(Closed) Guest behaved so badly I'm unsure what to do.

posted 5 years ago in Reception
Post # 16
Member
719 posts
Busy bee

This sounds like one big mess.  In any event, what’s done is done, you can’t go back in time.  I would recommend the high road.  Hand over her photos to her, no further editing required.  Severe ties and forget about the alcohol, she probably doesn’t even have it anymore.

Post # 17
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Having Aspergers and being an asshole are two different things. Only assholes behave poorly and then blame it on a disorder.

Give her photos back, unedited. She deserves no more of your or your husbands time.

Post # 18
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

So most of the bad behavior is just hearsay.

Post # 19
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Pele:  Is your husband a professional photographer? Contract or not, she could still make trouble for him (writing bad online reviews) if you guys said you would take the photos and then don’t turn them over. It sounds horrible, but she could do it and people on the webs would believe her. Get the story from your BM’s wife, ask her nicely what happened, turn over the bare minimum of pics and let it go. 

Post # 20
Member
213 posts
Helper bee

I definitely thing that something needs to be discussed. This is clearly not fully explained by her being a “bitch”, or aspergers, or social anxiety. If you have been friends with her for some time, including going to her wedding, and you haven’t seen anything to make you expect this then I would look for an explanation.

I would stare by trying to verify the stories, if some stuff is on video then you can start there. I would have to reccomend calling and talking to her, clearly something is up, whether it was something that day, or she has been putting up a facade during your friendship, I think you need to get some sort of answer.

I don’t think it would be right to keep her photos, asking for an explanation about the boxes (if you find evidence to back up the stolen alchohol theory) prior to providing them is certainly in your rights. If you have no interest in continuing this relationship then I think that the best method is to send the raw photos, and a letter explaining your feelings, and leave it at that. If there was something truely wrong that day that can be explained then you can leave it to her to repair the damage done.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by  MakingHerWait.
Post # 21
Member
12119 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I thought the best man’s wife had to drive this person to your wedding?  Wouldn’t she, or the best man,  know if she had transported all this booze in her trunk?  

Putting that aside, why did she get into arguments with so many of your family members?  What was that about?  

Post # 22
Member
3025 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

It also sounds like she could have been using drugs.

Post # 23
Member
5 posts
Newbee

Derp:  I’m sorry but that is a disgusting way to talk about people with disabilities. I realise that you have had a bad experience with one person with autism but that is no reason to tar everyone with the same brush. 

I work with children with autism and the way you talk makes me worry what they will face when they go out into the world and meet people like you. 

Post # 24
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Royal Park Hotel

 

nerolineroli:  Give me a break.  I wasn’t talking about everyone under the sun or the kids you work with.  I’m talking about MY experience and the OPs experience.

I’m not getting into this with you because you’re obviously easily triggered by things that really have nothing to do with the matter at hand

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by  Derp.
Post # 25
Member
5 posts
Newbee

Derp:  then don’t use the word Aspies like an insult. And by your logic ‘looking forward to it being over diagnosed’ also has nothing to do with the matter at hand so maybe you should of left that out too. 

 

Im sorry you had that happen at you’re wedding OP but you’re definitely doing the right thing by trying to get to the bottom of what happened first. 

Post # 26
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Going against the grain here…

just give them the photos (unedited, no album) and be done with them.

Why cause more drama? Whats done is done, close the case and move on with your life and be happy (without her as a friend).

Post # 27
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Actually,those with autism tend to have a lot of trouble being deceptive, so I’d be very surprised if she both had autism and was able to lie so glibly. Not saying it’s not possible, just that it’s not likely that this behavior is caused by autism or aspergers 

Post # 28
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Royal Park Hotel

 

nerolineroli:  I do apologize for my statement about those with Aspbergers.  I was coming off a post of mine where I was extremely heated by the events taking place in my family and then seeing this post about a woman doing really shitty things at a wedding and potentially laying the blame on Aspbergers which…. I’m not entirely convinced my uncle has or the OPs person has.  That’s not really my place to decide.  I don’t want to thread jack but I do want to take responsibility to those I may have offended.

I didn’t really know Aspies was a slur as I’ve heard it used constantly and I just thought it was short for Aspbergers.  That must have been my own ignorance.  I certainly do apologize for getting heated and letting it get carried away.

Post # 29
Hostess
9630 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

Derp:  I’m glad you apologized because I was literally just getting ready to type a long, drawn out, off topic reply to you. 

 

To the OP, your best bet would be to call up this woman and say, “Hey, I heard that some people (use this so you don’t immediately put the blame on her) took cases of unused liquor after the wedding. I was calling to check in with all the guests, because my husband and I really wanted to return anything unused to get some money back. We bought extra for that reason.”

See what she says from there. If she admits to taking some, ask for it back. Ignore her behavior at the wedding and the way her children acted. There’s nothing you can do about it, so it’s best to just forget about it and move on.

If she says she didn’t take it, then you might want to use her wedding pictures as leverage (but only after you are 100% sure she did take it – video footage? missing inventory after sorting everyhing?). 

Once you get back what you need, it’s up to you to decide if this was out of character for her and if you still want to be friends. 

Post # 30
Member
5 posts
Newbee

Derp:  Thankyou very much, I really do apologise if I jumped down your throat. My son has it and you’re right it is a very touchy subject for me. 

I’ve just read your threads and I do understand where you are coming from. It does get used alot as an excuse for behaviour when it’s not appropiate. 

The aspie thing may just be that it’s used differently where I’m from. 

The topic ‘Guest behaved so badly I'm unsure what to do.’ is closed to new replies.

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