(Closed) Guest list

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 4
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

That’s a tough spot! I feel your pain. Is there nowhere to cut? Could you make it adults only? Or maybe only invite immediate family or family up to first cousins?

 

What does your anticipated attendance look like? My Fiance made a spreadsheet with the probability each person would come. For instance, if they were old and lived out of town, they had a 25% probability. If they were close friends who lived here, 100%. Then we averaged it all together and came up with an estimated total (for example, of two people that are 50% to come, that means at least one will). That might give you a better estimate of what percentage of the guest list might actually come.

 

Or have your parents and Future In-Laws call their family and friends. Just a quick chat “Hey, hiya, how’s it going? Yeah, we’re gearing up for this wedding and can’t wait to see you. Will you be able to make it?” That way you’ll know if you have any wiggle room. Good luck! Hopefully the decisions will be quick and relatively painless!

Post # 5
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

One of your issues is that you have such a large wedding party (which isn’t something you can change now, I’m afraid). I’m having a small family wedding with a max of 55 people there as well, so we’re each doing one attendant. That way we can get all of our family in there first.

Also I think that you should invite your FI’s family. The two lists should be as close to equal as you can get them. If they decline, you can have a “B” list and send a second round of invitations to more of your family. I know none of that is probably what you want to hear, but since you picked a venue with limited seating you will have to make some really tough choices, and go through the headache of having a “B” list. If you do a second round of invites, keep in mind that you should send the first round out earlier than usual so you aren’t being really obvious by sending invites to people at the very last minute. Also, never discuss the “B” list.  That’s on a need to know basis only! 

Post # 8
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

If it were me I would send my invites a little earlier and skip Save-The-Date Cards just to avoid a potential issues of word getting around, but it’s up to you. Just remember that if you send someone a save the date they must get an invite too. You could just send the A list save the dates if you already have them made that way you won’t run into the problem of sending them to someone and then realize later that they won’t be getting an invitation. 

Post # 10
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Girasole:  “since he has never met most of people his Mom is inviting.”

Don’t invite ANYONE that neither of you has met. You’re already having to cut people you know – no one that at least one of you doesn’t know fairly well should be invited. Even if his parents are BEST FRIENDS with them, if he has never met them, and you have never met them, why does it even matter if they’re there? I personally also would not invite anyone you wouldn’t independently invite. Like, even if they are his parents’ friends that he sees occasionally, if he wouldn’t just call them up and invite them to dinner one day because he missed them and wanted to see them, I’d nix them from the list.

Only send save the dates to the A list.

 

Post # 11
Member
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette Snob here… lol

Sounds like a case of you picking out the Venue BEFORE you actually had a Guest List drawn up (ie 72 vs 123) add in the BIG Wedding Party, and ya there was bound to be issues.

Too late now…

BUT hopefully a lesson learned for another Bee in the early Planning Stages

GET YOUR NAMES & NUMBERS TOGETHER FIRST !!

Another vote for not doing Save The Dates (especially if you haven’t ordered them yet)

As you could be potentially walking into the whole scenario of sending out a STD, then not being able to follow up with an Invite.

And that can be embarrassing (although a STD isn’t technically an Invite… it is just a Heads Up Notice)

Sending out Invites early might help with your issue… and you could group them into an A-List & B-List set.

That would take some of the pressure off of worrying about too many people for so little space (123 – 72 = 51).  As you currently have an Overrun of 51 = 41.5%  Which is really really high and YES Worrisome !!

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 14
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Girasole:  I think it’s okay to invite someone only one of you has met, but it’s also okay to draw the line at only inviting people both of you have met. I mean… wherever you want to draw the line is fine, really, you just have to pick a place and then stick to it so that the moms don’t get bent out of shape!

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