(Closed) Grrrr….Grouchy FI

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

That would probably bug me too. If doesn’t take any energy to cuddle on the couch while watching TV, if he’s doing it anyway. Are you sure there’s nothing else bothering him? Pre-wedding nerves or something?

Post # 4
526 posts
Busy bee

Sounds like my Fiance. And I can’t stand him right now.

Post # 5
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Fiance gets a bit grouchy when he’s tired and on top of that he works 60 hours a week, with barely a Saturday off.  When I get a little miffed and let him know so, it can escalate, believe me.

Luckily, Fiance and I have been taking steps to get to bed earlier so we’re both well rested, and he’s taking steps to try and be more patient.

It sucks, but is he aware he’s making you feel this way?  If he’s aware of it then maybe he’ll cut you some slack and not be so b*tchy.

Post # 6
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

I can see why he’s grouchy – that’s a 14-hour work day! I bet the poor guy’s shattered! I’d be more than grouchy if I had all that on.

Maybe just point out to him that you’re on his side, and not to take his work stress out on you, but cut him a bit of slack. Maybe put aside a weekend for the two of you to have some ‘you time’ at the end of the project, to just totally recharge.

Post # 7
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL


Wait for the project to be over but then you definitely need to address it.  But before it’s over I would leave him a sweet note requesting a date once a week to make sure you get to spend quality time together to make up for the late working nights.  I would also make life easier for myself though by making less complicated dinners.

Post # 8
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My DH is studying for law school finals this week so I completely understand what you mean.  He is so pissy when he is stressed out to this level.  With mine I know it’s coming and it’s only two times a year for about two weeks and then a day here and there when he has a big assignment due.  I’ve learned to just give him as much space as possible when he’s like that.  Last night we kind of got into it a little just because I was starving and he had said 30 minutes prior he wanted to eat out and he was taking FOREVER.  I was pissed because he said not to order food we would just go out.  I was all “My food would BE here by now!”  After that settled down though we went out and had a really nice dinner together, so he still fits me in during his breaks.  How long is this work project?  Maybe he needs a vacation/personal day.  Maybe try talking to him about it once he’s not so stressed and set some boundaries.  My thing is if he talks to me for ten minutes when i get home I don’t feel like he’s ignoring me, but if he doesn’t make time for that I get super annoyed.  Just remember that this situation is temporary and he will be himself again soon. 

Post # 9
1292 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

@littleacorn: Everyone deals with stress differently, so it’s tough. I would say that there is no excuse for being rude and mean to your partner though. It can be hard not to bring work stress home, but you have to remember what all those hours *at the plant* are for – your family! It is hard not to take things out on the ones you love, but I think it is an important *skill* to master.   

Post # 10
4413 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think the best approach would be to wait until after this project wraps up, and then have a good long talk about how he can handle his stress better without making YOU the enemy. I think it’s really common for people to do that, especially if they’re not really aware that they’re doing it, but if you talk to him about it now while he’s still all wound up … well, it might not go so hot. I don’t think this is cause to worry about marrying him, though — we all get a little bitchy when we’re stressed out! I’m sure once you talk it through, he will be able to at least try to behave better when things like this come up again.

Post # 11
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

It sounds like he internally deals with his stress, and doesn’t know how to incorporate someone else and their needs into that part of his psyche.

I’m the same way.  Sometimes I don’t want to snuggle, or hang out, or have my day ‘fixed’ by Fiance.  We actually discussed it though, and I explained myself to him.  It’s not HIM I’m upset with, but he may unintentionally get backlash if he hovers like he tends to.  Through much trial and error, I can now feel that rare mood coming on, warn him in advance, and he lets me keep to myself until I’m over it.  It’s what works for us.

I’d definitely wait until this project is over and he’s a little more stable before trying to have a talk about it.  If you tried now, the results likely wouldn’t be great.

Post # 12
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’ve totally been there.  I would suggest always staying as objective and rational as possible.  Next time he snaps, just say very very calmly “I appreciate you’re really busy and stressed right now, but please don’t take it out on me.  We’re on the same team.”  (Or something you know is more soothing to him personally.)  The next time he flips (which might be then) just walk away to the next room.  The more space you can give him, the better.

ETA: I agree with PPs that when he’s stressed isn’t the time to talk about it, this is just designed to put the snippy away the best you can.


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