Post # 1
Ok, so I’m just going to jump into this..here goes:
We invited FH friend who has been on and off again with his girlfriend of 5 years.
We told him that she is invited if they are together, but if not then we are not allowing plus ones. (we are really trying to keep the guest list low and can’t afford it)
When we sent it out the invite they were together, which is fine…but now 9 days before the wedding they broke up.
FH contacted friend (cause we are doing the seating chart) to verify info.
They broke up.
He said that she told him that she was still coming.
Which I personally don’t really know her very well or like her (she’s drama and crazy). FH never liked her.
FH contacted her and she said she is still coming.
Problem is, She wasn’t invited, her name wasn’t on the invite. She doesn’t know anyone at the wedding besides ex boyfriend and his friends.
But she told my FH that she already booked a room and is coming..
My question is, what do we do?
There is a chance they could get back together in the future…or not.
We can’t afford to pay for people we really don’t want there.
Post # 3
Seems sort of strange to me that she wants to go so badly when she will only know her ex.
Post # 4
Call and ask her if she’s coming…
Post # 5
Hmm… maybe tell the ex he needs to call her and tell her she wasn’t invited? Or maybe you should just flat out tell her?
I don’t know, it almost seems like she’s only going so she can see the ex and start drama. I’d almost be scared that if i told her she wasn’t invited she’d get mad and show up anyway and cause a scene.
Definitely a touchy situation. Let us know what you do!
Post # 6
She was contacted and said she is still coming. Honestly, I find it a little weird that she would want to still come unless she wants to keep tabs on her ex. Crazy, I know but I’ve seen it happen! I would call her back and tell her or remind her of the original arrangement. She is not close with you guys so I dont see why she really wants to be there. Plus you can always cancel a room reservation, its not like a plane ticket!
Post # 7
sometimes you just have to suck it up and have someone there you really don’t want. you’ll have a lot less stress and one less thing to worry about if you just accept she’ll be there. And who knows… if she is as crazy and she seems, she just might try to do something to “pay you back” in the future. my other thought: 9 days before the wedding? you don’t have to have to final count already?
Post # 8
If you think things will be okay and everyone will behave at the ceremony it might be easier to just let her come…but if you are worried about it then i would call and ask if she is planning on going with her ex Boyfriend or Best Friend (your friend) and tell her that you were really expecting her as his quest. And say that unless he brings her than you won’t have room for her. You could always say that your caterer already received the final number and the ex is bringing someone else or that you took her off once you found out they broke up.
Seems like there will be drama either way :0 That doesn’t make sense to me that she is still planning on coming.. unless her and the ex Boyfriend or Best Friend come together because they are the we will get back together or be friends path.
Post # 9
it sounds like her ex is ‘ok’ with her coming. If that’s the case – then it sounds like you are ‘stuck’. You could tell her she’s not welcome – but that could just create more drama.
If I were her, I wouldn’t want to come.
But, maybe she feels closer to you guys than you think.
Post # 10
If her ex isn’t okay with her being there OR if you all don’t want to have to pay for her – just tell her the truth. She was invited as the GUEST of your friend. If she’s not coming WITH your friend, she’s not invited.
She obviously just wants to hang around him (which seems weird but knowing who broke up with whom would shed some light).
Post # 11
Oh the girl totally wants to get back together with her ex, she just wants to put so much pressure on him that he caves in.
I just don’t want to deal with her crying/acting needy/being drama-weird.
But you are right, it might be more drama not inviting her..She would be the person “get us bacK” or show up anyways.
Sorry, just really frusterated at how much we have ended up spending. AND how people feel entitled to being invited when we are trying to keep it small. I’m sure alot of the people that have guilt us into coming we wont be friends with in 5 years.
It’s the people that we are not super close with that have given us the most crap about not being invited/not having a plus one (when they are serial daters, and know alot of people already at the wedding)
I just feel that this wedding has turned into pleasing the people that complain and make us feel horrible that we are being so selfish.
Post # 12
Just because you extended an invitation to him ‘and guest’ does not mean that he must bring someone. He can go stag! In terms of the ex-gf, the invitation wasn’t sent to her, I don’t think she has any say or whether or not she’s going.
Post # 13
This is a tough situation – I don’t think all the responders are getting all the facts.
You said your Fiance spoke directly with her to confirm she was coming. What did he say to her at that point? Did he confirm it was okay for her to come?
I think someone should have a heart-to-heart with her and explain that:
1) It is now awkward if she comes because of the relationship drama and she won’t know anyone there.
2) She wasn’t actually invited to the wedding, her ex was invited with a plus-one and due to your limited space and budget you cannot accomodate any extra guests.
It should actually be the Ex-BF who has this conversation with her, because like you said anything can happen. They could get back together the week after your wedding then it would be really awkward between you and her if you or Fiance had to have this convo with her. If I were you, I would tell her ex Boyfriend or Best Friend to tell her she isn’t invited. It’s his responsiblity and the message should come from him. She’s obviously trying to create drama by still attending and I would put a stop to it right now.
Post # 14
Whoa! There’s no way I’d let her come. Your FH’s friend should sort that out – not leave it to you to do. That’s totally unfair of him.
Post # 15
I agree with moderndaisy. I think it’s the ex’s responsibility to let her know that she is no longer his date. Perhaps she didn’t realize that she was a plus one and didn’t receive an invitation directly. If your Fiance is close enough to her that he can call her and tell her that it’s the ex’s choice whether he bring her or not, I would have him do that…then the ex can decide if he wants her there.
Post # 16
I think you Fiance should call the friend and have an honest conversation and say that since you are trying to keep the wedding small, the exGF will be seated with him, how does he feel about that? She was only invited through the friend and your FH needs to be clear with his friend about this. The exgf sounds like she is going to stir up drama…weddings bring out the best and the worst and after a recent break up? I wouldn’t want her there.