(Closed) Growing out of friendships

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Same here Miss Sapphire… I have a friend I’ve known since I was 15 and we’ve had loads of fun! Especially when we were single gals. A few years ago, she got married & had a baby, and moved out of town. I’m newly engaged and I thought that would bring us closer but it hasn’t. I still love her, and really wish things could remain the same, but I know deep down that we’re just really different now. I see her maybe once every few months and when we do hangout there’s nothing really to talk about except the past. We try to keep in touch via FB and all that but gradually, its been less & less. I actually debated on whether I should invite her to my wedding but I know she’d be really offended if I didn’t…I guess that sometimes some friendships just fade away over time.

Post # 4
Member
1313 posts
Bumble bee

Absolutely!! People definitely change over time.

Try not to look at as a “sad” thing, just the ebb and flow of life ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 6
Member
3871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yup, my Maid/Matron of Honor.  We were old friends from elementary school and middle school.  She moved away in high school but a few summers ago we went to a friends wedding and had a blast!  A year or two later, I got engaged and asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. At first, it was great but then I started feeling a rift going on. She even noticed that we didn’t have as much in common anymore and that we definitely have changed over the years.  She asked me if I wanted to consider someone else as the Maid/Matron of Honor.  I considered it but didn’t want to lose her as a friend and have all the awkwardness.  So I kept her as my Maid/Matron of Honor.  If I would have done it again, I would have waited at least 6 months before choosing my  ENTIRE wedding party.  I think I got engaged and thought of my top 8 friends but realized later that I missed some ‘better’ friends.

oh well…

Post # 7
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

Oh, I know this feeling all too well. It’s caused some big problems in my life over the past few years. ๐Ÿ™

Post # 8
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

yep. pretty much all my friends, that i’ve had since preschool/kindergarten. i find myself hanging out with my fi’s friends more and more now. it makes me sad, but there’s nothing i can do about it. it’s life.

Post # 9
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I totally hear you…maybe try to concentrate on the few to one thing that you DO still have in common?  My “best friend” (she had been for over half my life!) & I drifted due to distance & changes in “where we were” in life (she married the year after college, I’m getting married now 9 years later; she & her husband moved to Dartmouth, VT after marrying; Fiance & I live in LA).  But, when we talk on the phone, we just try to catch up on what’s going on in our lives & enjoy the differences, embracing that we’ll always be “someone to talk to” about stuff.  She’s a mother of three, but I still listen to her stories about the kids, even tho’ I can’t relate yet.  She listens to me wax poetic about the wedding, even tho’ she’s not in the wedding party & hasn’t planned a wedding in this decade.  We’re just enjoying our differences, y’know?

Post # 10
Member
761 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

In my junior of college my moh went to study in Spain and through circumstance I became friends with her suitemate (kidna confusing sorry) but we became really close and since it was college we did go to lots of frat parties together and then when we turned 21 we went out to bars alot too. However after graduation I moved to Europe for awhile where I met my fiancee. When I came back to the States I found I was not really in the party scene like her and was ready to get settled. As it would happen we began to drift apart but the awkward thing is that my moh is getting married this summer and me and this girl two of three bridesmaids. I really wanted to just let life run its course and seperate more from this girl but now it looks like that will not happen soon.

Post # 11
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My Maid/Matron of Honor, too!  I was pretty eaten up about it for awhile…I moved back to Kansas City from Chicago and thought we’d be the best of friends again…and…nope.

I also jumped at the chance to name my wedding party and asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor over my sisters (woops!)….The first few months she at least acted excited when I talked to her about it, and then I could never get ahold of her!  A few months ago, when it came time to consider the bachelorette party and bridal shower dropped hints that if I wanted someone else to by my Maid/Matron of Honor she wouldn’t care…I ended up saying that I’d like to have my sisters stand next to me at the wedding, but definitely needed her help with the parties…

Now, I hardly ever hear from her — but find when I do, there just isn’t much to talk about.  My Fiance and I are so much different than her and her SO….It’s so weird, I’ve found a totally new group of friends since moving back here — and she and another HS friend aren’t a part of that group.

Life is funny like that sometimes.

Post # 12
Member
2344 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yep. My two bridesmaids. They are my two best friends and it really hurts sometimes. We are roommates and will be for another three months and sometimes it is awkward and forced and makes me feel really lonely. Frown

Post # 13
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh definitely.  It was sad.  We were best friends for almost 10 years.  When I lived back home we spent a lot of time together and when I moved to another state we talked basically almost every day. 

Actually, I realized (this was two years ago) our friendship had turned into a very one-sided friendship: when I wanted to talk, whether it was about something good or bad, she wasn’t available or didn’t care; when she needed to talk or needed advice then she was trying to contact me and expected me to be there.  I finally dropped our “best friend” status down to acquaintence when I didn’t hear from her after numerous attempts to contact her over many months.  It really hurt.  But I really cut the cord when I finally heard from her and received a very rude comment about my relationship with my now Fiance.  Her comment, she thought we said “I Love You” too soon.  We had been together for a month and we just knew we were the best for each other and definitely the person we were meant to be with.  Hurt me to the core.  My Fiance and I have now been together for a year and a half and want to just laugh about her comment. 

I actually just received a crappy email save-the-date the other day from her for her wedding and she’s getting married in late-April.  It’s an understatement that I will not be attending her wedding.

Post # 14
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Hey…you are in Seattle too! ๐Ÿ™‚

I am in the same boat. I don’t really feel comfortable talking about it in detail because ..I guess its just hard and I don’t really want to say things publicly since I have a friend who is a bride on here. (it’s not her)

But I am in the same boat, I have a very good friend who I am feeling really disconnected with latley.  We were SO close and in the past while she has started down a different path and so many things she does, I disagree with. Some thing she has changed…others are things that I am just really getting bothered with now. my husband said the other week that he wasn’t surprised because we didn’t share any of the same values. It hurt because I knew it was true. I want us to have the same values…but I know we don’t. We are freinds because we care about each other and have a history and enjoy each other’s company…but when it comes down to i,t we are totally different people.  It breaks my heart and I don’t want to admit it. I just want to hope  that she will grow in time and become more of who she used to be….or who I thought she would become. I love my friend but I don’t agree with so much that she does. It makes me so sad and I don’t think there are ever good solutions

 

 

Post # 15
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

One of my bridesmaids and my best friend … I only had 3 bm’s because I wanted to avoid having someone in the wedding that I wouldn’t be friends with in the future. In short, things didn’t go well, and we’ve totally drifted apart. The only thing we have in common is the fact that we’ve been friends for so long- I think that’s the main reason we’re working things out. It makes me so sad because we were the best of friends for so long, but I guess things change. She’s a wonderful girl and I love her so much, but if we’re being totally honest with ourselves, we just don’t have much in common anymore, and it shows. ๐Ÿ™

Post # 16
Member
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Just wanted to chime in and say that I’m in the same boat as well:(

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