Post # 1
Member
25 posts
Newbee
I am an encore bride but it is My FH first. We both worked at a assited living center and I have become extremley close with all the residents. So when we became engaged I told him I wanted to do the ceremony there. My only thought was I want all these people to be at our wedding. there is 80 residents and we have invited about 100 people from the outside. So today the coporate lady who was invited and NO one likes came down on all the employes about gifts and informed my Fiance that there will be NO GIFTS given. They offered food for the event and the cake- We planned on doing it all ourselfs-I am decorating and we have put tons of money out for the wedding. When people ask I have always said we did not want gifts. Especially from the residents-But now our family can not give a gift? and two weeks before the wedding Really?
I do not know what to say or do other than move the wedding then no one will be able to attend from the assited living faciliyty. I lso told my Fiance to direct all questions to me-Since he still has to work there-What do I do tho about the residents. Is it my Job to tell them?
Post # 3
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
Technically speaking, the only people she can tell not to give gifts are her employees. She has no control over what family or residents do.
Post # 4
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
Are you sure she didn’t mean just from people there? Both employees and residents? I don’t see how she can stop all of your family and friends from bringing gifts or turn them away if they did. I would have your BFF or someone at work send all the residents and employees a note saying something like ” our gift to the bride is the beautiful facility and cake, please do not purchase an additional gift “. So that the residents don’t feel obligated to get you something
Post # 5
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
sorry but technically she can tell no one that they cannot give a gift. But, no she absolutely cannot tell your family they can’t. She probably doesn’t want the residents feeling obligated.
Post # 6
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
What problem does she have about gifts? Does she want to make sure none of the employees/residents feel like they have to give you a gift? Is she worried about not having space in the room to store all the gifts?
Can you just designate someone’s van as the “gift drop-off” place and have it parked in the parking lot or on the street?
Post # 7
Member
3580 posts
Sugar bee
@MrsWBS: This.
OP, whether she’s liked or not is irrelevant. I would have another talk with her and find out if she has any concerns because it sounds like she’s uncomfortable with this. And she’s allowed to since this is pretty much her place. Tread lightly.
Your other guests can hold onto their gifts until they’re leaving and then transfer them to your vehicle or something.
Post # 8
Hostess
1427 posts
Bumble bee
Nothing’s stopping your guests from gifting to you outside of the facility… *wink wink*
Most store registries also direct ship to your address on file. 😀
Post # 9
Member
2488 posts
Buzzing bee
don’t move it! I can tell you want them included! She can only tell her employees not to give gifts- just don’t make a big deal out of the gifts if they are given just say thank you and place them aside! all will be ok!
Post # 10
Member
25 posts
Newbee
I just needed to vent-I personally have not spoken to this person-She told all employess without a word to Myself or my Fiance. I personally tell all residents that No gift is needed. And Told MY fi just to drop it-we will have a card Box at a table in the rec room for family and friends-And yes it is very relevent that no one cares for this woman- for it is known that she will find any excuse to fire you-I quit there because of unlawful write ups and demotions. It is a hell to work there. But I love 95%of the employes and all of the residents. I do not mind the rule but dont wait till 2 weeks before hand-And I refuse to tell any guest what to do. I just want to marry the man I love and forget his foe pas of inviting this woman.
Post # 11
Member
13249 posts
Honey Beekeeper
She can’t tell your family what to do, end of story. She can control her employees, and depending on regulations that have been established previously, she may be able to control the residents but she’s got no right to tell your family what to do. That’s ridiculous.
Post # 12
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
Honestly, I would handle it pretty much the way you have been, telling residents that their gift is the facility and the cake (that’s brilliant, by the way 🙂 And I would tell family and friends that because of the venue, and that you don’t want to make any of the residents, who are gifting the facility and cake already, feel bad about not showing up with a package in hand, could any gifts please be dropped off at your house before or after the wedding, or sent by post.
I’d also have a sit down with the woman and thank her for her assistance in reaffirming to the residents that their gift of venue and cake is already more than enough, and that you’ve requested that your friends and family not bring gifts to the reception as well. She sounds like a ridiculously difficult woman to get along with, but if you put her in the position of being someone who is helping you, rather than obstructing you, you may change how she thinks of the relationship and make the entire thing that much smoother.
On the day of, set up a table with a card box and a long tablecloth and some boxes underneath. Discretely move any gifts out of sight into those boxes, and then out of the building when the opportunity presents itself. (Because you know some people will bring gifts anyway. 🙂
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