Post # 17
Uhhhg… you will always have people who – though well intentioned – project their own negative experiences on to situations that they know nothing about, and have nothing to do with them. This is one of those situations. I’ve been there. I was told by a friend of an ex that no guy would ever marry me because of the relationship I had wtih my two best guy friends from HS (oh hi, Im getting married in 9 days). I was also told that it was “only a matter of time” before I regretted not caring that Fiance sometimes crashed on the couch of his (married) good female friend (it’s been 5 years, thats an awfully long “matter of time”).
All I can say is ignore it. You can tell them firmly but politely that if you wanted feedback on this, you’d ask for it.
Post # 18
We’re having mixed genders on both sides- four of the same gender and two of the opposite. We’re calling them Bridesmen and groomsmaids because we think it’s funny. My bridesmen are my twin brother and my best male friend from high school, while his groomsmaids are his sisters.
I think it’s a little dated to think that parties should only be the same gender. I also think youre Bridesmaid or Best Man is being a bit silly! I’d tell her that it’s your and your FI’s bridal party, and you don’t care what she thinks!
Post # 19
I was in a wedding once where the bride had a man who stood on her side, and although it took me a while to get used to the thought and I didn’t really understand it at first, once she explained it to me I understood and was ok with it. (He was actually an ex of mine, which added on another layer of awkward for me personally, but the idea in general was pretty cool with me.)
At some point my DH asked me if he could have a groomwoman, but seeing as that particular lady was one that he had slept with (albeit in the distant past) I nixed that idea pretty quick.
But in general, I think it’s an awesome thing to do. I can see other bridesmaids being confused about it (as I once was the first time I saw it done), but after a bit of explination they should pipe down… I also think its innapropriate to make some wild accusations about her and your groom when they obviously dont understand the situation. BESIDES, (and this is going to sound horrible) making her stand on your side wouldn’t make one lick of difference as to whether or not she was trying to sleep with your husband lol. I fail to see how moving her to your side would make anything less suspect lol. So your BM’s comment not only was disrespectful and rude, it also didnt make a lick of sense.
Post # 20
Exactly! Dont let her insecurities become yours! My Fiance picked a ‘best lady’ instead of a best man and i am totally ok with it, because i trust him 100%.
Post # 21
We were going to do this, but decided against it. I was going to have 4 bridesmaids and 1 bridesman, my Fiance was going to have 4 groomsmen and 1 groomswoman. My FI’s groomswoman was going to be his sister, but after talking about it, we felt like it might make his sister feel uncomfortable or weird. We decided to just be traditional.
With that said, I think if your FI’s groomswoman is cool with it, then do it! Who cares what your BMs say!
Post # 22
It’s 2012! Mixed genders are acceptable and friendly! Or should be….
I’m confused about why your BM’s are so upset about it! Why would they think that about your fiance and your groomswoman friend? I would be pissed at THEM for thinking he is going to resort to CHEATING. That is just crazy talk!
Post # 23
I definitely get that it’s “not the norm”, but I didn’t anticipate a slight uproar from the bridesmaids.
Post # 24
I think it’s sweet, and I’ve been to a few weddings that had groomswomen (including my own — although she was my fiance’s sister). One wedding had completely mixed parties on both sides… I thought it was pretty cool, and a testament to the couple’s awesome, inclusive personalities.
Post # 25
I had a bridesman in my wedding. My husband didn’t really care. The only thing that worried me was that I wasn’t going to like the way it looked in the pictures and i wasn’t sure how we’d walk down the isle with an extra male. Turns out, I loved the way the pictures looked and we had 2 sets of 2 guys and a girl walking ( which was nice for the girls in heels on grass) then we had my two maids of honours walk with the two bestmen. It worked out well. He wore the exact same as the groomsmen.
Post # 26
I was a close (male) friend’s Woman of Honor! Actually, we were a small, all-girl wedding party, save for the groom. It was such a relaxed day. He and I had a huge brunch the morning of the wedding and spent a couple hours in the afternoon chatting at a coffeshop. Then, at 3 PMish, he looked at his watch and said, “Op, guess we better go get ready now!” I’ve been a bridesmaid another six times and that experience was so much more relaxed than being on the bride’s side. And I totally agree with @jennicole01 that having a mixed party highlights the couple’s inclusiveness.
That being said, props to your FH for choosing his gal friend to stand up with him! And lucky her for having such understanding friends such as yourselves! Good luck with the negative bridesmaid, but when it comes down to it, whatever makes you happiest is what you should go with.
Post # 27
I’m sorry but the fact that your friend said that it implies the woman would sleep with your fiance is just plain disgusting and wrong. Doesn’t sound like somebody I’d want to be friends with at all – ever.
My best friend is a guy and he was my Man of Honor. Nobody I would have rather had stand by my side.
Post # 28
“I’m sorry you feel that way.” That’s what I say when people are being insane. Mixing bridal party genders is a great way to include special people. I don’t get people’s problems with it.
Post # 29
After reading this thread, I’ve decided to make my guy friend my MOH! He is the only person I can think of when it comes down to being my true best friend. And my Fiance agrees! My Fiance will probably have his female cousin be his “bestman.” I asked my guy friend, which whom he is happily married with a new born baby, accepted! lol
Post # 30
I’ve never understood the idea of gender-separating in the wedding party. Why would you want *your* friend/sibling/whatever standing up for anyone but you? Rock your support group, regardless of gender.
As for the comments about it… if you can, take it as an opportunity to educate them, explaining that not all weddings should look like the ones in movies, and that you and your Fiance want to stand with the people who support them the most — and that that’s exactly what you’re going to do. Nobody asked for an opinion.
Post # 31
OK, I’m a feminist and very supportive of the existence of platonic male-female friendships, so take my opinion for what it is…
but I think the Bridesmaid or Best Man who implied that a girl being a groomswoman rather than a bridesmaid would somehow lead to your fiance sleeping with her sounds like halfway to some Taliban-land idea of male-female dynamics, if you ask me! Seriously, what on earth??? Reminds me of the old “Cats and dogs, living together, MASS HYSTERIA!!!” line from Ghostbusters! Lol!
My brother is standing up on “my side”. He’s MY brother! I have been to a number of weddings where the bridal party was organized along who was close to who – not boy-girl.