Guest demands…ready to elope

posted 3 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
4820 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

sparklybee2be :  Have you spoken directly to anyone in Eurpoe who would be flying over?  I’d want to hear it from them and not second hand.  

If I were in your shoes I’d keep the October date and enjoy the company of those who care enough to be there.  I love fall colors.  🙂  

Post # 3
Member
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

I wouldn’t have given in to his uncle so changing the date is definitely a no. Are you paying for this yourselves? If so I think you need to put your foot down. But if you’re certain you’ll just keep giving in to everyones demands then eloping sounds like a plan, as long as your Fiance agrees.

Post # 4
Member
1726 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

sparklybee2be :  Why is your soon to be husband putting the needs of everybody else before yours? It’s your wedding. Family doesn’t get to dictate. And your Fiance should have your back.

Post # 5
Member
2294 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise

sparklybee2be :  Um, hells to the nah.

It is your wedding. The only two opinions that matter are you and Fiance. It is not for other people to dictate where, when, how, or who. You make your plans. You send your invites. People who care enough to be there will make it. Those who don’t wont. 

And, really, eloping is always less fraught. If it wouldn’t break your heart, I wouldn’t dismiss it entirely as an option. 

Incidentally – there is no situation where everyone will be happy. Pay attention to what will make you and Fiance happy. That is what matters the most.

Sorry, Bee. People can be awfully self-centered.

Post # 6
Member
25 posts
Newbee

I am sorry to hear you are having troubles, wedding planning should be a joyous time! They do say that weddings and funerals bring out the worst in a family, and boy did I experience this!

My advice would be to do what you want, at the end of the day it’s your wedding and it is your family and friends jobs to support you and love you regardless of your choices about the wedding and just show up, it’s not their day! If people are not onboard with your choices, all you can do is explain the rationale (if you want to) and the rest is up to them, you can’t please everyone, no matter how hard you try to so just please yourself and your future husband!

Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
5878 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

IMO the key problem is not that guests are makign demands, but that you and your Fiance are not on the same page.  At this stage, it sounds like he has a flexible vision while you are feeling pretty set on your decisions.  Neither of you are right or wrong, you just need to come together and get on the same page.  

Then once you get on the same page, stick to it, and have him handle his own family.  

Post # 8
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

At this point, if people from Europe don’t want to come cause it’s in fall, have the winter wedding you want. 

Post # 10
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2017

The people saying your fiance isnt being supportive is not true. The only thing I got from that is he wants his uncle at his wedding. It is not just your wedding, no matter how many people tell you that, it is just as special to him (I’m sure you know that). Have the wedding you want. I have had family and friends cause issues this whole planning process, but now that we are done planning we are so excited for the day of our dreams! It will be beautiful! Wedding planning is a pick your battles type of thing! If youre dead set on September, you may have to give something else up down the road. Every one means well, people just dont always come across the way you want!

Post # 11
Member
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

sparklybee2be :  

 

Change the date to September 30th. It’s a Saturday 😂

Post # 12
Member
25 posts
Newbee

sparklybee2be :  My only response would be to be careful what you sacrifice or compromise on, sometimes if you do it once, people think they can keep expecting you to do it. Also, I get avoiding conflict but sometimes it’s worth it, especially if it means enough to you, just keep that in mind 🙂 Having a firm date or month or anything else set about your wedding and standing up for it is ok!

Post # 13
Member
3865 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I’m confused, they don’t want to come because it’s rainy and cold, but you said it’s not rainy and cold! Maybe explain the weather to them? Also as someone said, your Future Mother-In-Law may not be speaking for everyone. I’d calmly say ‘where we live September is still hot and October is gorgeous. We have chosen what we think is the best month and we are excited to celebrate with everyone’. (Or if you change, only go to September 29th (if you want a Saturday). Could be a good compromise)

Post # 14
Member
11527 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

sparklybee2be :  ok you’re annoyed by them thinking they can dictate, but your Fiance is the one saying to let them dictate. You don’t want to push it because you feel you’re being inflexible. 

If the date is a big deal to you, tell your Fiance and ask him to have your back. Tell him you compromised on his uncle’s kids, but now you’re not willing to compromise and surely he doesn’t expect you to do all of the compromising. 

This is his family. If they are dictating your wedding, wait until you have kids (if you are hoping to do so). 

 

Post # 15
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

You guys should do what you want for your wedding – especially if you are the ones paying, no one else should get a say. You pick the time that’s right for you. 

One thing that helped me and my Fiance with a wedding plan early on was determining our priorities together – and that put some framework around what our wedding would look like.

We found out we had different ideas on many details –  but of course you can compromise on smaller things. I wanted to make sure we both got the things that were most important to each of us. So we wrote lists of our top priorities, looked at eachother’s lists, and had a discussion together how we would make these priorities happen. If you do that, you might cement October as something you’ll both fight for (or you might find all your priorities will be best met eloping!) 

 

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