Post # 1
Hey, my first post! And it’s a long one…
SO, I have a little dilemma regarding my guest list, more specifically someone I left off the guest list. BACKGROUND: I had a roommate several years ago; let’s call her “Stan”. We were not close friends before we moved in together, but got along just fine. After a year of living together, we moved out (on friendly terms) but have not been close since (i.e., we don’t call each other, text each other, invite each other to bday dinners, etc.). We have a TON of mutual friends and they are probably the only reason “Stan” and I still see each other. On the rare occassion that we do see each other, we are friendly and exchange “Hey, how’s it going’s”, but don’t really have detailed conversations. My fiance isn’t her biggest fan, so when we made the guest list, we decided that we would not invite her, even though it would probably create some drama since so many of our mutual friends (including “Stan’s” BFF) are invited. If it became a big deal, we had discussed maybe letting her come as her BFF’s “plus 1”, since they’re both single, but she didn’t need a formal invite.
TODAY: I received a text from one of my best friends (who knows that “Stan” isn’t invited to wedding), that said “‘Stan’ is asking me if she is invited to your wedding, what do you want me to tell her?”. I pretty much expected an “Am I invited?” from her, but didn’t think she would use my super-sweet friend as a medium. Part of me is a little peeved that she would put my friend in the middle of this, but another part of me is understanding that she wouldn’t want to contact me, so it doesn’t seem like she’s fishing for an invite (even though that’s pretty much what she’s doing). I don’t want to lie and say “it’s a small wedding” or “only close friends and family” because neither are true. I’m not trying to hurt her feelings; I just feel like she is more interested in the actual invitation, rather than watching us get married.
Anywho, I haven’t answered my friend’s text yet. Obviously, I’m gonna talk it over with my fiance, but was wondering if anyone else been in a similar situation and if so, how was it handled?
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2013 - Old Stone House in Brookyn
If she isn’t even close enough to text you about the wedding, why would she expect to be invited? So weird!
How does your friend feel about telling her “no”? I know it’s not fair to expect your friend to be the messenger, but she might not mind.
Post # 4
I’d tell your friend to say she’s not sure and she should ask you. That way it gets your friend out of it and you can simply tell her she isn’t invited. Just my opinion.
Post # 5
@itshouldsnow: Good answer! It may mean that the OP has to suck up the courage to say ” I’m sorry, but weren’t able to accomodate everyone we wanted to invite”.
Post # 6
tell your friend to stay out of it as its no concern of hers and you will contact “Stan” directly
do not make your friend bring Stan as a plus one – if she chooses to thats her business but otherwise i dont think its nice to invite someone and tell them who they are bringing
somehow tell Stan that they are not invited – tell her its nothing negative about their friendship but its a numbers game and you hope she understands.
Post # 7
I have been in a similar situation with my quinceneira (15th birthday)!! That party was bigger than my own wedding is going to be and definitely more expensive LOL I ended up excluding her from the invite list and all of our mutual friends came. A year later that same girl became one of my best girlfriends and still is to this day. I felt bad about not inviting her then and now that we are closer I regret my decision even more. No one knows the future but make sure you make the right decision for yourself.
Post # 8
I agree that your friend should stay out of it. Maybe saying she doesn’t know or telling “stan” she better asks you.
It’s unconfortable to tell her straight on that she’s not invited and I know you don’t want to lie but it’s not like you’re lying just to get our of it, it’s just that the polite way to act it’s to say things like ‘We would’nt able to accomodate everyone we wanted’, ‘It’s something small’…
Post # 9
@itshouldsnow: That’s a really good thought!
Post # 10
Thanks for the advice! And yes, I also think it’s weird that she’s expecting an invite. Think I’ll just tell my friend to tell her that she doesn’t know and wait to see if “Stan” actually contacts me herself so I can explain…