(Closed) Groomzillas, how much input is too much?

posted 6 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would make a list of all of the elements of the wedding, and each of you rank which ones are the most important to you. Hopefully a lot of the elements most important you you aren’t as important to him and the ones important you him aren’t as important to him. Then the person who cares more about the item gets to pick that item. For example, my Fiance cares a lot about music and I care a lot about attire, so he is choosing the DJ and I am choosing the attire. If it turns out that you have very similar rankings, (ex you both ranked flowers your most important element) then you just have to divide up the list so that each gets half, and you each get to choose some of your most important items and some of your least important items.

Post # 4
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

@asscherlover:  GREAT advice.

You’re both going to have to compromise. How do you each view the day? Ex: Does one want a JOP ceremony with a backyard BBQ, where the other wants a 300+ formal black tie event? In that scenario, would you both be ok with 150 semi-formal?

Budget and guest list will make the biggest impact on your wedding, so you really need to come to an agreement on those first. You’ll probably go over both, but it gives you a starting point.

Post # 5
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Have you asked him if he’s been dreaming about his wedding for a long time too?

Post # 6
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I’m dealing with the same thing. At first I thought it was fantastic, and now we’re butting heads over a lot of things. I want a more handmade and personal wedding, he wants fancy, fancy, fancy.

We’re planning well in advance, so thankfully we have lots of time to get over the bumps and make decisions. I can’t say that it’s been fun so far, though.

One thing I’ve had good luck with, though, is to not discuss anything wedding related unless we’re both in good moods. And when it comes to certain things, I just get fed up with discussing it and tell him what I’m picking later on when we’re both in good moods, like the shade of blue my bridesmaid dresses are going to be. He was so picky, but as soon as I made a decision and told him what I was doing, he didn’t care.

Post # 7
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

My sister went through the same thing.

I am happy to say that I have full creative control lol. If he has an opinion, he’ll let me know, otherwise he’s happy if I’m happy. It has made decision-making much easier. And whenever I need help, he does what he can, but mostly he has been taking care of cooking and cleaning while I slave away at wedding projects! It’s a huge help!

Post # 8
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Mine is very involved. The way I see it, it’s his wedding too. We both want to be represented. His family is making fun of him (though theyre very much of the mindset that the bride is most important), but I don’t want to do this alone, nor do I want to shut him out.

As was stated, perhaps he’s been dreaming of this day as well. Or perhaps he wants to be involved and have it reflect him just as much. I also like the suggestion that you make a list of things and have each of you rank them in order of importance.

I don’t think there should be any sort of argument about what he wears, though. Does he have a say in your dress? Probably not. And as far as the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses and Groomsmen attire, that should be a compromise if he’s interested.

I don’t think a groom not wanting to take a backseat to the planning of his wedding is ‘zilla at all.

Post # 9
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Mine is very involved. The way I see it, it’s his wedding too. We both want to be represented. His family is making fun of him (though theyre very much of the mindset that the bride is most important), but I don’t want to do this alone, nor do I want to shut him out.

As was stated, perhaps he’s been dreaming of this day as well. Or perhaps he wants to be involved and have it reflect him just as much. I also like the suggestion that you make a list of things and have each of you rank them in order of importance.

I don’t think there should be any sort of argument about what he wears, though. Does he have a say in your dress? Probably not. And as far as the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses and Groomsmen attire, that should be a compromise if he’s interested.

I don’t think a groom not wanting to take a backseat to the planning of his wedding is ‘zilla at all.

Post # 10
Member
1101 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t think there is a thing as too much groom input…considering it’s his wedding also. I know we get lost in the wanting what we want for our wedding, but we need to remember it’s OUR wedding and it’s his big day too. I say compromise and don’t shoe him out of any input. Let him have a say. How would you feel if he restricted your say?? Yes, weddings are usually planned by us brides but it doesn’t mean they should be allowed a certain amount of say….atleast not in my eyes.

Post # 11
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

You should be glad your fiance is being overly involved. My husband was very relaxed and carefree, and didn’t really have much of an opinion on anything. Sometimes I wanted to strangle him because he never gave me any input on anything! But yes, just remember that it’s his wedding too, so you both need to meet in the middle. Let him handle certain things that are most important to him, and you handle things that are most important to you. 

Post # 12
Member
2711 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Well since it is his wedding too, I would say that each of you has an equal amount of say in the wedding.  @asscherlover:  has really good advice!

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