(Closed) Guest invites their uninvited BF

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

depends i guess…will she know other people at the wedding?

Post # 4
2779 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

It depends on how you’re handling +1s I think. If you’ve limited them to married/engaged/long term partners only then just tell her that you’ve received her RSVP and you’re very sorry for he mix up but due to budget constraints you are unable to accomodate her boyfriend. 
I would, however, consider letting her bring him if she wouldn’t know anyone else at the wedding. But that’s just how I roll.

Post # 5
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

No you shouldn’t feel bad.  Just call her and in your most apologetic voice tell her you’re terribly sorry for the misunderstanding, but your invitation was only to her and that you’re afraid it won’t be possible to accommodate her bf. 

DON’T offer excuses like budget constraints, etc. as some people just see that as a sign to begin negotiating with you.  If she asks why just repeat that you’re sorry, but its just not possible.  If she gets mad and says she won’t come without her bf, tell her regretfully that she will be missed.

Remember that she is the incorrect one here and the one who should feel awkward and embarrassed. 

Good luck!

Post # 6
3620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We had to deal with that, and sent the following message:

“Dear so-and-so,

We received your rsvp in the mail and are so excited that you will be able to celebrate with us on our wedding day!

Unfortunately, given our venue’s capacity constraints, we were forced to make the difficult decisions to limit our guest list and were unable to accommodate your significant other at this time.

Of course we would love to have them if space permitted, and if we receive enough last minute declines to allow us to accommodate additional guests, we’ll certainly let you know!

We hope that you understand, and hope you can still make it!

Can’t wait to see you,

Love X&Y”

You can say that last bit about declines even if you have no intention of extending the offer… it softens the blow a little bit!  We didn’t use the “Budget Constraints” line, because we figured people would say “well, i’ll pay for their meal” – capacity constraints are non-negotiable 😉

Post # 7
1936 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I agree with the other posted that asked if she knew other people at the wedding. If she won’t know anyone else, I do think you should try to accommodate her boyfriend. I don’t think you HAVE to, but it would be nice if you could.

Post # 8
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree with Krises. I’m sure you have your reasons not to give everyone a +1 so if you want to stick with that, then be honest about it.

Even if people know other people at a wedding, they may not want to hang out with them the whole night and want a person with them. So if you can squeeze him in then it should be fine, if not then be honest with her.

Post # 9
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

What ARE your reasons for not extending a +1?  I think the truth is a good place to start, and if you’re uncomfortable giving her a why, you should still tell her it isn’t ok.  The invite was for ONE person.  She should honor that, or decline the invite.

Post # 10
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

i think that friend is extremely rude for doing that.  It’s very inappropriate as you would’ve written ‘plus 1’ on the card if you had wanted a bf there, right?!

I’d call her politely and tell her due to financial reasons, unfortunately you’re pressed for numbers.  She should understand this if she’s a friend. 

I think even if she doesn’t know anyone else there, as adults we need to grow up and get out of our comfort zones sometimes.  The bride and groom have enough to worry about wihtout concerning themselves over social anxiety.  I’d suggest people see a therapist if they can’t be alone for their friend’s wedding.

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