(Closed) "& Guest"-ed… I'd be less offended if they didn't actually know my name.

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
1308 posts
Bumble bee

newenglandinmay:  

“Just got the wedding invitation for FI’s friends. He’s been friends with this guy for years, but long story short, I (we, really) are definitely not looking forward to this wedding. Anyway. The invite came.”

If both you and your Fiance are not looking forward to this wedding, I sense there is some bad blood between all of you.  Why are you attending a wedding you do not look forward to?  That seems silly and that you are actually continuing the drama.  I suspect that since you are not looking forward to the wedding, they are probably not looking forward to having you, thus naming you “guest”.  I agree, nasty on their part, but why are you even bothering with this?  Does it surprise you?

Also, I’ve known these types of mistakes to be made when someone was assisting with addressing envelopes. 

I didn’t read every single one of your responses, but you kind of slipped in the fact that you aren’t really great friends with these people, but are going to attend anyway and vent about the fact that you were named guest.  Seems the feeling is mutual.  Why not just send your regrets and call it a day?

 

 

Post # 33
Member
285 posts
Helper bee

If you’re SO offended and don’t even want to go-dont go. You’re an adult, stop being petty about something so small. 

Post # 34
Member
594 posts
Busy bee

Eh, it wouldn’t bother me. Sure, it’s not following traditional etiquette, but I doubt they were doing it intentionally to piss you off or upset you. Honestly, it bothers me more when people write “Mr. and Mrs. [Husband’s name]”, and even then I only get mildly irritated.

Post # 36
Member
3686 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I got one of those a few years ago.  It wasn’t the bride’s fault, really.  The calligrapher had convinced ther that if a couple was not married, the “& guest” was the proper way to address the invitation.  

Post # 37
Member
9760 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

I would be pissed too, they know your name, you’re not just some random guest that they don’t know, you have met them several times! You have been with your Fiance for a long time, they should address the invite to both of you BY NAME.

And from a bride perspective (I know a PP said it was petty from her bride perspective) and having seen all these threads about guests trying to substitute people, that the bride & groom don’t know, when their SOs or children can’t attend, I would say it is still very strange that they would write ‘and guest’.

Post # 38
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I dont think its very nice since you are engaged, but to play Devils advocate, I invited my cousin and put her longterm, live-in boyfriends name in the invite, so it was addresses to  ‘Jane Smith and John Doe’.  I had met him a couple of times but by no means was friends with him.  They broke up shortly after I sent the invites.  My cousin rsvp’ed yes for herself.  I got an email from him a few weeks later saying he would like to come too since he was invited.  Anyway lesson learned, I would not put names of boyfriends / girlfriends on invites anymore.  But you are a fiancée, so they should have put your name down.  But it don’t be mad at the bride, it’s most likely the grooms fault since you are on his side of the friends!

Post # 39
Member
555 posts
Busy bee

You’re not overreacting, I also had to look up the names of people I didn’t know for my wedding (we had 170 people at our wedding and A LOT of plus ones) and it really isn’t that hard! You’re really only supposed to use “guest” if you don’t know whom the guest will bring. Also-his friends know you so it is not like they actually have to search for your name sonewhere lol. I find it rude, as a guest you would also not write on the card “To Jim and the Bride”;) 

Post # 41
Member
904 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

9 times out of 10 when Fiance and I get an invitation to a wedding it’s to “John smith and Jane” I’ve come to the conclusion that his family figures since my last name isn’t on Facebook I must not have one. It’s quite annoying but I just laugh at it now.

Post # 42
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Wait, is this actually a thing? Getting horrendously offended because your full name isn’t put on an invite? Like yeah, naming a fiance is the proper etiquette, but of all the things that will ultimately not matter in life and don’t seem worth binge drinking over, this is pretty high up on my list.

Guess I’m quite horrid, too, because I purposely put an “and guest” for a girl whose boyfriend I knew would not be able to make it to the wedding and who had a close friend staying with them, so she would feel free to bring her. Bad me!

Post # 43
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

If it makes you feel any better, I was once received a hand delivered envelope that didn’t have MY name on it, nevermind mention of my live in boyfriend (oh, and I’m in the wedding party)

a friend of mine went as the date (live in, 5+ years together) to a wedding for which her Boyfriend or Best Friend was best man… the thank you card came addressed to him only.

Have you replied yet? make up an outlandish sounding last name when you return it so it will be on your table card 😉

I’d be offended but don’t sweat it too much, people are weird with wedding planning, it could be they don’t want to make assumptions on who is attending unless couple is firmly married. Go with your plan of “get drunk” and have fun, you’ll laugh about it down the road

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