Post # 1
Just wanted your opinion on something since I seem to get conflicting opinions from my bridesmaids. What do you think of your fi having a groomswoman in your wedding?
My fi is having one of his childhood friends (who happens to be female) stand in our wedding. I love his friend, and think she is awesome. We decided that instead of making her a bridesmaid (I already have 7 at this point) we would make her a groomswoman. She is standing on his side, and wearing the same dress as the bridesmaids but in black. All of us are gung ho with this idea. I think it’s great because yeah, I could just have made her a bridesmaid, but she isn’t MY friend, she’s fi’s friend, and why can’t that be reflected even though it’s not the traditional way to do things? (I’ve actually been to a wedding with several groomswomen, and it was just as beautiful).
Yesterday I was chatting with one of my BMs who just cannot let go of the idea of having a groomswoman. She confessed that she and another one of the bridesmaids thought it was a bad idea, that she didn’t get it, that it insinuated that this girl was going to “sleep with your fiance” and “where does this girl get off thinking she can stand on his side” and “really, why didn’t you just make her a BM?”
I didn’t think this was a bad idea at all–in fact, I thought it was a heartfelt nod to the friendship my fi has with her. It seems incredibly sexist to me to say that just because she is a woman, she has to stand with the other women, even though she has a years long friendship with Fiance (and not with me). I was just really unnerved that there were such strong opinions about this and frankly, it ticked me off that my friend was thinking in such a way.
So, what do you think? What would you tell my Bridesmaid or Best Man in response? And what do you think of the whole groomswoman concept?
Post # 3
Well my brother is my man of honor, so obviously I have no problem with mixing up the traditional genders. I figure you should have whoever is most important in your life stand up with you, regardless of gender.
Post # 4
I went to a wedding where they had both a man of honour (bride’s brother) and a best woman (groom’s best friend).
It’s not about having a girls side and a boys side, it’s about having the people you are closest to stand up with you and support you into your marriage. Why shouldn’t he have a groomswoman?!
I don’t know what I’d say to the BMs, honestly I’d probably go all feminist-y on them.
Post # 5
I have a brides-dude, and although he’s standing on my FI’s side (we only have 2 each so it’d be super awkward to have 3 and 1- my Fiance was afraid it’d look like he didn’t have friends), he’s still being listed everywhere as brides-dude and he’s coming to all the girly events. I say go for it. I also think it’s extremely insulting to you, your Fiance, and your grooms-woman for anyone to insinuate that she is angling to sleep with your Fiance.
Post # 6
My fiance’s “best man” is his best girl friend. 🙂 I think it’s an awesome idea!
Post # 7
@BeignetBride: My husband had a good female friend that stood on his side. In that case, I asked my closest brother to stand on my side. As you can see, she wore an elegant dress and colorful corsage in orange/gold, my husband’s colors, and my brother wore a purple tie to match the colors on my side. I’ll write you a private message in a bit. 🙂
Post # 8
it’s not about boys vs girls. it’s all about having the people who mean the most to you stand up and support you.
i think it’s a great idea.
i had my son as my man of honour and my dh had his sister as his best woman. those are our closest family/friends.
Post # 9
reading your post in the beginning, not once did i think what your Bridesmaid or Best Man thought. It’s your wedding. You do what makes you happy and comfortable. I have no idea why your Bridesmaid or Best Man would think that. I like the idea. I’m not having any Bridesmaid or Best Man in my wedding and my best friend lives out of state. I was actually thinking about making my best guy friend my Maid/Matron of Honor. lol. I say go for it!
Post # 10
My husband had his best friend (female) in our wedding and I loved it. She did a tux and the same color tie as him and the other groomsmen. Come to think of it she was his best woman. I say go for it
Post # 11
if you and your Fiance and obviously the groomswomen dont have a problem with it, it is no problem. Why complicate things with everyone elses opinion
Post # 12
Not necessarily complicating it with their opinion….I’m just amazed at how divisive this has been, and how the opinihave about it are strong.
Post # 13
Frankly, I’d tell your Bridesmaid or Best Man to get over it and you’re really surprised at the horrible insinuations that your Husband would cheat on you and much less with his life long friend.
sorry, I’m highly pissed off for you. I would have cut anyone out who said anything like that about one of SO’s girl friends. I love the few girl friends he has.
And I kind of now want one of my BM’s to be SO’s groomswoman =)
I can see one in particular in a pretty little black dress and a tie to match his and maybe even a fedora…..
Post # 14
I love the idea, and your friend is WAY out of line.
Post # 15
that it insinuated that this girl was going to “sleep with your fiance”
…wait, what?!?! I’m really sorry if this offends you but, are you sure this person is a true friend? (The Bridesmaid or Best Man, not the groomswoman). This comment simply disgusts me. What close mindedness. I can’t even…BLAH!
(sorry but this has made me really cranky)
Post # 16
Wow! That is actually such an uneducated, disrespectful, careless unthoughtful, comment from your BMs, not to mention idiotic among other words too.
My Fiance is having one of his best female friends stand up with him and not one person cares or made a comment!