Groped at work today :(

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
679 posts
Busy bee

I’m sorry.  It’s normal to freeze and to be in shock about what happened to you. Unfortunately, that’s what the perverts count on. They can’t thrive without silence. I have the same problem. I always freeze and just panic internally. :/ You reported him, though. Your husband shouldn’t be mad at you and should only be supportive. You did absolutely nothing wrong. I feel bad for you and his wife. 

Post # 18
957 posts
Busy bee

I would have slapped him! NOBODY has a right to touch you. 

Post # 20
732 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
thosethreewords :  I’m so sorry that this happened to you. This wasn’t your fault, no one deserves to be treated this way.

Your initial reaction of making excuses is completely normal for people who have been assaulted. It’s something that is not expected or right and is overwhelming, and when our brains try to deal with it it can be easier to make excuses. And I feel the same way just reading your story as you do (both for you and that man’s wife), so your feelings are completely normal too.

Please take care of yourself, and remember that there are hotlines, crisis centers, and counselors who can help you deal with this. It can be overwhelming to try to deal with the feelings on your own, so please reach out if you need it.

You didn’t do anything wrong. This is not your fault. And I’m sorry that you had to go through that.

Post # 21
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I’m sorry this happened to you Bee. I second happyjuju – is there anyone at the Hospital you can speak to? Do the NHS have access to a workplace wellness programme? I’m in the Civil Service and there’s a workplace wellness programme we can contact to speak to someone confidentially. So the NHS may be signed up to the same one as us, as fellow public sector workers.

This happened to me at work once, I was 15 and working in a restaurant and the groper was a colleague. He grabbed my chest, and my bum. I didn’t know what to do and it escalated – he later followed me to the toilets, pushed me against a wall, kissed me and tried to drag me in to a toilet cubicle (luckily I got away, left the restaurant, found a friend who worked nearby and he called my Mum). The colleague in question fled that night, turns out he was employed illeagally and my boss didn’t even know his real name (he used a clearly made up nickname, like ‘table’ type of name). I was persuaded not to go to the police, and always wish I’d been braver and gone ahead and reported him.

You’ve done the right thing, hopefully someone can take action against him, even if just a warning, and he may think twice about doing it again. Is there any chance it could have been picked up by CCTV?

Post # 23
636 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
thosethreewords :  Bee, I am so sorry this happened to you.  Don’t second guess your reaction.  Confronting him could have led to a violent reaction so not reacting immeadiately might have saved you from further harm from this predator. 

I don’t know what the laws are in the U.K., but I would recommend filing a police report.  You were sexually assaulted which is a serious thing.  

Post # 26
16 posts
  • Wedding: October 2018

View original reply
thosethreewords :  

horrible situation. Please don’t be upset with yourself for not calling him out immediately. 

Not only were you assaulted, but you were also simultaneously attending to your patient, and perhaps automatically acting in the best interests of the patient. 

Please be kind to yourself. 

Post # 27
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

Hugs Bee. That sorry son of a biscuit eater.  This is when I wish our Bee community were in the same city. Cause I’m ready to catch a flight to UK to take care of you and make a visit up to the hospital. Yep I’m Nurse whup ur a$$ and my sis says u have problems with ur hands.

Post # 29
2042 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

Well done for reporting it. I wonder if his wife knows what a vile POS she is married to? Ugh.

Not at work of course but when I was travelling on the tube in my commuting days in London a few years back I was in a packed carriage and a guy behind me was getting closer and closer so I moved but he kept moving with me then when the train was coming to a stop he grabbed in between my legs then left the train at that stop. It was so sudden and confusing. I did report it to the British Transport Police but so many people have said since “Why didn’t you turn round and shout at him amd cause a scene to humiliate him?” With hindsight I would but when something so unexpected happens it can take time to process it.

Sorry you had to deal with this in your place of work. I can imagine your husband will be angry but aside from filing a police report if you choose to you’ve done everything to hopefully stop it happening to your colleagues.

Post # 30
571 posts
Busy bee

Aww this super sucks that it happened! I once worked for a boss who kept tapping my ass, even after I repeatedly asked him to stop. It was so annoying. Like how dumb are you that you can’t take no for an answer! He was a lawyer too. Eventually I just quit. As much as it sucks to say something in the moment, like as if you even need to cause people are so damn ignorant, but I find saying something like “please don’t touch me, that’s inappropriate” will usually startle someone who’s trying to do it in secret. If they’re being totally open and an asshole about it I’ll loudly say “don’t touch me!” At this point in my life I usually say something just to make the person doing it feel some amount of shame. Although, do use some amount caution when saying something so as to not endager yourself more. 

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