Post # 1
I was speaking with a friend of mine who is generally fairly liberated, however, she seemed surprised I was reminding Fiance he was delayed on sending out “his” thank yous.
See I’m busy planning a wedding with limited help from my Fiance, but the one thing I thought he ought to do and have been insisting upon, is help write thank yous for his friends/family while I write them for my friends/family. He knows them best, they want to hear from him not me, he’s also receiving the pleasure of the gift so to me, that means to me that he ought to write his half.
Apparently my friend has always received thank yous from the bride, even when she knew the groom. (Granted, she has a very traditional circle of Jewish friends where the wife ends up staying home to take care of the kids, but still!) I have received them from whomever I knew best. It just irks me there is still an expectation the bride will write all of them. I finally threw up my hands and wrote one for him that was really delayed (to an usher no less!), but it’s a slippery slope.
Thank you count:
Engagement gifts – me, all of them including to his mom, dad, brother, friends (~8)
Shower gifts – me, all of them of course (12)
Wedding gifts – me, all of mine (~8?) plus one of his. 6 of his outstanding.
FI’s tally? Zero.
ETA: He has neat handwriting. He works in publishing as an executive editor of a journal and is *fully* capable of writing a thank you.
Post # 3
I definately think he should be helping out with thank you notes! Here’s a pen honey!
Post # 4
I pretty much wrote all of them since my husband has the handwriting of a drunk 5 year old, bless his heart. I did have him write them to his grandparents that funded the rehearsal dinner and to his coworkers that I hadn’t met before. It sucked, but I figured I’d pick my battles!
Post # 5
Idk I wrote all of mine… I just see it as something that’s easy for me to do and hard for him to do. I’m also not one to cause an argument. Writing the thank you cards wasn’t worth an argument to me so I just did them all. I DID make Darling Husband do his parents and groomsmen’s thank you notes though because I thought those should come from him. It took him like 3 months and I was embarrassed because mine went out two weeks after the wedding.
Not that I think this should always be a woman’s responsibility, but I’ve never received a thank you written from the groom. Normally the wives write 100% of birthday cards, thank yous and Christmas cards that I receive. I’m not even sure what my grandpas’ handwriting even looks like.
Post # 6
I wrote 95% of all of our thank you cards. I only asked my Darling Husband to write the cards for his groomsmen and parents and it was like pulling teeth!!!
Post # 7
I agree with you. I expect fi to be my partner is doing all this wedding stuff he doesn’t get a pass because he is a guy. It would also be annoying to even have to nagg him to get it done.
Post # 8
The bride writing all the thank you notes is the traditional etiquette from long ago. When I was writing mine I did some research and the Emily Post website talked about the bride writing them and the Martha Stewart website said that modern day etiquette is leaning toward the groom doing his side ad the bride doing hers. In the end I did all of mine because I’m the writer in the family, but for the people I didn’t know I wrote “we.” For some of his family I wrote it from me thanking them specifically for things like, welcoming me into the family or helping with this or that. The only two I made him do he sat for at least half Hour deciding what to write and then said, so what am I supposed to write here?
Post # 9
I’ll be honest. I wrote all of mine. My husband (then FI) started to write the first one and made a silly spelling error in the middle. He was so afraid that I’d be upset he’d messed it up. I pretty much took over from there out, haha.
Post # 10
@misspeanut: Sadly, this IS one of the battles I’ve picked. He has not done a whole lot of wedding planning.
Post # 11
It’s a battle, definitely. I can’t speak for all men, but I think for my husband, thank you notes don’t really register as an important show of etiquette in his man brain.
I’ve received thank yous in the past from either the bride alone or the bride and groom writing two separate messages (much more rare). Originally I thought, “Ok we’ll both write thank yous.” Then it turned into “Ok, I’ll write thank yous to my friends and family, he’ll write to his.” Thank yous take a lot of time to do, and I’ve been doing them in small batches. I’ve finally finished my share and all are sent out. My husband has yet to write a single one.
I even tried giving him my parents card yesterday and told him to write something. He didn’t. I sent him to work with the card and envelope today and told him he has to sign it and send it out before he comes home. I’m getting embarrassed that we haven’t sent a single note to any of his friends or family yet. As a result, I’ve given up on waiting for him to write them because we’re approaching two months since we got married. I’m going to do as many of his today as possible.
Post # 12
@PinkMagnolia: Why is it hard for him to do? I guess I see it as equally hard/easy to write thank you notes (and if not, a very necessary skill to learn). I would argue it’s far harder for me to write a thank to someone I’ve met once than it is for him to write it when he knows the person well.
Post # 13
I will most likely end up writing them all because I want to get them done and over with. Hopefully I can get him to write at least a few of his (parents, best man) but really, he will try to put it off. I also want to get ours done and out before we leave for our honeymoon 2 weeks after the wedding!
Post # 14
@reginaphalange: This is my fear for how it’ll work out. You’re right, he doesn’t think they are important and he also thinks he has a year to send the thank you.
My speediest thank yous (written within a day or two – of the wedding even) came from the grooms I have to say!
Post # 15
- Wedding: June 2012 - Franklin Plaza
Is there any way to compromise? I wrote all the thank you cards while he stuffed, stamped and addressed them for me. Hahaha teamwork baby!
Post # 16
@kay01 I think it’s a skill that women are just better at? At least in my DH’s case he has horrendous handwriting, misspellings, he’s super slow etc. Whereas I can pump out lovely, heartfelt cards in like 30 seconds.
I haven’t met too many guys who can write a better thank you note than their wives/girlfriends.