(Closed) >_< WHY IS HE SO EFFING LAZY!?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Have you ASKED him to do any of the things you wish to have done?  Let’s face it, he’s obviously not a mind reader. 

Post # 4
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Poor you. I can sympathize a bit with your SO – quite often when I have a day off I like to do absolutely nothing, even if there are chores and other things I really should be doing. And I know it drives my SO crazy sometimes, but I do like my space and my time A LOT, you know? It’s important to me.

With that said, it sounds like he might be crossing the line a bit from lazy to unhygienic – not cool. You might try giving him a task or two to do on his day off. A big to do list is a bit much, but if you just ask him to do a load of laundry and a load of dishes, that’s pretty manageable, right? This strategy has been known to work on – ahem – certain lazy-ass people I know intimately. 

Post # 5
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

And I want to kick him for you, too! 😉

No, really. If I have a day off, I try to get shit done. When Mr. S has a day off… well, he still gets shit done (if I ask him to). Just a lot less than I would have (or than I asked). 😉 What, like I don’t need to unwind, too?

That said, I know you love your Fiance, and I love my husband. We can only do our best to train them. HA!

Post # 6
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Miss Tattoo: Ugh I know the feeling! I have to LOL at your post because I love the way you write! It’s like you took the words right out of my mouth. The glass was your breaking point! 

Edit: I’m going to toss my FI’s Playstation down the hill, you with me? haha!

Post # 7
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

That’s so stressful!  I really have to ask my husband to do things around the house for them to get done.  Thankfully, he doesn’t sit home all day while I work and play video games though!

Post # 8
Member
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I completely get where you are coming from.  My husband doesn’t play video games, but does watch a fair number of shows and movies.  He leaves work earlier than I do so he usually has the time to go to the gym and still get home before I do.  Um, I’D LIKE THE TIME TO DO THAT TOO…but I typically can’t because he doesn’t cook, so I’m the one always cooking and don’t want to eat at 8 o’clock.  He will help out with cleaning, more so on the weekends when we do it together.  But, it’s usually a “look at what I helped with” kind of thing.  What???  Do you want a gold star for pitching in?!!!  Ugh….I hear ya on this.

Post # 10
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

Hehe. I’ve had those days. 😀

ETA, My man is an only child, and fed from a silver spoon his whole life. No joke, I’ve seen the spoon!

Post # 11
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Ohh man I hear ya!! Sometimes I feel my rage slowly building as I clean and vaccuum around him as he sits on the couch, watching sports and continuing to create more of a mess (dirty glasses, plates, magazines, books, etc). I need to give myself time outs til I can calm down, lol. 

Haha I love that he bought new glasses instead of washing the ones you had!! My Darling Husband would wash exactly one glass…and then use that same one over and over. 

Post # 12
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Whoa – I just read this from you:  So I told him that I hated his mom for being a Stay-At-Home Mom and taking care of his ass

Don’t hate his mom for being a Stay-At-Home Mom and taking care of his ass.  That’s what mothers do — take care of their kids.  Hate her for not teaching him how to do things for himself. 

I work out of my home and have always been with my kids and have taken care of them.  But that doesn’t mean I didn’t teach them how to pick up their clothes, take their dishes to the sink, unload the dryer, put garbage in the garbage can, etc.  Right now, my DS almost 2 yo knows that he can’t leave his socks in the middle of the living room and that they go in his clothes hamper.  My Dirty Delete 10 knows how to unload the dishwasher, my 6 yo DS knows how to set and clear the table. 

I suggest that, if you hate taking care of him, you start to teach him to take care of things for himself. 

 

Post # 13
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

OK – just read your response back to me. 

I think you need to sit down with him and say “OK – you don’t do ‘honey-do’ lists.   However, I have my own weight to pull and can’t pull yours as well.  Therefore, if you want clean laundry and clean dishes, you’ll have to do them!”  Then only do your laundry, your dishes, etc. and leave his stuff sitting around.  I bet he’ll change his tune! 

Also, you might want to cook dinner for one every random night and say “Oh, I have so much of my own stuff to do around here that I don’t have time to cook for you!” 

 

Post # 14
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@BanditGirl:i totally agree.

he’s a grown man, not a child–he can help take care of the house. you’re not his mommy, you’re his fiance.

i think you need to tell him, very bluntly, that you need help with the house–you can’t do it all by yourself. tell him what you want him to do, come up with a plan that works for both of you, and hold him accountable for it.

the longer you let this go and let it bother you, the harder it will be to fix it. and something like this WILL have a negative effect on your relationship.

Post # 15
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

He’s so damn lazy because he was raised to think that it’s normal.

BanditGirl honestly has some great advice for you.

Also, there is some information on “training” your husband through positive reinforcement available that I’ve seen in a book, I believe it was. It may sound a little nasty “training” someone, but I think humans all train each other through their various relationships.

I once had a boyfriend who was the same damn way. I physically can not care for two people due to chronic illness and living with this guy was killing me. Needless to say, we aren’t together anymore. He just didn’t care, which also showed in other ways. I’m guessing it is not the case for your SO and a reasonable sit down discussion would be the way to go. Emotional responses are just going to turn him off. He honestly probably doesn’t understand what the hell you are talking about with this whole sharing of chores business. He has to learn a new way of viewing women and gender roles and other deeply ingrained values.

Good luck

Post # 16
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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