(Closed) guest list? +1 or no +1

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m giving every single person a plus one.

 

And yes, it would be horribly rude if you only excluded their children. It’s all or nothing.

Post # 4
Member
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I gave +1s to all of my adult guests regardless if they were single or not.  I agree that anyone in a relationship needs to be invited with their SO.  I also think that it’s polite to give guests who are traveling or who won’t know anyone else at the wedding a +1.  It turns out that most of my guests fit into one of those catagories (maybe there were 10 people who didn’t) so I have them a +1 anyway so they wouldn’t feel excluded. Really, when you extend +1’s you aren’t doing it for you and your Fiance, you’re doing it for your guests so that you ensure they are comfortable and will have a good time.  So while I understand the desire to only have people you know at the wedding, I think being a good hostess means you sacrifice that desire in favor of your guests’ comfort.

Post # 5
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We are giving +1s to:

-Wedding party

-Readers

-People who are married, engaged, or living with their partner.  And by living together, we mean they don’t maintain their own separate residences.

Post # 6
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

i agree with you–we are giving plus ones to our guests that are married (duh), living together or in a serious relationship. we have a lot of young people coming who are single & we are not giving them plus ones since they all know each other & would be bringing just a friend…not a date. doesnt make sense to give them one. for us it was less about money but more that we didnt want our kids to one day so oh who is that person with aly? oh honey just some random gay friend of hers that she brought as her date….

but i think if you have people from out of town who dont know anyone it would be nice to give them a date. 

Post # 7
Hostess
11167 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

We only gave plus ones to people that we knew were in relationships. For those random co-workers, friends etc that were single but wanted to bring a date we said no.

The guest list grows quickly and I would rather save a seat for someone special to us, not some random invidual that another guest wants to bring.

Post # 8
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Our decision was largely based on space. If people had a serious Boyfriend or Best Friend or Girlfriend at the time that we sent our save the dates they were to be invited as well. But if they didn’t they weren’t given a plus one. It actually constrained who we could invite period because our guest list brushes right up against the max of our room.

(Now that we’re coming closer to the date though some of those “non-serious” Boyfriend or Best Friend and Girlfriend are turning serious and we’re trying to figure out–since now we know some people aren’t coming–if we should invite the +1 or let the room have a little breathing space!)

Post # 9
Member
4355 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We went with +1 for everyone. We aren’t having children so our guest are all young adults, or adults and it’s a nice gesture to have the ability to bring a date. I personally always liked bringing dates when possible.

If you can’t do it due to space limitations or budget, definitely to those engaged, married or in long term relationships.

Post # 10
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

For +1’s I gave everyone a +1 single or not, and most of the single people didn’t bother using it. If you’re trying to keep the #’s down though, don’t bother. 

For your cousin, it’s pretty rude to invite everyone else’s kids and not theirs– if it were me, I’d be really hurt by it and probably wouldn’t come at all, becasuse I would feel like all you see are seats you have to feed, not loved ones who are sharing in your special day. 

Post # 11
Member
1425 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

We’re giving +1s only to units that have been together at least six months/live together/engaged, even if we haven’t met them (like FI’s cousins’ SOs). Single people are not getting +1s. We’ll make sure to sit them with people they know. If we gave everyone a +1, then we’d have 208 people at our wedding, half of which we probably wouldn’t know! Sorry, but as much of a “good hostess” as I’d like to be, I’m going to be selfish about this and I only want poeple I know at my wedding.

We are not including children on the invitation (other than those children who are in the wedding party). I see no problem with this. You want only the adults, then that’s who you invite. We’ll be inviting only adults and not including their children’s names on the invite. I’ve been to weddings that had no children and knew that some of the couples attending did have kids, but they weren’t invited. It’s no big deal, I think.

Post # 12
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We decided that only those significant others who are married, engaged, or living together. Of course the Future Mother-In-Law got her boyfriend and her sister also demanded her boyfriend. We didn’t want to look around the room or at our photos and wonder who people are.

Post # 13
Member
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Here’s how I’m doing it: Anyone in a serious relationship will be invited with his or her significant other (by name, regardless of marital status and where they live).   People who get blank plus 1s are the wedding party, and a few guests who are traveling long distances and won’t know anyone.  Our other single guests will be there with large groups of friends, and I think it’d actually ruin the group dynamics to have random dates thrown into the mix.  As RunsWithBears noted, it’s about making your guests most comfortable. 

Also, for the record, I’ve always thought that the “engaged, married, or living together” rule is silly.  I have friends who are in very serious relationships but don’t live togther, and cannot fathom telling them that their SOs aren’t invited to my wedding. 

Post # 14
Member
1380 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

From a guests and until recently, single gal perspective, I would say that you do not need to extend guests to every single guest. However, it can be a nice gesture depending on the makeup of your guest list. As someone has mentioned, those who won’t know anyone else, and also I think the age of your guests is a factor. For those in their late teens and early 20s, it’s probably normal for them to attend social events without a date and there will be lots of other single people to hang out with. For those in their 30s and 40s, more people tend to be married and they might feel self-conscious at a wedding alone. I do have to say though, that I would find it incredibly awkward to bring a random date to a wedding and have to babysit them the whole night. I would find that 100x more awkward than coming alone.

I like someone else’s idea of inviting SO based on who was in a committed relationship at the time the guest list was made. That way it’s not a judgement of how serious someone’s relationship is, but it does cut out the flavor of the month relationships. Although I realize that rule could get trickier in regards to people who move in/get engaged after just a few months. But I guess those people should understand if the rest of the world hasn’t caught up to the speed of their relationship.

Post # 15
Member
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

According to etiquette, you must invite dates for established social units, which means engaged, married, or living together. These people get an invitation addressed to them, and if they don’t live with the person you are inviting them as the date of, you send them their own invitation to their own home.

As for people not in established relationships, according to etiquette, they do not get a +1, but if you want to extend a invitation to a guest, you still must send it to that guest by name and be willing to ahve them attend on their own, even without the person you are inviting them as the guest of.

Post # 16
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

People who got +1s:

– LT relationship (let’s say 1.5+ years)

– Co-habitating

– Married/domestic partnership

– a close friend/colleague who wouldn’t know anyone else there, literally (having been the odd person out at events, it sucks not knowing anyone, unless you are very very very outgoing)

We also excluded all children but the bridal party. It is an all or nothing situation though, so you can’t have everyone bring their kids and leave out these 7 kids.

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