(Closed) Groomsmen insisting on wearing military suit – how to handle??

posted 8 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Tell him that you want all the groomsmen to match and if he doesn’t want to conform (because seriously, that’s not an unreasonable request from you), you’ll be happy to let him wear his military suit to the wedding…as a guest.

Post # 4
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think this would be a different issue if he were active duty and wanted to wear his dress uniform, as it is often customary to wear a uniform in these situations. But if he’s no longer in the military…I vote that he doesn’t really get a say what he is wearing if he is a groomsman.

Post # 5
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

@sharttle: What do you plan to have the other groomsmen wear? You should just have your Fiance or yourself send out an email saying “this is the color suit you need to get”

Does he have a wife/fiancee/girlfriend? If so – talk to them because they probably have more power over him! Or maybe have one of your parents say something to him if he is not listening to you?

Post # 6
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree with sapphirebride, if he was on active duty it would be a different story. But you said he’s no longer in the military, so he shouldn’t be wearing his uniform at all. I think there are actual military rules about that. I don’t think you’re allowed to wear a uniform if you’re not currently in the military.

Post # 7
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

This is YOUR wedding. You need to do what you and your fiancee want. If that means no military suit then you just need to come right out and be blunt with your brother. Tell him that he needs to respect your wishes as the bride and you would like him in the same suit/tux as everyone else. Its not about what he wants. In time hopefully he will get over it. But as you said, he is not active right now anyway!

 

Post # 8
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with @Statutory Grape. It also sounds like, to me, he wants to look good and make a statement at your wedding but you’ve got to just put your foot down and tell him no. 

Post # 9
Member
1016 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’m all for guys wearing their uniforms (DH and half of his groomsmen did for our wedding) but if he’s no longer in the military I don’t think he’s even allowed to wear it… (someone else may be able to correct me but that’s my understanding…)

If he is allowed to wear it (according to the military) I would let him.  But that’s just me…

Post # 10
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

He is still allowed to, as long as he has been honorably discharged. 

I understand that it wasn’t your vision, but you should let him.

Post # 12
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Tell him that he can wear his military suit to HIS wedding but not yours. Or like a PP said he can wear it to your wedding as a GUEST. I think you just have to put your foot down and tell him that he simply cant do it. I cant even understand why he is insisting on this.

Post # 13
Member
659 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

He is most certainly allowed to wear his non-combat uniforms in public as long as he was retired/honorably discharged. 

Why does he want to wear it?  Was he in combat?  Does he feel a certain connection to it? If so, I could reconsider and look at it from his point of view. 

Or, reconsider having him in your wedding party if you must have a coordinated look. 

Post # 14
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

i am in the process of begging my brother to wear his dress blues (he is a marine and 10 months younger than me) i think they look so sharp and im very very proud of him, so i think he should show it off.

Post # 15
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Maybe he can wear it to the rehearsal dinner instead?

Post # 16
Member
3166 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

this is an interesting thread! my FH is prior Army (special forces Airborne paratrooper) and before we got engaged he mentioned something about wanting to wear his uniform. now, he’s only mentioned tuxes. i don’t care what he ends up wearing because he’ll look dapper either way, but i didn’t know if he was allowed to wear it if not active or if it might be weird (thoughts?) so i appreciate some of the clarification in this thread! in your brother-groomsman situation, i think you absolutely have the right to tell him what to wear since he’s out now, but maybe you can incorporate something else into his like a pocket square or something with his bout that has a military connotation – like a challenge coin peeking out or a pin on his lapel something? that way you’re showing that you want to recognize his service but not make it a focal point or cause for distraction.

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