Post # 1
We are having a small wedding and dinner and then inviting many more people for cake, dancing and merriement. A friend that we have invited to the “merriement” part of our wedding day email us asking “do I need to bring a gift since I’m just being invited to the reception?” What do we say to her? Yes I know that know what HAS to bring a gift to anything, but to ask us. I personally would never show up to anything without a gift, and I am not sure how to respond to her. Please help!
Post # 3
“Well of course, you do not need to bring a gift. Your presence is the best gift of all!”
Seriously, how odd. Why would someone ask that question?
Post # 4
IDK- but maybe she really wants to celebrate with you, but she doesn’t have money for a gift, and feels embarrassed??
Post # 5
I would say, “I am sure people will, but of course you don’t need to!” Just to make it clear that other people will be. So it would be weird for her not to. Definitely weird of her to ask you.
Post # 6
maybe shes double checking that she was only inivted to the “merriment” part – the way she phrased it makes me think as much.
less about the gift more about what she was invited to be part of – i would respond with “your presence is enough of a gift for us so do what you feel is right :)”
Post # 7
Maybe she was upset that she is only invited to the merriment part of the day and was making a rude comment about it. I’d just go with “No need to bring anything, we’re just happy to have you celebrate with us!”
Post # 8
I would not allude to the fact that other people will be bringing gifts – she knows that gifts will be a part of the day or she wouldn’t have asked whether she should bring one. Saying something along the lines of others will be bringing gifts but she doesn’t need to, or that she should do what she thinks is right may be taken by her as a hint that you want her to bring a gift.
I think it was rude of her to ask this question, but I would just respond that her presence at the reception is a gift in itself and you look forward to celebrating with her.
Post # 9
I agree with Miss Brit – let her know that others will bring gifts but she doesn’t have to.That way she can make up her own mind.
Seriously, very odd question.
Post # 10
I agree with the others, VERY odd question. I am with Miss Britt and Moderndaisy on this.
Post # 11
Never invite her to anything again!! You know the old saying….’if you have to ask….’ What a jerk! Ofcourse, it’s not about the gift, but to actually say that to YOU! Loser!
Post # 12
Why would someone ask that? I don’t know if I would even reason a response. Unless this woman is from another planet or has never been to a wedding before, she would know it’s polite to bring a gift (whether it be big or small) if you’re invited (to the ceremony or not)! I think she is asking a question she already knows the answer to … if it were me, I wouldn’t even bother responding to something like that.
Post # 13
People are so strange. I suspect she might be making a passive agressive snide comment about not being invited to the dinner, so she may just be really clueless. In any event, the most gracious way to respond would be “No need to bring anything. We are just happy to have you celebrate with us!” I wouldn’t mention that others are bringing gifts.
Post # 14
Well I think it was rude for her to bother to ask, but… to not be invited to the ceremony OR dinner??? While etiquette might say it’s OK to invite ppl to just the reception, IMO it’s not quite cutting it, if they aren’t even invited to dinner. I can see why she might question the set up. You are asking her to come, but saying, “You’re second string and not worthy of my dime for dinner.”
Maybe you have budget constraints and that’s why you have a small dinner list. That’s fine. But if it was me, and I was inviting ppl to just the merriment and not providing them dinner, I would be sure to let them know, “Please no gifts”.
My purpose isn’t actually to make you feel bad. I just don’t think there is good reason for everyone to jump down this girl’s throat, when there are other things to consider.
Post # 15
I’m kinda with Tonya on this one. I would typically be in the group that thinks it’s rude to invite people to the reception but not the ceremony. (and vice versa) So I would guess that she is trying to give you a snide remark about that fact. Her e-mail to me reads “Okay; i’m not invited to watch the ceremony or to the dinner; but you want me to come to your reception party and bring you a gift?” No it’s not a very pleasant way to approach it but that is what I get from her e-mail. She’s feeling slighted because she wasn’t invited to everything. You can’t really blame her for that. That should be expected when you do something like that. It doesn’t make her e-mail right or acceptable; but that’s her way of dealing with it. I would e-mail back and say “Please no Gifts. We just want a fun evening of celebrating!” Because honestly; you really shouldn’t expect someone to bring a gift who wasn’t invited to the whole event. I know a lot will; but probably just out of obligation. I would not say anything about what others will do. Because you really never know how other people (who weren’t so willing to e-mail) really feel. I’d stick to the celebration line and hope that she will still make it!
Post # 16
Part of me just wants you to say “Yes” and maybe send a link to a wedding etiquette website. I mean, the PC answer of “No, of course not” is so disengenuous. I mean, if she’s going to be rude enough to ask, just give her the straight answer then!
Of course, I wouldn’t actually do this. The other part of me thankfully knows better and has veto power over the other half.