(Closed) Guest Attire??

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2363 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Black tie optional.

Post # 6
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We’re doing black tie optional. I’m spreading via word of mouth and our website that, “I would prefer men who own a tux wear it and I would prefer women wear long gowns. If you still have your prom dress (many recent college grads) it is probably appropriate. If you do not own a tux, a black suit is fine. If you do not own a long gown, a formal short gown is ok. If you are purchasing/renting attire for the event please get a tux or long gown. Please don’t let the dress code keep you from attending. I would rather have you there in a short dress or dark suit than not have you there at all.”

ETA: Future Mother-In-Law told me last night that most women don’t own long gowns anymore. That even events which require the most formal attire (very formal weddings, cruises, fancy resturaunts ect.) often have most women in short dresses and men in suits instead of tuxes. Our society is just getting more casual 🙁

Post # 5
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We had this same problem.  We didn’t necessarily care if men were in a tux or just a nice suit, but we wanted people to dress for the formal occasion. 

We have been to “black tie optional” weddings where women were in short dresses and some men didn’t even wear a coat.  We decided to go with “black tie” hoping that people will get the idea that it’s formal and dress “their best”.

 

But LittleRiver is correct, between ‘cocktail attire’ & ‘black tie’ is considered ‘black tie optional’

Post # 9
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@TheHotMrsG:  It makes me sad. I love dressing up. If you invite me to your wedding I’ll wear an evening gown ;). One of the other ways you can communicate your wedding is formal is through the invitations. The most formal invitations are letterpress/embossed and black and white. They also convey the formality through the wording. ETA: Link to Emily Post about wording for formal wedding invitations. http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-invitations-and-announcements/335-wording-formal-wedding-invitations

Post # 10
Member
11351 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I also had a black tie optional reception.  Some of the men wore tuxedos, some wore dark suits, and a couple wore sports coats and dress pants.  Most of the women wore street length dresses, and a few wore long gowns.

Post # 11
Hostess
11167 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@TheHotMrsG:  Your concerns are completely rational.

Our wedding was black tie optional and we conveyed this on both our website and wedding invites (small print on the bottom). On our website we even went as far as stating No…jeans, khakis etc.  Despite a lengthy conversation with a friend she showed up in what would best be described as “club wear” and her husband came in blue jeans. I was beyond annoyed.

Post # 12
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Wow i am so surprised by this!  I wouldn’t think twice about going to a black tie optional wedding in a short dress. 

Post # 13
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

There is no such thing as “black tie optional.”  That is a made-up designation.  People are adults and should be treated as such – you can’t tell people how to dress.  If they look silly, that’s on them, not you.

The ONLY exception to this is “black tie,” which means the entire wedding, not just people’s clothing.  A black tie wedding has passed hors d’oeuvres, top-shelf liquor completely open bar, live band, multi-course sit down dinner, engraved invitations, etc. 

Post # 14
Member
3266 posts
Sugar bee

I just wanted to point out that “black tie” has hosting implications as much as it reflects guest attire.

If you are requesting black tie, you also must be providing a live band, gloved dinner, plated service, full open bar of top shelf liquor.

If you are going to provide that, then go ahead and write black tie on the invitations which should convey that level of sophistcation, and of course caligraphy or hand written envelopes.

If you just want people to dress up then do it in a more informal way like the website or word of mouth.

Post # 15
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Is there some way you can allude to the wedding being formal on your STDs?

Post # 16
Member
3266 posts
Sugar bee

@OctBride-2012:  I’m not sure why you would need to communicate the formality of the event on an FYI.

The invitation is what matters.  STD’s are not only not required, but are plum a bad idea a lot of the time.

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