Post # 1
Hi everyone! Anyone have any ideas with this?
I’m a bridesmaid in a wedding for one of my friends from graduate school. One of our mutual friends is planning on attending, but is in complete freak out mode because of her food allergies. She’s very allergic to strawberries. And by very allergic, if someone sitting next to her has a strawberry she starts to break out. When we go out normally it’s not a big deal, folks just don’t order things with strawberries (mostly because she freaks out then, but that’s another story). Anytime anyone has a house party, they keep it off the menu.
But the bride loves strawberries. As does her family. She’s told me that she’s planning on having a choc fountain with strawberries, and her cake will have strawberry filling. This has sent our friend into full panic mode. She’s saying she can’t come, how could the bride do this without checking with her? How the bride is being selfish etc etc. She’s insisting that she can’t be in the same room as strawberries, and the bride is being selfish when she knows she has a allergy. She hasn’t said anything to the bride yet, but is planning to this weekend. (sigh) Any advice on a good compromise? The brides mom thinks they should just cut out the fruit all together. The Mr. says that if it’s a big deal for this chick, she can just not come or just avoid guests with strawberries. Which I can’t see going over well. I’m stuck as the mediator in this once, so help? Any suggestions for the bride? How much should one guest dictate what’s served at a wedding?
Post # 3
I absolutely think the bride should not serve strawberries. My sisters and mom all have extremely severe allergies to various items, including food. Although it is the bride’s day, you have to have some accomodation to your guests. Especially if they are important enough to invite to your wedding! Allergies KILL PEOPLE. I think the issue is that a lot of people don’t realize how serious allergies can be.
My sister recently went to a wedding for a friend whose fiance wanted to have almond cake and they specifically didn’t have it so my sister didn’t have to worry (she would have gone anyway but she would have been stressed I think). Does the bride think strawberries really more important than her friend’s attendance (or health?!)?
Post # 4
PS – I know someone who attended a wedding recently where a guest was severely allergic to tomatoes. They still served them and a relative ate them and then gave him a kiss. His mouth swelled up and he had to go to the hospital during the reception!
Post # 5
I really think that the bride should realize that her friend is going to probably get sick and maybe have to go to the hospital because of people eating strawberries around her. For serious allergies like that, I think that they should be considered in planning the menu. I think it puts a lot of pressure on this guest to have to watch everyone who is eating strawberries and run away from them.
Post # 6
Typically I would say “you cant please everyone” but this BMs allergy sounds likt it is pretty severe, If I were the bride, Id cut out teh strawberries altogether UNLESS she REALLY has to have strawberry filling in the cake…in that case, the cake should be tiered. so only one has the filling. Is the bride RALLY gonna miss strawberries for the chocolate fountain?
Post # 7
The husband of one of my BM’s is deathly allergic to tree nuts, dairy and shell fish.
Since I really don’t want to kill anyone on my wedding day I’m making sure that there is something SAFE for him to eat/drink; it will take a little extra leg work to guarantee there is no cross contamination but everyone seems to do the same to accommodate vegan/vegetarian/diabetic guests.
Is the bride considering her allergic friend? Or is she caught up in ‘planplanplan!’ mode? Like you said, she looooooooooves strawberries, maybe she had this grand strawberry themed scheme and hasn’t really stepped back to think about her guest
Yes, it is only one person, but are there any other ‘special’ dietary needs/allergies that need considering? If so, it may be possible for the bride to do double duty on that; strawberry free & diabetic friendly or whatever.
As disappointing as it may be, your allergic friend may just have to decline attendance–her health should come first [for herself] and if she doesn’t feel she can attend while maintaining her health/safety then it seems to be the only solution.
It may be upsetting, but like you said, the bride/groom don’t seem to really be flexible on the point. It *is* the brides wedding, so really, I suppose it is up to her to decide how important the allergic friend’s attendance is.
Post # 8
I’m sure a compromise can be made- perhaps the strawberries in the chocolate fountain can be replaced with something else. I don’t see why the bride can’t still have her strawberry filled cake or a strawberry filling. Maybe your friend can go get a cocktail or hit the dance floor while people at her table are eating cake so that she doesn’t have to be near it. While I definitely think that her allergy concerns should be taken into high consideration, I think there are probably also things that she can do to help make a compromise so that the bride can still have her strawberry cake. Maybe she can carry also an epi-pen to be on the safe side (I assume that if her allergy is really so severe, she probably does anyway).
Post # 9
Maybe the cake baker can make a little cake for bride and groom with strawberry filling and not have strawberries elsewhere. Ultimately the bride will have to decide if catering to one friend on her day is more important than catering to herself. I don’t know of anyone with deathly allergies at our wedding but we are serving a lot of options for both food and cake so keep everyone happy.
Post # 10
Hmmm….my first thought was, well, it’s not like it’s a life threatening allergy, but then I realized it was kind of mean. lol I would think it would be kind of odd to be dead set on having strawberries knowing that a good friend couldn’t attend your wedding. I mean, there are things I LOVE, but in 20 years when I look back on it, I’d think I’d rather see a picture of my friend at the wedding than a picture of all the strawberries I had.
I would give the bride the benefit of the doubt and say that the friend’s food allergy probably slipped her mind. I mean, out of all the hundreds of people she could possibly be inviting, and all the wedding plans she has going on inside her head, I highly doubt everyone’s food allergies are at the top of her “things I gotta remember” list. I would just gently remind her about your friend’s situation…and also tell your other friend to relax and try not to be offended.
Maybe your friend can use other things with the chocolate fountain, raspberries, marshmellows, bananas, ect.
Post # 11
Thanks for the tips! Honestly the bride totally knew about this friends allergy (I’m the Bridesmaid or Best Man not her), but really enjoys those cake flavors. And her FH has basically said something along the lines of ‘well you have to go out in the real world, and not everyone is going to bow to you all the time’ In context of their relationship, it makes sense. The friend tries to boss the groom around e.g. we can’t go to this bar cause I don’t like their food, I don’t know why we are parking here, etc etc. She doesn’t try that stuff with us because I just ignore her, but it drives the FH insane. Ah drama. 😀
I’ll mention to the bride about changing it out, but honestly I think that the friend will either come to the wedding and pout, or not come. Hopefully I can keep them from screaming at each other on Saturday.
Post # 12
I think Rachel’s idea of the mini-cake is a great one.
I also agree with PPs that having a person there is more important than strawberries. I love strawberries too but they can eat them on their honeymoon if they love them so much.
Post # 13
My opinion is that she can tell the bride what her concerns are, but not expect the wedding plans to change. if they DO, then that’s great, but if the bride and groom want to keep their cakes and stuff, the friend has to be grown up and choose not to go. it sucks, but it is what it is.
Post # 14
Right, I would rather have my friend at my wedding than tons of strawberries in my photos or on my plate. That being said, if the bride doesn’t change her mind, and the friend still decides to come. She probably would carry an epi-pen with her, which would be important. Hopefully the venue is not a remote mountainous area and advanced care is in closed proximity. Just in case. Get the local dispatch number on your cell phone!
Post # 15
I think the strawberries need to be eliminated. A friend of mine has a peanut allergy and used to have to talk to our friends all the time about how anything peanut related was like arsenic to him. Then he got served some and went into anaphylactic shock. It really put into perspective for me how serious it is. We are not having anything peanut related at our wedding and it is not a problem to me at all. IMO either the strawberries go or the Bridesmaid or Best Man has every right to not attend.
Post # 16
It sounds like the issues here might run deeper than just food and allergies. It sounds like the FH doesn’t want this friend at the wedding! I’m not going to lie, if someone said to me “we’d rather have strawberries and you not come” then they either A) don’t understand how allergies work or B) don’t want me there. Either way, yikes.