Post # 1
Getting Older = Losing Friends???
How depressing! I’m not depressed, though, but lately i’ve been realizing just how many friends have slipped in and out of my life!
I was and am very outgoing, I never had A LOT of friends, but definitely more than a handfull, and 1 long-time best friend..
BFF and I are no-longer friends, we haven’t spoke since March and it’s about 100% irreversable.
my other friends have kids, so there isn’t a “common interest” anymore…it sucks but it’s like a silent thing that seems to happen once you aren’t on the same page of life.
My friends all moved to NYC, Jersey..so basically I have 2 friends close by…one that has a newborn and accusses me of not understanding that she is now a mother (I only practically grew-up with my BFF’s 7 year old daughter and dropped everything and catered to her not having a BB sitter and just would have wine nights and hang-outs at ONLY her place…7 years!)
The other is in a really bad marriage, mental, verbal, physical abuse…she has a young child as well.
I had such awesome friends in my early 20s….it’s just annoying! I have people I still talk to occasionally on FB…we always make semi-plans to hang out but they never pull through..or something comes up…
I just miss having someone close and that I can relate to! I have a full-time job, and getting a part-time job or taking classes isn’t really an option right now..
Husband and I are looking to move to Tampa next year when our lease is up…so I’m hoping I can start fresh!
Post # 3
ALSO, the friends that are wanting to hang out, are like crazy party people who stay out until 4 AM and go bar hopping..which is awesome…but i’m more laid back…AGAIN, common interests not there..
I enjoy the occasional go out to the bar, but what about friends who enjoy hanging out DURING the week???
Post # 4
It’s so difficult, I agree. I found when a lot of my friends started coupling off it felt a lot harder to get together and plan things, etc. Then I got a boyfriend that I ended up moving for and it’s hard keeping in touch across states, but I found out who’s worth it and etc.
Post # 5
Oh man, I understand. My friends were GREAT in high school. Then they never grew up! None of them work, or have plans for the future!
Look, I’m married with a (planned) baby on the way. I don’t want to hang out with you if all you’re going to talk about is how there’s no work available for someone with a BA in English, and how that’s okay because you have more time to watch Korean dramas now!
Post # 6
@BrandNewBride: hahaha….exactly!! We aren’t TTC until next year but that doesn’t mean I won’t care about talking about your baby! But it’s hard when all they do is revolve around being a “little family” and posting baby pics all over facebook…it’s like ok, your life didn’t END, you have to live your life, with your baby…not just through them!
Post # 7
I think you definitely outgrow most friends, except for a very rare few who are worth their weight in gold. With those people, one of you could be an unemployed mother of 4 and the other a single careerwoman, and it wouldn’t get in your way. At all. These friendships are something very, very special!
Most people will phase in and phase out of your life at some point. Depending on how much you have in common at a deeper level, more superficial things like where you are in life, how often and when you like to go out, and what you like to do for fun, become more and more of an issue. I’m not saying “superficial” stuff like it’s a bad thing, I’m just distinguishing these – that is, most – friendships, from that 1% or less who really are something on a whole other level. It’s good to have both, of course. But just don’t be too sad when normal friendships run their course – they were meant to be temporary.
I think you should find a lot of people in their late 20s to early 30s in a similar place to where you are, re: the more superficial stuff. The only thing I think might trip them up is that a lot of people prefer to meet on weekends rather than weekdays because after work and daily errands and chores, they have about half an hour to watch TV with their boyfriend/husband/cat, before they crash into bed to get some sleep for another workday. But, some people definitely like to go out on weekdays too, it’s not THAT rare, especially the more extroverted people. So just put yourself out there. There are always new friends to be made. And you never know when you might find a “golden” one!
Post # 8
@BellaDee: Haha, I said “I’m PREGNANT!” and they replied “Don’t let me hold it! I’ll eat it! I hate kids!”
I’m sure you’re way more normal and way sweeter than my HS friends!
Post # 9
@joya_aspera: Yes! Definitely not looking for friends to go out and party with, although that is always fun! But Just someone I can talk to on the phone about any and everything, and relate to, and just be like ok come over and lets watch movies and gossip!
I have a good 5 friends that are still in party mode…..another 4 who have kids, and the same amount that have moved to the city…which is impossible for me to go to a ton even though i live 45 mins away, because I work full-time
I hope I find that golden friend soon 🙁
Post # 10
@BrandNewBride: OMG! hahaha…wow….very, supportive!
Post # 11
This is a common problem for people as they marry or simply as they get older – we often become friends with people out of circumstance (“We’re stuck in a classroom together, hi”). Those circumstances run their course and we move on. I also had a close friendship that ended in March, though frankly it needed to end long before – I grew up and he didn’t. I understood that I had to work for what I wanted, and he was sitting and stewing that he wasn’t getting free handouts from anyone and everyone (he was enraged that the government wouldn’t pay for him to get a liberal arts degree, and felt it was owed to him).
That entitlement eventually drove us apart. He still tries to contact me, but I have no interest. Our lives have gone in separate directions…and I’m okay with that.
I don’t have many friends, but I’m close with my family, I work and I have hobbies I enjoy. I’ve thought occasionally about looking into hobby groups around here, but many of them are geared toward demographics I’m not included in (religious groups, play groups, etc.).
There is a group for vampires, though, if I ever feel like being creative.
In all seriousness, losing friends can be tough. For me, it’s been a reminder that I’ve always been strong and I need a lot less than I think I do.
Post # 12
We are currently going through this because we used to have a really big circle of friends and we would all go out at least once a week together. Now that has totally dwendled down becasue the rest of our group are having kids. Now we spend most of our time with one other couple and a few single friends.
My husband and I have thought about trying to meet other couples (with no children) and expand our network of friends, but havn’t acted upon trying to meet other people.
I even think back to all of our birthday parties, all our friends would come out, and now, we are lucky to get a few to come out.
Post # 13
I experience this very often. Most of my friends from college and high school, I keep up with via facebook, but we rarely if ever see each other. People change. YOU change. Your priorities change, and because of this you can’t always relate to people the same way. It’s actually ok with me. I’m closer with family now and a few good friends that have never gone away. It just changes. You also start to like that solitude a bit, well, at least DH and I do… hang in there. You are not alone!
Post # 14
@BellaDee: Yeah, similar stuff happened for me when I left college, I thought they’d all be my best friends forever, and now I really only speak with one of them regularly! Oy. I think it happens with everyone. No one wants to grow up or they get so stuck in their grownupness, no balance.
Post # 15
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
I have found there is a lag in friends from your mid-20s until you have kids (then you get parent friends) or get into your 40s (when your friends with kids have teenagers in high school or young adults off at college.)
It’s difficult to meet other couples our age (late 20s, early 30s) who don’t have kids yet. I work with people who are substantially older who aren’t interested in doing anything outside of work and while my FI used to work in an industry with lots of much younger singles, they are way too much unnecessary drama.