(Closed) Guest and girlfriend invited but now broken up drama.

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Seems sort of strange to me that she wants to go so badly when she will only know her ex.

Post # 4
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

Call and ask her if she’s coming…

Post # 5
Member
99 posts
Worker bee

Hmm… maybe tell the ex he needs to call her and tell her she wasn’t invited? Or maybe you should just flat out tell her?

I don’t know, it almost seems like she’s only going so she can see the ex and start drama. I’d almost be scared that if i told her she wasn’t invited she’d get mad and show up anyway and cause a scene.

Definitely a touchy situation. Let us know what you do!

Post # 6
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

She was contacted and said she is still coming. Honestly, I find it a little weird that she would want to still come unless she wants to keep tabs on her ex. Crazy, I know but I’ve seen it happen! I would call her back and tell her or remind her of the original arrangement. She is not close with you guys so I dont see why she really wants to be there. Plus you can always cancel a room reservation, its not like a plane ticket!

Post # 7
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

sometimes you just have to suck it up and have someone there you really don’t want. you’ll have a lot less stress and one less thing to worry about if you just accept she’ll be there. And who knows… if she is as crazy and she seems, she just might try to do something to “pay you back” in the future.  my other thought: 9 days before the wedding? you don’t have to have to final count already?

Post # 8
Member
1518 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

If you think things will be okay and everyone will behave at the ceremony it might be easier to just let her come…but if you are worried about it then i would call and ask if she is planning on going with her ex Boyfriend or Best Friend (your friend) and tell her that you were really expecting her as his quest. And say that unless he brings her than you won’t have room for her. You could always say that your caterer already received the final number and the ex is bringing someone else or that you took her off once you found out they broke up.

Seems like there will be drama either way :0 That doesn’t make sense to me that she is still planning on coming.. unless her and the ex Boyfriend or Best Friend come together because they are the we will get back together or be friends path. 

 

Post # 9
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

it sounds like her ex is ‘ok’ with her coming.  If that’s the case – then it sounds like you are ‘stuck’.  You could tell her she’s not welcome – but that could just create more drama.  

If I were her, I wouldn’t want to come.  

But, maybe she feels closer to you guys than you think.

Post # 10
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

If her ex isn’t okay with her being there OR if you all don’t want to have to pay for her – just tell her the truth. She was invited as the GUEST of your friend. If she’s not coming WITH your friend, she’s not invited.

She obviously just wants to hang around him (which seems weird but knowing who broke up with whom would shed some light).

Post # 12
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Just because you extended an invitation to him ‘and guest’ does not mean that he must bring someone.  He can go stag! In terms of the ex-gf, the invitation wasn’t sent to her, I don’t think she has any say or whether or not she’s going.

Post # 13
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

This is a tough situation – I don’t think all the responders are getting all the facts.

You said your Fiance spoke directly with her to confirm she was coming. What did he say to her at that point? Did he confirm it was okay for her to come?

I think someone should have a heart-to-heart with her and explain that:

1) It is now awkward if she comes because of the relationship drama and she won’t know anyone there.

2) She wasn’t actually invited to the wedding, her ex was invited with a plus-one and due to your limited space and budget you cannot accomodate any extra guests.

It should actually be the Ex-BF who has this conversation with her, because like you said anything can happen. They could get back together the week after your wedding then it would be really awkward between you and her if you or Fiance had to have this convo with her. If I were you, I would tell her ex Boyfriend or Best Friend to tell her she isn’t invited. It’s his responsiblity and the message should come from him. She’s obviously trying to create drama by still attending and I would put a stop to it right now.

Post # 14
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Whoa! There’s no way I’d let her come. Your FH’s friend should sort that out – not leave it to you to do. That’s totally unfair of him.

Post # 15
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree with moderndaisy. I think it’s the ex’s responsibility to let her know that she is no longer his date. Perhaps she didn’t realize that she was a plus one and didn’t receive an invitation directly. If your Fiance is close enough to her that he can call her and tell her that it’s the ex’s choice whether he bring her or not, I would have him do that…then the ex can decide if he wants her there.

Post # 16
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think you Fiance should call the friend and have an honest conversation and say that since you are trying to keep the wedding small, the exGF will be seated with him, how does he feel about that? She was only invited through the friend and your FH needs to be clear with his friend about this. The exgf sounds like she is going to stir up drama…weddings bring out the best and the worst and after a recent break up? I wouldn’t want her there.

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