(Closed) Groomsmen nightmare?

posted 6 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
4152 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Relax and breath.

It sounds like this is a big deal for you and not for him.  Is there a way you could meet in the middle?  They can wear their suits but you choose their vests.  Is there another part of the wedding that you wont budge on but Fiance wants you to?

If you’re dead set then make sure he realises just how important this is to you.

Personally though, I don’t think matching suits is anything to lose sleep over. Hugs!

Post # 4
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

It’s not the end of the world if the Groomsmen suits don’t match.  However, since you are doing a formal wedding, it does make sense that the Groomsmen all have the same suit.

What’s FI’s reason for not wanting to ask the GM?  Does he feel it’s an issue on expense?  Or does he think they aren’t necessary?  The thing is, even if he feels it’s unnecessary, you feel it is necessary.  My huntch is that it boils down to a money thing.  If that’s the case, and it is really important to you, I’d consider paying for their suits.  That seems like a fair compromise, assuming the money is really the issue.

When talking to Fiance I would talk to him about how important it is for you to have everyone matching and formal.  How you want to look at your wedding pictures and wedding party pictures and not focus on what they are wearing, but remember the memories of the day.  You could also share with him how you’ve always had your heart set on having a matching wedding party and/or explain to him why it’s so important to you.

I also would suggest talking to Fiance about when he plans to make his final Groomsmen choices, because it’s starting to stress you out and it’s one less think you want to think about.  Are you worried about it because you feel he’s going to wait too long?  Or it is some other reason?  I don’t think him waiting to choose is a big deal – but you should let him know when you need to know (for ordering flowers, programs, gifts, etc.)

ETA:  I think there’s always a disparity between what the BM’s pay and what the GM’s pay.  I’d really try to dig deeper with Fiance to find out why he thinks renting/buying suits is unnecessary.

Post # 6
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@nromano5:  Thanks for the additional information.  If there are also travel costs involved, I can definitely understand why your Fiance is sheepish about asking his Groomsmen to shell out more money.  I think if Fiance still feels uncomfortable about asking them and/or you know the Groomsmen are not able to contribute that you offer to at least contribute to the cost of the suit.  Not asking them to get you a gift is being a little presumptuous, IMO.

At the end of the day – you two need to decide if it’s more important to have who he wants standing by his side, or more important that they all match.  I realize BOTH are important to you, but if he won’t bend, you’ll likely need to make more of a compromise than simply buying matching ties.

Post # 7
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@nromano5: (side note– Tridentine Mass! WOOT! 😀 )

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