts
Buzzing bee
I know it is the bride’s day but keep in mind it is your soon to be husband wedding too. The people who stand up beside him should be people who he wants there. If he doesn’t want your brother in law up there with him than don’t force him too. Remember its both of your wedding not your sister’s. If she gets upset oh well. You can’t please everyone.
Post # 12
Member
2709 posts
Sugar bee
aoppenhuizen: I agree with PPs, let him decide. I would not get involved. It’s completely unreasonable for your SIL to be upset over your FIs choices, she needs to get over it. She’s an adult and can walk down the aisle without her husband. I know how silly people can be, my SIL acted like a brat because I didn’t ask her to be a BM. It’s crazy, but if your FI isn’t close to someone, he shouldn’t be forced to pick them.
Post # 13
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
- Wedding: Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic
aoppenhuizen:
Let him decide. At the end of the day it is your wedding. I know you don’t want people’s feelings to be hurt, I understand that. That’s the thing about wedding, a lot of times the bride and the grooms have different friends. My husband wants his brothers and best friend to be his groom’s men. That great, but I’m not going to make their girlfriends my bride’s maids just to make everybody happy. When they get married they will have their opportunity to do that, this is yours.
Post # 14
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
aoppenhuizen: I am a firm believer that he should pick his groomsmen. Imagine if you had to spend the morning of the wedding with someone you didn’t really care about? This should be his decision, you don’t want him to be in a foul mood because he was forced to pick someone who annoys him.
Post # 15
Member
1215 posts
Bumble bee
MissHockey: And oh, the foul moods he is known for! He can get in a funk and act brattier than a teenage girl I swear. I think you hit the nail on the head with that one! He does not need any reason to be a brat on our wedding day. Yes I love him even when he acts up 😉
