(Closed) Guest List

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Are you having a wedding website? I’d put it on there instead of directly on the save-the-date… 

Post # 3
46675 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

wedecidedonforever:  Is it common practice in your culture to pay for hotel rooms for guests? It is not considered the responsibility of the bride and groom in Canada or the USA.

Post # 6
46675 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

wedecidedonforever:  I’m not saying that you shouldn’t do it if you want to. I am saying that it is not something that many people would expect a young couple to pay for.

Generally speaking, I think people expect to have to pay for accomodation when they travel to a wedding.

Post # 7
675 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I wouldn’t do that, i would find it odd if that came in my std.   Most of my family lives across the country and some of them are actually coming, which shocked the hell out of me because I didnt expect it.  People may surprise you, plus it is presumptuous and possibly offensive to assume they can’t make it.  

If they say something about not being able to attend, then maybe mention the dvD.  

Post # 9
2268 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

wedecidedonforever:  I’m not sure where you’re posting from or what the norm is in your area, but I’ve traveled to many long distance weddings and I have never seen a bride and groom pay for hotel rooms! I’m on the east coast in the USA and that is totally above and beyond. Obviously, I would be SO appreciative if the bride and groom did, but it is certainly WELL beyond the realm of hosting responsibilities where I’m from.


To answer your question, I think you can send save the dates to anyone you’d like to (as long as you plan on also sending them an invitation to the wedding, of course!) For anyone that you are not paying for, I just wouldn’t mention anything about paying at all. Talk of money is generally a big no no. If you’re in a region similar to mine, people will know that if it isn’t offered, they have to foot the bill. I’m of the mind that any and all travel expenses are paid by the guest, but the couple hosts the wedding reception in full!

Even if some of your guests cannot attend, I’m sure they will appreciate the save the date and the invitation! After all, it is a kind gesture and not a legal subpeona! Let your guests decide on their own what they can and cannot afford — you might be surprised!

Also, if your’e in the US, hotel blocks are very common. You can call local hotels and block off some rooms. In return, they will provide your guests with a discounted rate! Just make sure you are contractually not financially responsible for any unfulfilled rooms.

Post # 10
152 posts
Blushing bee

Generally the etiquette for sending out save the dates is to actually send them an invitation later near the wedding date and they decide whether or not they come… sending a STD with a note saying “if you can’t make it” would be rude (I think)… Maybe I’m confused about this post but if you plan on inviting the out of town guests then send them an STD with NO note and then when you send out the actual invitations, let them decide.. they may plan all year (or whatever the timeline is) to save the money and come to your wedding but with that note, it’s basically a message stating “here come, but don’t come because you can see it all on the DVD”.. very confusing!

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