Post # 1
I have a group of friends that I made when I lived in another city a few years ago. There are three of them (all women) and the four of us were quite close, and often considered a unit among our larger group of friends there. There is one woman that I am closer with than the other two, and have kept in touch with more than the others in the two years since I moved away. I asked her to be a bridesmaid. I am hoping that the other two will not be upset, but I am worried that they will be hurt they weren’t asked as well. I think it’s clear that the two of us were particularly close, but I’m not 100% sure the others will see it that way. I was orginally planning not to ask any of them, but then thought I would regret not asking the one to stand up with me.
Besides wondering if I made a mistake asking the one woman at all, I’m wondering if I should say anything to the other two. I’ve read plenty of women on here that were hurt that they found out secondhand that they weren’t a bridesmaid and wished the bride would have said something to them directly. I’ve also read people say that this would add insult to injury. I was thinking of saying that I really value their friendship but couldn’t include everyone as a bridesmaid, so I asked the one woman that I’ve kept in touch with the best to be a bridesmaid in part as a representative of that group of friends and that important part of my life. Is that condescending/hurtful? Would that make you feel better or worse? Would you want the bride to say something to you?
Separate, but related: I don’t want the one I did ask to feel awkward. Should I ask her advice on how to handle it? Do you think it would make it more or less awkward for her if I spoke to the others?
All in all, these are very mature young women, and I don’t expect any hysterics or snubbing or anything like that. I just want to be as sensitive as possible and make them feel loved.
Post # 2
Please don’t say that, it would just make things awkward. Carry on with your friendship as usual with these two women. Don’t go out of your way to bring up the fact that you didn’t ask them to be bridesmaids, but don’t shy away from any mention of your bridal party either. If they are mature like you said, I doubt it will be a big deal.
Post # 3
Agreed, there’s no need to tell them at all. If they are good friends but not your best friend, they’ll figure it out and either be happy to just be a guest (this is usually my attitude; I don’t have to wear an ugly dress in an unflattering color, yay!) or get over themselves without involving you. That’s what real grownups do.
Of course, I had a friend never forgive me for not making her sister and herself bridesmaids (and we weren’t even that close!), but if they do, you don’t need people like that in your life.
Post # 4
“I’ve read plenty of women on here that were hurt that they found out secondhand that they weren’t a bridesmaid and wished the bride would have said something to them directly.”
Who assumes they are going to be someone’s bridesmaid?! Seriously, can you just decide you are in someone’s bridal party without being asked by the bride then be hurt when you find out that actually, you wrong to assume you automatically got a place?
Anyway, no I don’t think you need to feel bad just chosing the one you’re still close to. Chances are the other women already know you aren’t as close anymore and if not, you’re still under no obligation to have them as BM’s.
I honestly wouldn’t go out of my way to mention it to them though. The whole ‘she’s a representative of the group’ just sounds like youre feeling guilty (which you shouldn’t be) and will make things awkward. I would just not mention it but when the wedding conversations come up, which they will and should do, if they ask about your decision, just be honest and say you weren’t going to have anyone but chose to have one person and you chose the person you have the closer relationship too. If they’re mature as you say, they’ll understand.
Post # 5
Just asking the one, I don’t think you need to contact the other two. If, however, you asked 2 of the 3, then yes – that would require some explanation since its seems like you’re purposely excluding her (that’s what most of the posts you’ve seen have been about – being the only one left out).
Post # 6
I had a group like that they were all in my Bridal Party, we were all in onother one’s Bridal Party, Only one of us were in one’s Bridal Party and one isn’t married yet.
I wasn’t in the 3rd one’s Bridal Party and I didn’t care, She didn’t tell me expicitly, and I’d think it is wierd. I don’t think our other firend cared either. We all went to the wedding adn had a good time.
I don’t know why people get so upset, but they do. Hope your friends will be mature about it.