- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
Ok I have been following this thread for a while and feel like I really need to air my views now.
OP are you actually here for advice? Cos it seems more like you’re here to tell us that this girl is after your Fiance, that he’s not interested in her and that you should now uninvite her from your wedding. And you want us to agree with you on those things, almost so you can justify it to yourself and probably your Fiance. Even when someone agrees she may have feelings (which I don’t believe she does) but says you should invite her anyway, you shut them down. You just seem to want everyone to say you’re right and should not invite her. It sounds like you’ve even worn your Fiance down if I’m honest to say what you want to hear to stop all the drama.
The way I see it? I don’t think she ever had feelings for him. I think if anyone had feelings it was him. I think he may ONCE have had feelings for her but maybe not anymore. It’s HIM that jumped on a plane to go see her after a break up, no matter how you justify it now. She on the other hand, according to you, tried to set him up with her friends. If she had feelings for him why would she do that instead of making her own move? Sounds like she was trying to push him off from her and onto other girls if I’m quite honest. However that doesn’t mean he still has feelings, he was possibly confused at the time etc. But again, you’re getting mad about the fact that they have cutesy nicknames for each other – well HE is the one in a relationship, so if that bothers you it should be HIM you’re mad with, not her.
You come across as very jealous is I’m honest. And that’s something you need to deal with. I don’t know if your Fiance is God’s gift or whatever, but even if he’s not you have to deal with the fact that other women may find him attractive/have crushes on him at some point in your lifetimes. You can’t keep him under lock and key so you either have to learn to trust him or if you can’t then not marry him.
I also feel you’re picking on this girl a bit. She’s clearly trying to be nice, yet you try to poison it to make it sound bad when it’s not. I mean liking your facebook posts ffs?! How is that a nasty thing to do and where did you get the idea that this would mean she wants your Fiance. If I go and like some girl on my facebook’s posts right now does that mean I want their man too? Can’t you see how ridiculous that is? She’s your FI’s friend and is obviously trying to be your friend too. And she posted some song lyrics, how does that mean she wants your man? She talks about his sisters birthday party, again what the hell? Is it that you WANT her to want him or something?
I think one thing people are missing as well on this, it sounds like OP’s Fiance must have implied to the girl that she was invited but that she just never got an official invite because they thought she wouldn’t be able make it! OP admits this herself when she said “she kinda was on the guest list – but we didnt put her on offically because the distance, if that makes sense”
Now she can make it, she’s accepting the invite but wants to try to make OP comfortable about it. I think the message comes across sweet tbh and like she’s trying so hard to make peace just so she can see her friend on his special day (yes HIS day too – I see a lot of “my day” from you OP)
You agreed she could come so you’re going to look thoroughly rude by telling her she can’t come. And nobody is that stupid that they’ll believe the numbers excuse. You mention his family like her more than you? Well this will push that one even further. She’ll be upset, they’ll be upset and you’ve got a ton of drama with your in laws before they’re even your in laws. You say she doesn’t help herself, well you’re not helping yourself either. Again I think you’re jealous of the fact they like her but you won’t win any popularity contests by pulling such a blatantly dishonest move such as telling her there’s no room for her.
I don’t know what you think she’ll do at the wedding anyway, but it’s like you’ve got this idea that all eyes must be on you at all times and if anyone so much as remarks on how far someone has travelled or admires someone else’s dress then somehow they’re stealing your thunder. A bit of a newsflash; guests will interact with each other and not just be staring at you the whole day.
You even said she said about your FI’s brother, to let the brother know his American gf is coming so why do you think she’s after your Fiance and not his brother? Would you take an issue if her and his brother liked each other? I’m guessing as long as they don’t interact on “your day” cos then you’ll accuse her of attention grabbing.
What’s so strange about her wanting to see a friend after 6 years? That’s normal! People have reunions all the time. No she shouldn’t have a noticeable reunion on your wedding day but you make it sound like she’s insane for wanting to see him after 6 years. And so what if she wants to spend the money? Like someone else says, that’s none of your business. She obviously values the friendship. So what?
The main reason I had to comment though was this reminded me of my brother’s wedding. His (now ex) wife couldn’t stand a certain family friend who had been our friend since we were kids. She subtly bullied the girl, making her feel like she wasn’t a real friend and would practically go insane if she texted him so much as Merry Christmas. I actually witnessed her storm off in anger that she had tried to call him to wish him happy birthday. One time the poor girl was staying at my parents’ house overnight as she was passing through on her way to her grandparents who live a long way from her. She is close to my parents and I don’t see why it was a big deal. The ex made a bunch of passive aggressive facebook statuses as if the girl was trying to somehow steal my brother away despite the fact he wasn’t even at my parents at the time. All it did was tick our entire family off, only for the ex to cry to anyone who would listen “Why don’t they like me?” She also made damned sure this girl was not allowed to go to their wedding. So my whole family (and a fair few of my brother’s friends) nicknamed her Bunny Boiler and although these jokes were kept private, once the drinks were flowing at their wedding the bunny boiling jokes started. Yes it was a bit mean that it happened at their wedding, but she brought it on herself.
In the end my brother couldn’t handle her controlling behavior anymore and recently left her.