Post # 16
Exactly. We aren’t okay with it, and I answered SIL before talking to my husband obviously but I was confident when I told her “Yeah, no that won’t happen” and she gave me the “omg but why not don’t you guys love us and are willing to help us whenever we need it?” sort of attitude/tone in her response.
Idk, guess I must be super stuck up to not want strangers staying in my house. All about helping people from the goodness of my heart, but Darling Husband and I didn’t feel like we were truly helping SIL and her fiance out, we’d be more helping groomsmen we don’t know from adam. Hell, I haven’t even decided if I want to leave my house considering its literally across the street and I could still be with the rest of the bridesmaids for everything besides sleeping in my own bed. So what if I decide to do that? Also didn’t think it was our problem if their house wasn’t bulit in time.
I figured I would get mixed responses bringing this up to the bee and I was interested to see what people would say.
Post # 17
I replied before I saw your comment and I absolutely agree!
They are about 5 years younger than us, and honestly I think that factors into things a lot. We love them to bits, but I think there is still going to be a big learning curve regarding boundaries that occurs. Moreso for them, than us.
Darling Husband and I regularly have our own conversations between us that essentially leave us feeling like “oof, we’ve got a lot to teach the kids”
ETA: Also re, my husband being home too… yeah I have zero issues with that, but based on SIL, these groomsmen would easily shrug him off regardless if its our house because “its the night before the wedding” – eyeroll – and unfortunately I think Darling Husband is being seen as the “dad” of the group premptively as he is the oldest groomsmen besides of of the fiances brothers. Meh.
Post # 18
Your SIL should have spoken to your husband who in turn should have spoken to you. So she escalated the whole situation, right from the start. If they think it’s cool to have an extension of the bach party the night before the wedding, forget about it. I wouldn’t want that in my house either. If they were just going to stay over I’d feel differently. My house is not party central for a bunch of old frat boys and it’s your husband who needs to make this clear with the SIL.
Post # 19
Nope, wouldn’t happen. I don’t have people overnight in my home if I don’t know them well. Especially since SIL has expressed concerns over their behavior.
They can stay with/get ready at her FH’s house.
Post # 20
I wouldn’t want to “host” them either, especially when theyre basically strangers and for their rowdiness. I guess I’m a more private person and am selective in inviting who could stayover in my “precious home” lol. I need my space and do not like sharing space with people I don’t know [well].
It was rude of your Future Sister-In-Law to impose such a request on you. Hopefully their house would be finished in time!
Post # 21
A good friend of mine was actually in your situation, her sister was buying a house and they didn’t know it settlement would go through yet.
They compromised and said that the Groomsmen were more than welcome to drive over the morning of the wedding and get ready together at my friends house (with her boyfriend). But she wasn’t going to have them all stay the night before (for what it’s worth they got their house in time so it didn’t matter).
This might be an option for you to explore? It’s unlikly they would get drunk enough to trash the place in the moring, and groomsmen don’t take that long to get ready so they really don’t HAVE to stay the night before.
Post # 22
If they wanted to get ready there in the morning/day of I’d probably be ok with it but that’s only because the hotel room they’d rent to sleep in the night before usually has 11am checkout. My house is not up for Airbnb-ing at someone else’s discretion!
Post # 23
- Wedding: February 2018 - UK
Yeah, I wouldn’t be ok with this either. I may be odd, but I really don’t like having people in my house in general. People I don’t know well, staying the night, and with me not there? That would be a big hell no.
Post # 24
if I’m so close to the couple that we are in each other’s wedding and also family plus the conversation is only if their own house is not ready and they might be in a pickle I would want to help them out and have no qualms about it, I might have even offered myself. Occasions like weddings are suppose to bring people together and in my family we put our egos aside and help as much as we can.
Post # 25
Also an interesting take, it doesn’t bother me she brought it up to me first though. The thing is though, these guys are literally all “frat aged” besides one, and total speculation but I could see them having the mindset of “oh last night of freedom” and going hog-wild, but idk… just going off what I know.
Exactly my point, like SIL has openly told me stories about this group and their dynamic (drama among the brothers who have caused random fights for no reason for example) and you want them to stay in my house where I am liable? Lol, no thanks.
Not really about egos so much as doing what we are comfortable with.
A lot of others gave the same response I also agree with too… I think we’d be fine if they would get ready in our house the day of. Idk, I’m definitely more introverted though and like MY space so still the general idea of people I don’t know using my house is weird to me and uncomfortable. If it happened to be a wedding party of people we knew, I’d probably feel differently.
Post # 26
You don’t volunteer my home if you do not live in my home…..You ask. PERIOD!
Post # 27
If you’re ok with them getting ready in your place instead the day of, perhaps that’s a better situation? I wouldn’t bring it up with her again unless she does. For all you know, this might not even happen. kmbumbee190618 :
Post # 28
Oh we definitely aren’t brining it up again since its all a big IF. I was mostly curious to see how others would handle it. I’m absolutely hoping their house will be built by then, I don’t see why it wouldn’t be.
Tbh, I’m still even iffy on hosting them even getting ready in our house. Like I said, call me cold or stuck-up but I find it weird and uncomfortable a bunch of guys Darling Husband and I don’t know outside of the groom are getting ready in our house. I know Darling Husband is there, but he’s only one person and I don’t trust the other groomsment to be respectful per their background we were told.
I feel like us being uncomfortable and feeling weird about it should be enough (and it is for us) so we’ll just take it as it comes when it gets closer and go from there.
Post # 29
if they end up needing a place to get ready then you must be upfront with her. Yes, it’s not cool for her to volunteer your place. So if it happens, your choices are either to tell her straight you are not doing it (expect this to result with hurt feelings and that you’ll be ok dealing with the aftermath) or just suck it up for this one time (then decline if something similar comes up in the future).
Post # 30
It is your sister-in-law’s responsibility to provide or pay for accomodations, not yours. It would have been up to you to offer and was incredibly rude and inappropriate for her to assume. That’s if they were the most well behaved group in history.