Post # 1
So I am at that age, or time in my life where me and ALL of my friends are getting married at the same time. I got engaged in July and immediately started planning. We are getting married next October and I am basically done because I am so plan obsessed. I asked 6 girls to be in my wedding. Three of them are also getting married next year. As I have made my decisions along the way, I have let my bridesmaids know about what I have done — for example – my dress, my colors, centerpieces, alter decor, flower arrangements, favors…etc.
One of my bridesmaids has been wanting a sweetheart, satin, strapless gown since she got engaged last December. NOW all of the sudden ( after seeing what I chose) she wants a lace dress with straps and a deep v in the front and back. She even had the nerve to email all of her bridesmaids to show them her dress that she found and tell them she loved it because it was so unique and different compared to what all of the girls are wearing now… the dress she emailed was a replica of MINE!! Deep V, same lace, satin banded waist, diamond broach on side, mermaid… the list goes on and on. I confronted her about it immediately and she said if it was that big of a deal she would keep looking but said we should both just be happy for eachother for finding our dream dresses. Now I find out that she isnt actually looking for another dress, she is just going to buy it since her wedding is before mine and she doesnt care!! This same bridesmaid went from wanting purple and white and silver as her colors to purple and red when I told her I was having purple and red. So I changed my colors so I wouldnt have to argue with her AGAIN.
Another one of my bridesmaids has been planning her wedding at the rate of dripping molasses. After telling her my colors were pumpkin and charcoal.. she went from wanting a coral and yellow wedding to a yellow and dark grey wedding…. She too is of course getting married before me and doesnt give a hoot.
I know, I know… I am probably being a little crazy. It’s not that big of a deal. But we are in eachothers weddings… We have a ton of the same people coming to the wedding!!!! Be unique and plan your day how you imagined it.. NOT how your friends are!! So now I have started sharing my plans with my Fiance instead — not nearly as much fun but at least I have someone to gossip to that wont try to ruin my unique plans.
THIS is exactly why I dont tell anyone my baby names — people pretend like they heard it somewhere else or act like they forgot you told them you liked it.
Post # 3
Does misery like company?
I told all my ideas to a good friend of mine. And then she copied them–to the letter–BUT (and here’s the real insult) not for her wedding, for the morning-after brunch (to which EVERYONE was invited to)! So it wasn’t enough that she got to have her one night in the spotlight, she had to take my ideas for her morning-after spotlight!
The cold, hard truth is that you can’t copyright wedding ideas. I suggest that you try and keep mum about as much as you can with your bridesmaids. The silver lining is that even if your colors are similar, you will undoubtedly express them in completely different ways, just as the same dress will still look different on two different women, especially with your accessories.
In fact, my suggestion is that you find some accessory that makes your ensemble ‘pop’–a cool necklace, kickass shoes, a feather in your hair–whatever, because in all honesty, no one will remember your dress beyond the fact it was white and had x silhouette–but they will remember that personal little detail.
Post # 4
If there are any other ideas you have that you love, maybe keep them under your hat until they have made up their minds about their wedding plans?
Have you heard the saying that imitation is the highest form of flattery? Though I know it doesn’t make it any less annoying when it happens.
Post # 5
So sorry to hear what is happening to you. These are suppose to be your friends… My suggestion is to talk to the bee’s about your plans at least if they “borrow” ideas you will never know…
Post # 6
I’d suggest not telling your BMs all your ideas if you don’t want them to replicate those ideas. Double for the dress. They can’t “steal” what they don’t know about.
Post # 7
OMG!!! I would KILL her! it is a HUGE deal!!! We put so much time and effort into our weddings and try to make it personal and fall in love with out vision, for someone to steal them is soooooooo WRONG! I suggest not telling them anything until they have paid money on their own ideas! at least this way they will be less inclined to take your ideas and have to pay for everything over again! wait until they are financially invested in their own ideas! OR you could be really cross and announce it to all of your girls and joke about how no one should steal THIS new idea, but that would be pretty passive aggressive and people would start thinking you’re a bridezilla lol.
Post # 8
I had the same problem, though not with a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I completely changed the theme of my wedding, and haven’t spoken to her since. It’s seemed to work well. If someone asks, just say you want your wedding to be a total surprise. Once they get their dresses, they’ll clearly have an inkling as to your color scheme, but at this point their details are probably getting more concrete and they won’t be able to change them. I hate the “my wedding is before yours” trump card…but unfortunately you really don’t have any intellectual property on your wedding theme :(.
And remember–imitation is the sincerest form of flattery (though it’s still super infuriating that people take your ideas!)!
Post # 9
I had a problem where I had to stop sharing my details with my Future Cousin in Law. She is marrying my cousin and stole my date, colors, flowers, and I stopped before she could steal anything else!
Post # 10
@JennyW1: I like the accessory idea! And day after brunch is very insulting! People are so ridiculous.. whatever happened to being creative and unique?
@amysunshine: I guess that is a good way to think of it… i just wish they would imitate me after I have already done it!
I guess this is now my advice to all of my friends who get engaged– dont tell anyone your plans!!
Post # 11
@klb2748:Maybe it is better to keep some details about your special day to yourself or between you and FH sometimes.
I completely understand not telling anyone your baby name. My son was 4 years old when my friend had here son. She named him the same name as my son! I was like WTF….seriously, who does that!
So now I, too keep all of my wedding plans between myself and FH.
Post # 12
I think it’s rude to steal another person’s ideas. At least have the decency to not copied the entire thing. Sure you like lace on the dress, find another dress with lace. If they like your colors they should only pick one color to copy not the entire thing. The only highlight would be that even though she may have stolen your dress, there’s no garentee that it’ll look faboulous on her. I had a friend who got married 5 months before me and when looking for dresses I wouldn’t even try on her dress since I know she’s getting it. Thankfully she gave me the same curtesey and didn’t try on my dress when she was still unsure about hers. i would stop telling them your ideas.
Post # 13
Only share your idea’s with someone who you know doesn’t have the same style as you. A good friend of mine is getting married a few weeks before me and we share details, but we are two comepletly different people. I could say I was having my wedding in a bamboo forest and my bridal party will be dressed in ninja gear. She would smile, say it’s cool, and go about her planning. Never in a million years will I get an email from her saying “Oh hey MIss Tattoo!! We found this great bamboo forest and a discount on ninja suits! We are going to have a bamboo forest ninja wedding just like you!”
You have a year to go. If I were you I wouldn’t share every single detail of your wedding with anyone. There are some things you should keep to yourself so people are surprised.