Post # 1
I’m just venting ladies. I am SO sick of coming home when Fiance has a day off and he has done NOTHING but play video games. I mean, is it too much to empty the dish rack or put away towels or pick up his socks!? It’s my fault. I let it go so long and just clean up after him and then it just builds and builds and builds until last night happens. I went ape shit on him about a dirty glass in his computer room. Not just any dirty glass. A dirty glass that had leftover coffee from 3 weeks ago hiding behind a stack of papers! O_O So I told him that I hated his mom for being a Stay-At-Home Mom and taking care of his ass until he found his first sucker of a girlfriend to pick up where she left off. I told him that I get so jealous from other women’s DH/FI/SO who clean the house for them or cook dinner. I told him I want to go on strike at times and clean up my own mess (and of course my daughters) cook my own meals, do my own laundry, ect.
So of course he gets defensive because I’m attacking him and he says, “You act like I don’t do anything all day!” O_O Excuse me mutha effer!? You have been playing Borderlands and COD ALL.DAMN.DAY. How do I know? I can see his Xbox post his rewards on Facebook ALL.DAMN.DAY.
UGH! But shit won’t change. I love him, I do, but he’s not going to change. He’s going to leave the pile of his clean clothes on the floor and use them until they need washed. He’ll drink out of the same glass for a week if he has too. He’ll continue to leave his EFFING hair all over the sink after he shaves.
I just want to kick him at times! Thanks!
Post # 3
Have you ASKED him to do any of the things you wish to have done? Let’s face it, he’s obviously not a mind reader.
Post # 4
Poor you. I can sympathize a bit with your SO – quite often when I have a day off I like to do absolutely nothing, even if there are chores and other things I really should be doing. And I know it drives my SO crazy sometimes, but I do like my space and my time A LOT, you know? It’s important to me.
With that said, it sounds like he might be crossing the line a bit from lazy to unhygienic – not cool. You might try giving him a task or two to do on his day off. A big to do list is a bit much, but if you just ask him to do a load of laundry and a load of dishes, that’s pretty manageable, right? This strategy has been known to work on – ahem – certain lazy-ass people I know intimately.
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
And I want to kick him for you, too! 😉
No, really. If I have a day off, I try to get shit done. When Mr. S has a day off… well, he still gets shit done (if I ask him to). Just a lot less than I would have (or than I asked). 😉 What, like I don’t need to unwind, too?
That said, I know you love your Fiance, and I love my husband. We can only do our best to train them. HA!
Post # 6
@Miss Tattoo: Ugh I know the feeling! I have to LOL at your post because I love the way you write! It’s like you took the words right out of my mouth. The glass was your breaking point!
Edit: I’m going to toss my FI’s Playstation down the hill, you with me? haha!
Post # 7
That’s so stressful! I really have to ask my husband to do things around the house for them to get done. Thankfully, he doesn’t sit home all day while I work and play video games though!
Post # 8
I completely get where you are coming from. My husband doesn’t play video games, but does watch a fair number of shows and movies. He leaves work earlier than I do so he usually has the time to go to the gym and still get home before I do. Um, I’D LIKE THE TIME TO DO THAT TOO…but I typically can’t because he doesn’t cook, so I’m the one always cooking and don’t want to eat at 8 o’clock. He will help out with cleaning, more so on the weekends when we do it together. But, it’s usually a “look at what I helped with” kind of thing. What??? Do you want a gold star for pitching in?!!! Ugh….I hear ya on this.
Post # 9
@BanditGirl: Girl, don’t get me started. I asked him to fold laundry one day and I could have sworn he looked at me like I just grew a head or two. He has this idea in his head of “man jobs” and “woman jobs” He grew up in a very traditional role family. His mom was a Stay-At-Home Mom and dad worked two jobs so she could stay home with the children. She made a huge breakfast every morning for them, packed all of their lunches, sent them off with a wave and a kiss by the door, did laundry all day, cleaned all of their rooms well into his senior year in high school, ect. Like he had no chores growing up except for mowing the lawn and taking out the garbage (which he does now) He doesn’t do dishes. Even when I was sick for a week, he didn’t do a single dish. He actually went out and bought new glasses! O_O He’s set in his ways and I have accepted that he’s like this, but damnit! I get so frustrated sometimes.
It’s like I have to tell him exactly what to do. If I ask him to go to the grocery store for something, he will get it done…but that’s it. And he will feel so accomplished like it took him HOURS to go to the grocery store and he didn’t have time for anything else. So when I ask him to do multiple things, he tells me, “I don’t DO honey-do lists.” One day I’m just going to take my earrings out and fight him over some unfolded laundry.
Post # 10
Hehe. I’ve had those days. 😀
ETA, My man is an only child, and fed from a silver spoon his whole life. No joke, I’ve seen the spoon!
Post # 11
Ohh man I hear ya!! Sometimes I feel my rage slowly building as I clean and vaccuum around him as he sits on the couch, watching sports and continuing to create more of a mess (dirty glasses, plates, magazines, books, etc). I need to give myself time outs til I can calm down, lol.
Haha I love that he bought new glasses instead of washing the ones you had!! My Darling Husband would wash exactly one glass…and then use that same one over and over.
Post # 12
Whoa – I just read this from you: So I told him that I hated his mom for being a Stay-At-Home Mom and taking care of his ass
Don’t hate his mom for being a Stay-At-Home Mom and taking care of his ass. That’s what mothers do — take care of their kids. Hate her for not teaching him how to do things for himself.
I work out of my home and have always been with my kids and have taken care of them. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t teach them how to pick up their clothes, take their dishes to the sink, unload the dryer, put garbage in the garbage can, etc. Right now, my DS almost 2 yo knows that he can’t leave his socks in the middle of the living room and that they go in his clothes hamper. My Dirty Delete 10 knows how to unload the dishwasher, my 6 yo DS knows how to set and clear the table.
I suggest that, if you hate taking care of him, you start to teach him to take care of things for himself.
Post # 13
OK – just read your response back to me.
I think you need to sit down with him and say “OK – you don’t do ‘honey-do’ lists. However, I have my own weight to pull and can’t pull yours as well. Therefore, if you want clean laundry and clean dishes, you’ll have to do them!” Then only do your laundry, your dishes, etc. and leave his stuff sitting around. I bet he’ll change his tune!
Also, you might want to cook dinner for one every random night and say “Oh, I have so much of my own stuff to do around here that I don’t have time to cook for you!”
Post # 14
@BanditGirl:i totally agree.
he’s a grown man, not a child–he can help take care of the house. you’re not his mommy, you’re his fiance.
i think you need to tell him, very bluntly, that you need help with the house–you can’t do it all by yourself. tell him what you want him to do, come up with a plan that works for both of you, and hold him accountable for it.
the longer you let this go and let it bother you, the harder it will be to fix it. and something like this WILL have a negative effect on your relationship.
Post # 15
He’s so damn lazy because he was raised to think that it’s normal.
BanditGirl honestly has some great advice for you.
Also, there is some information on “training” your husband through positive reinforcement available that I’ve seen in a book, I believe it was. It may sound a little nasty “training” someone, but I think humans all train each other through their various relationships.
I once had a boyfriend who was the same damn way. I physically can not care for two people due to chronic illness and living with this guy was killing me. Needless to say, we aren’t together anymore. He just didn’t care, which also showed in other ways. I’m guessing it is not the case for your SO and a reasonable sit down discussion would be the way to go. Emotional responses are just going to turn him off. He honestly probably doesn’t understand what the hell you are talking about with this whole sharing of chores business. He has to learn a new way of viewing women and gender roles and other deeply ingrained values.