Post # 1
This morning, at 230am, I woke up in a panic about groomsmen’s suits. My wedding is 6/9/2012 so I think the nightmares are coming right on schedule.
My Fiance seems to think that the groomsmen can wear any navy suit that they have sitting around at home. I have a serious problem with this, for the following reasons:
1. shades of navy vary widely (even more so than black) and the photos will look terrible with so much mismatching.
2. my parents are spending an unusually large amount of money on this wedding, and they think all the suits should match, but my fiance disagrees, which is causing a lot of tension
3. all of MY friends are spending $250 on a nice dress (all of them match–same color, different styles.) So why can’t men get it together and drop a couple hundred on a nice suit for the day?
4. our wedding is very formal (Tridentine mass)
I cannot get through to my fiance that it is common to ask men to rent suits for the day. He thinks I am beng unreasonable. I’d like to add that he hasn’t even chosen the remainder of his groomsmen (still needs to choose 2 or 3) Has anyone else struggled with issuses like this with your groom? Am I doomed? The wedding is in 5 months.
HELP me please.
Thank you in advance for your help. Happy New year to all!
Post # 3
Relax and breath.
It sounds like this is a big deal for you and not for him. Is there a way you could meet in the middle? They can wear their suits but you choose their vests. Is there another part of the wedding that you wont budge on but Fiance wants you to?
If you’re dead set then make sure he realises just how important this is to you.
Personally though, I don’t think matching suits is anything to lose sleep over. Hugs!
Post # 4
It’s not the end of the world if the Groomsmen suits don’t match. However, since you are doing a formal wedding, it does make sense that the Groomsmen all have the same suit.
What’s FI’s reason for not wanting to ask the GM? Does he feel it’s an issue on expense? Or does he think they aren’t necessary? The thing is, even if he feels it’s unnecessary, you feel it is necessary. My huntch is that it boils down to a money thing. If that’s the case, and it is really important to you, I’d consider paying for their suits. That seems like a fair compromise, assuming the money is really the issue.
When talking to Fiance I would talk to him about how important it is for you to have everyone matching and formal. How you want to look at your wedding pictures and wedding party pictures and not focus on what they are wearing, but remember the memories of the day. You could also share with him how you’ve always had your heart set on having a matching wedding party and/or explain to him why it’s so important to you.
I also would suggest talking to Fiance about when he plans to make his final Groomsmen choices, because it’s starting to stress you out and it’s one less think you want to think about. Are you worried about it because you feel he’s going to wait too long? Or it is some other reason? I don’t think him waiting to choose is a big deal – but you should let him know when you need to know (for ordering flowers, programs, gifts, etc.)
ETA: I think there’s always a disparity between what the BM’s pay and what the GM’s pay. I’d really try to dig deeper with Fiance to find out why he thinks renting/buying suits is unnecessary.
Post # 5
@oracle: Thank you so much. I have a hunch it’s a financial issue. My Fiance is very cost-concious, and I know he has the mentality of “it’s one day,” but it’s hard for me because I have this image in my mind of how I want things to look, and I need his support so we can get all of our Groomsmen on board.
He is a very caring and thoughtful person, and I know he feels awkward asking his friends to spend $175 on something they’ll never wear again. (I totally get this part of things!) However, I think I might suggest that we encourage Groomsmen to skip getting us gifts for the wedding as a way to offset costs…That way, they’ll have travel expenses only instead of worrying about a gift on top of everything else.
I consider myself to be a reasonable person, and I would be willing to buy all of the groomsmen a matching tie to offset additional costs for them…but I seriously need all of the suits to match; that’s all I’m saying!
Post # 6
@nromano5: Thanks for the additional information. If there are also travel costs involved, I can definitely understand why your Fiance is sheepish about asking his Groomsmen to shell out more money. I think if Fiance still feels uncomfortable about asking them and/or you know the Groomsmen are not able to contribute that you offer to at least contribute to the cost of the suit. Not asking them to get you a gift is being a little presumptuous, IMO.
At the end of the day – you two need to decide if it’s more important to have who he wants standing by his side, or more important that they all match. I realize BOTH are important to you, but if he won’t bend, you’ll likely need to make more of a compromise than simply buying matching ties.
Post # 7
@nromano5: (side note– Tridentine Mass! WOOT! 😀 )