(Closed) Growing apart???

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

ALL. THE. TIME.

My Fiance Is my first boyfriend, the only person I’ve kissed, dated, been with.  We are COMPLETELY different people, don’t actually have a LOT in common (we used to have much more), but I love him for who he is and I know he feels the same as me.

I go through days worrying “will this really work? we’re so different from 8 years ago…”  I worry that maybe I should have tried dating other people (he asked me if I wanted to about 3 years into the relationship, I said no because I knew I was totally head over heels for him)..I worry that maybe I should have dated someone a little more similar to me.  But I love his crazy ways.

I totally know where you’re coming from.

Post # 4
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think the key is to make sure the lines of communication stay open and that you consistently work to find hobbies and interests that you can do together (and maintain your individual activities). I feel that a lot of times “growing apart” is marriage-speak for “we got in a rut and neither of us feels like putting in the effort to grow back together and spice it up.”

Post # 5
Member
5388 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

No. I think that because we love each other and we are great friends that we will make it (we have been together since we wer 17). My parents have been together since they were sophmores in hs and they are still together. They have not grown apart. I think you FH is right about people having to just work together to make the relationship work. I think the key is communication and keeping the fire burning.

Post # 6
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

If both couples keep working at the relationship I think you can prevent this from happening.

You can definitely grow up and change together!

Fiance and I met when we were 21. We were super young but we grew up together. Yes there have been some hard times (we are now 27) but we have always worked to stay together and make us work. There will be many many more hard times too! The commitment to me is to promise to always put our relationship first and always work on making our relationship the way we want it to be.

I think as long as you and your Fiance have a good line of open communication and you both promise to work at your relationship you will be fine!

The easy thing to do is to give up!

Post # 7
Member
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am a constant worrywart and I can understand where you’re coming from.  I worry about EVERYTHING and ANYTHING!  Even my future relationship with my fiance, which is one of the most rock solid things in my life.

I think it’s inherent to worry about serious things, but it sounds to me like things are great with you two (from the little you wrote, what I really got out of it was that you love your fiance, you’ve been together for a long time with no wavering feelings, and your fiance takes a smart and devoted approach to your relationship).  Try your best not to worry so much about your far future relationship.  It’s good to consider every possible way your life could go, but the far future is so uncertain there is no point in worrying about it now.

My suggestion is to think about what your fiance said and try to grab life by the reins and just go with it!  Try not to worry so much, I know it’s hard, believe me.

ETA – My parents met at 14 and have never dated anyone else, and married at 21.  They’ve been married 36 years.  I don’t think it’s just when you meet or when you get married.

Post # 8
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

Strangely, no. It used to, since we started dating at 14 and have been together ever since. There were certainly times in our relationship where we weren’t very similar. It’s ridiculous, and I can’t explain it, but I know that our core values are the same, and that everything else will continue to fall into place. 

Besides, people grow apart after 30 years of marriage. It can happen to anyone – granted, I think you see it more in young couples because you do change so fast in your late teens/early 20s. But we’ve actually grown much closer in the past few years. 

Post # 9
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Sometimes I get scared. My Fiance is actually 10 years older than I am. We’re best friends, we can laugh together & we can tell each other anything but sometimes I’m scared he’ll “slow down” long before I do (although neither of us like to really “go out” much). He’s my rock and I have no idea what I’d do without him, but its still scary sometimes!

Post # 10
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

(maybe I’m just crazy)

Post # 11
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

Nope, not worried about growing apart. I do worry about growing bored-though I tend to become bored kinda easily. He and I have both talked about how we will take up new interests/hobbies in the future and have a few days a week of “alone” time to keep our independent selves healthy and happy. We’ve spent WAY too much time together the last 8 months (since engagement) planning two weddings. We both know that in a few weeks after the honeymoon, we need to go back to living our “solo” lives too! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 12
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I think no matter the age, you always have to put in an effort into a relationship.

That said, for some people they do change a lot from high school into their early 20s – and for some, they really don’t! My brother married a girl he started dating at 19 and at age 35 they are still great together- they grew together.  My parents started dating in high school, and as they approach their 40th anniversary, I don’t think they have ever been happier.  Me, I needed a lot of me, indpendent time to grow and do my own thing so I wouldn’t have been ready at age 19 to meet my future husband.  The lovely thing about all being different ๐Ÿ™‚

It sounds like you have a great Fiance who is very mature about knowing what a relationship needs to be successful! Some people with they could have met their future husbands earlier/ others later – the lucky thing is, you met him at all!

Post # 13
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I always think about this.  My Fiance and I are 2 vastly different people.  We’ve been together for 7 years now and we’ve always had a different perspective on life.  Bust as the years go by, more things change.  At times its a good thing, other times it can be a source of frustration.  I always wonder how much more will change.  I guess the only way to figure it out is to give it a shot!

Post # 14
Member
525 posts
Busy bee

This is such a refreshing post! Like you said, it’s something that’s very hard to admit or talk about to RL friends because people will immediately assume you are doubting your relationship. I think it’s actually extremely healthy to think about these things and not just ignore potential issues, but as others have said, communication and an acceptance that relationships do take work are key.

Post # 16
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think this is a fear for many people, myself included. I know that we all change over time and it’s only natrual to worry that we might change or grow apart from our partners.

That said, I think the best way to avoid this is by constant communication and nurturing the realtionship, just like anything else in life. Realtionships do take work, so as long as you guys do the work with you will be fine!

My fear sometimes is that SO won’t be willing to do the work. Ugh… lol.

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