Post # 1
For parents out there:
Assuming you’ve decided on guardianship for your kids, would you make that info public knowledge?
I was thinking about this, because my brother approached Darling Husband and I about doing this, as did a couple different friends of ours.
Darling Husband and I don’t want kids of our own, but would love to do this for our friends/family, in the event of a crisis.
However, I feel like I need to keep this info a secret (that I’m an appointed guardian). It’s not like it comes up in everyday conversation, but I don’t feel like it’s my place to talk about it either.
I have told my brother and the two friends about each other. I figure they need to know that we are ‘back-up’s’ for other people, as that may influence their decisions.
Am I over-thinking this? Meaning – do I really need to be so tight-lipped about it? For instance, in my brother’s case, I don’t think he’s told anyone in my family. I’ve been on the verge of talking about it with my mother, but stopped – not feeling it was my place to share.
Thoughts from those that appointed guardians or are the appointee’s? For parents: is this info you would rather reveal as needed? Meaning, there’s no need for people to know who you chose, until it was necessary to do so?
Post # 3
We didn’t send out announcements or call all our friends/family, but when it comes up in conversation (which is rare) we are pretty direct about it, unless we are particularly uncomfortable divulging that information to that particular individual.
If you don’t feel like it it your place to share, don’t. I think you’re right in assuming that, unless your brother has given you explicit ‘freedom’ to discuss it with family members.
I know my mom got super PISSED when she found out we weren’t going to make her legal gaurdian in the event of death on both parties for our son (our reasoning is that she is 50, still has a huge mortgage, car payments and no savings for a retirement–last thing she needs is to possibly take care of a kid who is only 4 atm) we didn’t want to discuss it with her specifically because we were fairly certain she would be slighted (she’s not particularly reasonable in that way–not saying your mom is though).
Post # 4
I think it’s generally not overly discussed, but I’m not sure why. Probably to avoid hurt feelings (“why’d they pick them, not us?”)
I remember when I was in middle school and it came up that if something happened to my parents, my brother and I would go to live with our Aunt and Uncle. I don’t remember how it came up, but I do remember being glad they’d picked the Aunt and Uncle they did, hahahaha…
ETA: Maybe you could ask your brother and your friends – “Is this common knowledge? Do you mind if I mention it to [mom,etc.]?”
Post # 5
I think this info is best communicated by the parents, first. Some family members might be really sensitive to the fact that they were not “picked,” and only the parents can really handle that type of situation.
We told everyone when we picked my SIL to be Addie’s guardian. She’s also Addie’s godmother and the most stable of all of our siblings, so it just makes sense. But we didn’t want anyone to get hurt feelings later on, so we just told everyone during the baptism that SIL is also Addie’s legal guardian.
Post # 6
I’m the legal guardian for two sets of nieces/nephews. We are all pretty open about it in our family… our parents know, and my husband and I have agreed to keep the entire family involved in the children’s life, should something happen.
For example, my husband’s brother & wife asked us to be the guardians. My husband has another brother, and my husband’s brother’s wife has a sister. But they chose us to be the guardians should something happen. It makes the most logical sense- we are the most equipped to handle kids, and the most sane (lol!). We certainly don’t’ go around shouting it frm the roof tops, but it comes up in coversation. We have also agreed to keep our SIL’s family involved should something happen.
I would approach your brother and let HIM have the conversation with your mother. The reason is that SHOULD something happen, you don’t want her to put up a fight in court or something ridiculous, after the fact. In the horrible case that something happens, the children will need the rest of the family to be unified, so it might be worth it to have these conversations now, and your brother can let everyone know what he wants. It’s a morbid discussion, but it’s good to be prepared.
Post # 7
I think that once we have children we will appoint one of our siblings as guardian for them. I don’t think I’ll make it public knowledge. Our parents will probably know but we won’t broadcast it to anyone else.
Post # 8
I am the legal guardian for my autistic/mentally handicapped brother. I don’t really talk about it though unless the subject gets brought up. I don’t really have anyone to offend with the information either. Both of my other siblings are too young still that if something did happen, they wouldn’t be ready or old enough to handle the challenge anyway. It was something I had brought up right away when dating my guy though. I thought he had the right to know that if we ever got married, that one day we might have someone else to care for.
Post # 9
I think you are right to not bring it up. We have not told my family that we chose MIL/FIL. It is so unlikely that this will be needed, so I don’t see any reason to hurt their feelings. We do need to get things better documented with a lawyer, though, as right now we just have something informal with all our wishes, that we signed…parent fail!