(Closed) Guest is paying for her daughters bf to come…

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What should I do with the check?
    Cash it : (11 votes)
    32 %
    Send it back : (23 votes)
    68 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1986 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I’d send it back and say it’s fine and you can’t wait to meet him and see them the day of your wedding.  I’m sure it will be folded into your gift.

    Post # 4
    Member
    877 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    It depends on what your stance is for +1’s.  We’re allowing anyone over the age of 18 to bring a guest, so I would send the cheque back.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1254 posts
    Bumble bee

    Ugh, that would tick me off too. I mean can the daughter not survive one evening without her boyfriend?! Anyway, that’s besides the point. My selfish and rebellious self says, wait until after the wedding to see what she gets you. But the right thing to do is to return the cheque (either by mail or personally at the wedding by either you or your Mom if she is paying for the wedding).

    Post # 6
    Member
    1986 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Random question, how long has she been with her bf?

    Post # 7
    Member
    651 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    If she’s 24 she should have gotten her own invite, and if you allowed +1’s for other guests then she should get one too.  If it’s just her flavor of the week I could see that would be annoying, but she is 24, it’s not like she’s 15.

    As far as the check, I think it does depend on your +1 policy.  Cash it if you weren’t allowing +1s and send it back if you are.

    Post # 8
    Member
    493 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I would send the check back and let her boyfriend come.  Technically I think you should have sent the 24 year old daughter her own invitation even if she lives at home with her parents.  I know people have budgets they have to stick to (and I’m sure a lot of people disagree on me with this) but I’m just all around not a big fan of people inviting guests to weddings and not providing them a plus one option especially when they’re in a long term relationship.

    Post # 9
    Member
    5153 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I would send the cash back and they in return will *hopefully* be gracious and give you a nice gift for your troubles. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    499 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I’d send it back just because it wouldn’t feel right to let them pay. In the grand scheme of things, it’s just one more head. True, it’s still wrong… but I would let it go.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1810 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I would definitely want to cash the check, of course, but knowing myself, I’d send it back.

    Bright side: At least she made the gesture though. Some people invite extra guests without bothering to at least acknowledge the extra cost.

    Post # 12
    Member
    77 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    Send it back with a note, I bet you will see it again 😉

    Post # 13
    Member
    1465 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Send it back and tell them that you do not have room at your venue. It is incredibly rude to ask to bring along strangers  that are uninvited even if someone offers to pay for their expenses.

    Post # 15
    Member
    966 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Wait up…  you’re spending more than $100 on every guest?  Wow, my mom is flabbergasted that I’d want to spend as much as $10 on them…  What are you doing for your reception, exactly?

    Post # 16
    Member
    5822 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Don’t feel bad, I spent $150 per person.  😉

    #1: There is no rule that says you need to give anyone a +1.  So you’re ok on that.

    #2: I don’t know if you should cash it or not…but I think waiting to see what she gifted you, and then giving it back to her at the reception could be played cool.  And if the guy is a blowhard, then keep the check and cash it.  🙂

    PS-I cannot believe someone RSVPed 5 of 2 are coming.  I would SERIOUSLY uninvite my family for that #Hit.

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