- 13 years ago
I’ve been super stressed lately over planning my wedding. I feel like it’s to be something fun, and exciting but honestly lately I don’t want to plan it. It’s like I’m avoiding it! I don’t want to deal with the stress of it, hurt feelings,etc. So pretty much here is our situation.
When going to plan this wedding my fiance and I are currently living down South in the Miami area while we both are attending school. Both of our families live up in the Central area of Florida so we decided to have our wedding there. We just found out that we are going to be relocating up there in 5 weeks because of my fiance getting a job. So we both are super excited and feel that it will then making the wedding planning so much easier.
My problem really is with my soon -to-be (MIL), and I’m really not sure how to go about the situation.
When you first get engaged as we all know it’s so exciting for the two of you. Your glowing,excited to start a new chapter in your lives together. We were those two people. We were trying to figure out a date and every date we came up with didn’t work for others that are close to us. So we finally said the date is the day we got engaged in a year from now. JANUARY 1st 2010! If our families and friends can make it, it would mean the world to us. If by some reason they can’t then we are sorry, but we can’t work our wedding around everybody we knows schedule. So the date is set. The first thing I was told was to send out Save the dates ASAP because it’s on a holiday and many people do tend to make plans around that time to do things. So we did the save the dates, but were holding off on a bunch of people on the save the dates because we weren’t sure about the whole A guest list and B guest list thing.
Well when talking to my parents about how much they can put towards the wedding,etc they advised me that they are really truly sorry but that they can only give me a certain amount towards the wedding because of how the enconomy is etc, they too have been hurt by stocks,etc. So they told me they will give me $10,000. If they can give me more they will but right now that’s all they can do. I was hoping they could do more, but I understand. I said ok we can work with that. I talked to my fiance and we both knew that we too would have to put some money towards our wedding as well. The frist thing that hurt my feelings with my Mother-In-Law was when she asked me what my parents were able to pay for the wedding. When I told her the amount she goes "That’s all they can do" ouch! I said yea, they said that’s all they can do right now. But hey at least it’s something. Some people don’t have families that can help at all. (by the way I have 6 brothers and 1 sister) 2 brothers are about to get married in the next year so they too are having to pay for their rehearsal dinners,transportations,honeymoon,etc.
My fiance and I have found where we want to hold the reception, the catering company, who we want to use for our decor(chair covers), flowers,etc. I’ve really shopped around to find the best deals, yet something that looks good. We did many tastings have found the catering company and it’s at a good price. We have changed our menu took off some things to cut back on cost where we can. So over all we have what we want.
Except our wedding guest list is WAY too big! We were wanting about 100 or less guest. Right now our guest count is at 175! so we need to cut off about 75. Or at least put 75 on a B list and go back over it and invite people as others can’t make it. However my fiances and my guest list including my parents(brides)guest list is about 25% of the people. The other 75% is my MIL! We went to them and asked them if they could possibly help out more with the wedding cost due to the large number of guest on the list. We told them that we finanically was not in the position to pay for all those people, and being newly weds were not going to take out a loan just to pay for people we don’t know. So the other day my fiance told me to call her and explain to her we have to cut the list. She says she already sent out the save the dates on her end and there is nothing we can do. I then had to tell her well it’s not that we just dont want them to come. It’s that we wont have the $ to pay for them to be there, I just don’t see it happening unless we win the lottery or something. I was trying to come up with ideas to please her so the people aren’t upset. These were my ideas:
1. We could still invite those people to the wedding but in their invite state that the reception is a private closed reception.
2. She could get ahold of those people and explain to them we decided to go with a low key small wedding instead.
3. They could still invite those guest, but would have to pay for them.
After telling her my ideas she wasn’t HAPPY! She said the 1st idea was so tacky that if she got that she wouldn’t even attend the wedding. Which if I did get an invite like that to a wedding I think a. they either just want family there. or B. maybe they are on a tight buget,etc and if they weren’t that close of friends to me then I wouldn’t go to the wedding. For the 2nd idea she said there was no way she could call these people and tell them they are uninvited now. for idea #3 she said they just didn’t have the money. They too are having finanical problems.
After that phone conversation I just hung up and cried because I didn’t know what to say to her. I don’t think it’s my position to talk to her about their finanical issues,etc.
So my fiance says well why don’t we tell them we don’t want rehearsal dinner and the $3000 she wanted to spend on the rehearsal dinner apply towards the list. I said thats a good idea. Since we are getting married on the 1st, we were going to do our rehearsal dinner on the 30th. Now we are going to have something at my parents house since its a good size with finger foods, and cocktails for everyone to enjoy and my parents offered to pay that on their own. Not out of the wedding budget.
What I’m getting at is how do I still cut the guest list? We still can’t have that many people no matter what! the cost even adds up not only on food, but chairs & favors, cake just all together. My fiance says he will just take people off the list. She has invited people whom she was BFF in high school 40 years ago, and fiance doesn’t even have a clue who these people are. Also she would invite some good friends but said I use to know her sister and I didnt want to hurt her feelings so I invited her and her husband. It’s like she has invited everybody and anybody she has ever come in contac with! IT’s a big nightmare. Please help ladies. I have to have 100 guest or under! What do I do. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but we have no other ideas and choices at this point.
As far as wedding expenses what is the grooms family ususally pay for? And how do I deal with this, without having a Mother-In-Law who hates me!