Post # 1
Yay for my 2nd post! Ok Bee’s, I’m struggling with our bridal party. Although we are not yet engaged, we’ve been dating long enough and the toptic has come up several times and is now giving me anxiety. So my FFI has 3 sisters, and I have 2 sisters, BUT, I have several best friends and have been in 15 weddings and in a few, been chosen as the Maid/Matron of Honor over the brides sisters. I’m close to my sisters so naturally my older one will be my maitron and my younger single sister will be my Maid/Matron of Honor. My FFI is close to my brother in law and a few close friends, but non that he feels obligated to have in it. He is in law enforcement and doesn’t feel the need to get his fellower officers involved since they aren’t “our” friends. Anyway, if I had to pick the minimum of girls that I am closest to and cherish with all my heart, I would have 9 BM’s. I know, crazy, but these girls are so precious to me and I couldn’t imagine our wedding without them.
now, onto FFI sisters. They’re great. Theyve been in my life for 8 years (we’ve been dating for 4 of the 8) and we’ve recently started getting closer. Any way, I feel weird having 9 BM’s and not including them, but he has THREE SISTERS. he doesn’t seem to mind if I have them in it or not, because he knows how close I am to my girls. SO, would it be weird to have then stand on his side? I asked him about it and he said he thinks that it would look like there wasn’t enough room on my so I stuck them on his.
anyway, I would love feedback from anyone who has had a large bridal party and pros and cons of what that experience, or from someone who had the opposite sex on their side or groomswomen. Also, I would love feedback of women who have brothers that got married and were or were not asked to be in the wedding. Might I add, FFI’s older sister got marriEd last year and I wasn’t in it. Thanks for the input, Bees! 🙂
Post # 3
I did not have DH’s sister in-law in my wedding… Unless you are particularly close, I don’t think it’s absolutely necessary!
Post # 4
@ChuckNorris: I’m sorry I’m new, what is DH? Haha
Post # 5
@Mrs_Shelton13: Darling Husband = Dear/darling husband.
Grooms women would be fine. Up until like 2 years ago, I was sure my bridesmaids would at least partially be bridesmen, or I’d have like… two. lol. Nine seems to be a lot though! I’ve never really understood why people need bridesmaids/groomsmen anyway really? Aside from a maid/matron of honor and a best man. The others just sort of stand there and it requires them to spend money on clothes they’ll never wear again… lol. I wouldn’t worry about excluding anyone at this point 😉
Does he have 9 groomsmen to balance your 9 maids? If not, I’d say maybe, since they’re his sisters. But it doesn’t sound like he wants them to be on his side… in which case, I’d say you have no choice but to exclude them. However, if he doesn’t have 9 groomsmen, I would say that they could be on his side because they’re his sisters, and he doesn’t have enough guys to balance out the sides. There’s nothing wrong with having unbalanced sides, I just think it looks better/is more ideal when they are 😉
Post # 6
@Mrs_Shelton13: Dear husband. Haha. Sorry!! Welcome to the bee. I will find you the abbrevations page.
Post # 7
Post # 8
Oh and welcome to the bee!!!!! =)
Post # 9
@yanamari: you’re right about 9 being a lot, but of the 9 I was in 5 of their weddings and the other 4 I know I would be in there’s too. I guess my reasons for choosing these 9 anot for emotional reasons rather than having a “need” for them. FFI defenitely does not have 9 guys he would ask. halls happy with his 3-4, or lately he’s been saying lets not have any one up there with us, but I don’t know how I feel about that. Because we’ve been together for so long, we’ve accumulated a lot of close friends over the years and many people feel close to us and like they are a part of our relationship. It would be very hard for me to not have the 9 in it because I would feel like I’m hurting their feelings. Ugh, I hate this.
And as far as the sides being even, I’m OCD about that stuff but I’ve been to enough weddings where the sides aren’t even and it’s worked out fine especially is you have a photographer that is familiar with those bridal parties. Thanks!
Post # 10
@ChuckNorris: thank you for the kind welcome! 🙂
oh my gosh that is hilarious! I had no clue that existed. I need to print out my reference page and study it so I can figure out what these Bees are talking about. Haha thanks again! 🙂
Post # 11
I have 10 bridesmaids and have been in 2 weddings where I was one of 9 bridesmaids and it was never an issue. Fiance has 7 GMs, so it won’t be even, but it doesn’t bother me.
However, I don’t think its weird to have your FI’s sisters stand on his side. It’s your day, you should do whatever makes you happy!
Post # 12
I was in a wedding with more than 9 bridesmaids as well as 2 MoH (one maid, one matron) and a groomswoman. It was a freakin train wreck, on so many levels.
All the bridesmaids were from the same social circle and genuinely got along quite well, but trying to plan anything as a group was a nightmare. Everything from picking the dresses (with 9 girls you will have 9 different body styles and there’s not a dress in the world or a color in the world that looks good on all of them) to coordinating schedules just plain sucked. Our processional felt like it took ages, and by the time the tallest of the bridesmaids made their way down the aisle, people were fidgeting and fussing in their seats. People just do not want to sit there while a parade happens. Pictures before the ceremony took ages, pictures between ceremony and reception took ages, and despite the couple having three (yes three) photographers, most of the bridesmaids never made it into any of the candid shots, simply because the group was so large.
The bride and groom needed four limos for the wedding party— big $$$$.
And all of this is without even factoring in what happens if those 9 ladies do not get along. You are setting yourself up for high drama potential.
As for the groomswoman, I don’t personally find it weird but I know a lot of more traditional folks do, as do some older folks, so if it will bother you to hear negative comments for years to come, then don’t do it—- and if you don’t care what people say, or have a less traditional social circle, go for it.
Post # 13
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
I have a bridesman! So I would have no problem with groomswomen … but I also don’t think it’s REQUIRED to include family in the bridal party. Or to have all the bride’s who’s parties you have been in also stand up with you.
You’ll see several frustrating stories on here about brides who have a too large bridal party!
Post # 14
My one suggestion if his sisters stand up with him is to have them wear dresses of a different color, to distinguish the groomswomen from the bridesmaids… something to match the color of his suit/tux. Some stunning black cocktail dresses would do the trick. I totally believe that in this day and age, there is no reason the groomsmen must be male. I think it’s better to have the people closest to you standing by your side on such a momentous occasion rather than pick someone who is less important to you simply because they have a penis.
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I can offer two bits of insight:
– we are having a small wedding party, with only our siblings included. (We’ve been together for a loooong time and picking among our friends seemed too hard.) My sister will be on my side, his brother and sister will be on his side. We like the idea of each being supported by our siblings. For reference, we are both close to our siblings but certainly not best-friendy and only see them 1-4 times a year.
– my sister got married last summer and they had no wedding party at all. It seemed very nice and intimate and not weird at all. I didn’t mind whatsoever that I wasn’t included in a wedding party. However, if she did have one and didn’t include me, I would have felt hurt.
I would have them as groomswomen! Why not? They can wear Bridesmaid or Best Man or black dresses but stand over on his side? Hang out with you, or him, beforehand – whichever they prefer. And if you don’t include your FI’s sisters in the wedding party, can you have them be ushers or escorts or something?
Post # 16
I think it’s totally fine. My Fiance was the “Man of honour” at his sister’s wedding, and she will be the “Best Woman” at ours. AND my brother will be my “Man of honour”. I think people recognize that family is what’s important, and no one should fault you for choosing siblings over someone of the “correct” gender. (phooey!)
I like the idea of putting the groomswomen in black dresses. I think black dresses are classy female versions of tuxes.