(Closed) Guest dropping: asking them to pay?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
9198 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Yes, I think that’d be very rude.  It’s also rude of them to wait until the last minute, but this stuff happens at literally every wedding.  No need to one-up their rudeness.

How I dealt with it: just graciously told them that they’d be missed.

Congrats on the approaching nuptials!

Post # 4
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@jiayi:  It would be more rude of you to ask them to pay, then for them to call and tell you they can no longer make it.


Post # 5
1227 posts
Bumble bee

Yes it would be rude. 

Post # 6
4950 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Completely innapropriate to ask. We had people full on no show. Cousins and my SIL included. Let’s be clear, they weren’t sick or anything. My H’s cousin had a whole table not show. It sucks, but there is nothing you can do. :

Post # 7
8694 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

it’s rude but part of wedding game.  ask the venue if they can box the unused meals for you to take home.


Post # 8
2958 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

Don’t ask. No-shows are just something you have to accept when it comes to wedding planning. I had 4 family members tell me two days before that they couldn’t come – but you just have to brush it off.

Post # 9
3770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

@lolot:  +1, it’s rude for them to cancel last minute but it would also be inappropriate of you to ask them to pay for it.

Post # 10
7651 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Yeeaaahhh no. Don’t ask them to pay for their plate/dinner. While it sucks they waited until the last minute, shit happens, life moves on whether you move with it, and you have to accept the changes, good or bad.

Post # 11
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I wouldn’t ask them to pay for it. But people do need to be told their flakiness is not appreciated how else will they learn?

They’re likely going to do this to many more events etc in their lives. I would probably tell them that it’s fine they’re missing it but that they should have told you sooner because it is a little stressful in the planning process with last minute cancellations could incur extra expenses/costs to the wedding. And end it with but you are still very happy/glad they are still going to be there for the wedding which is the most important part and if they had to miss something better a rehearsal dinner than the day itself.

Post # 12
1839 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

yes, it’s rude to ask him.  and yes, it was rude of him not to tell you until the last minute.

Post # 13
5221 posts
Bee Keeper

LOL– I assume you’re joking.


Post # 14
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

If you already know they aren’t going to be there your caterer may be able to work something out with you.  Box up meals to go, donate the food (not leftovers) to a shelter, give you an extra bottle of wine, something.  But don’t ask them to pay. 

Post # 15
3731 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@jiayi:  I wouldn’t ask the Groomsmen to pay for his meal.

Post # 16
1736 posts
Bumble bee

Super rude. At least they had the decency to tell you they were not able to make it rather than just not show (I had one couple do that to me, not nice!)

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